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At 06:12 PM 3/10/2008, Newland wrote:

Who am I? I was raised by AS parents, married a man with AS and gave

birth to 3 kids on the spectrum. My 20 yr old son is the only one

with the medical DX. I am presently divorced but still maintain a

good relationship with Larry. We just could not live under the same

roof. lol But that is another story. <wink>

List Owner

ASPIRES

" Climbing the Mountain TOGETHER "

opu@...

,

You are far too humble. For those just coming on board now,

Newland founded ASPIRES eight years ago. ASPIRES is both a very

extensive web-site and a discussion group. 's 20 now year old

son was one of the first to be diagnosed (at age three or four) with

Aspergers in North America. Back then, AS was virtually unknown.

" knew " her son didn't fit any of the conventional dx's and she

scoured the globe for information, fought tirelessly for answers,

fought meaningful interventions in the schools and in her community.

The community she raised her family in and still resides in, while

being a physically beautiful place to live, is a retirement community

and well off the beaten path for any specialists.

In the process of discovering her son's AS, she realized her husband

probably has AS. Though un-dx'd, he recognized and acknowledged his

own AS. Throughout the years has shared the high points and the

low points of living with AS, but always in a respectful tone towards

her spouse. was the pillar of her family and has not, in any

time I have followed her story on-line, ever faltered, fallen to self

pity or depression. She fought for her children, fought to make her

marriage work, but at the same time is a realist, and one who " walks

the walk " and not just " talks the talk. "

's efforts, while not wasted, as her children have a positive

view of themselves and their family, were not reciprocated by her

husband. In order to move forward and maintain respect for herself

and the father of her children and peace in the family, had to

begin to make decisions for herself. Her spouse, seeing his comfy

status quo had been altered, saw the writing on the wall and hit back

with a pre-emtive strike. Unfortunately the attorneys had a heyday

with her and her spouse's ambivalence to end a long but difficult

marriage. That was the most difficult part of 's life but she

kept on soldiering on despite this very stressful period.

Many wives would fall into a deep depression if faced with the raw

deal that got dealt. But not . She told us about this

time, but mostly her focus was her children - and the other children

she cares for, and her work with various advocacy communities. After

being a home maker, advocate and community volunteer for many years,

bravely stepped out into the world and has a new career and a

new life. Today she is friends with her ex-spouse and although they

are physically living apart and divorced, are still close together

for the family. No time for bitterness - it's about moving forward

and celebrating all the GOOD things - this could be 's motto.

And a great message of hope for everyone else.

But, I'm ahead of myself a bit here. Going back to the early days of

her discovery of AS in adults - again - virtually unknown at the time

- it seems only children had AS back then, LOL - became a

member of another on-line discussion group of partners of suspected AS spouses.

Unlucky for that forum and lucky for us, at that time, the vast

majority of the membership of that group, did not " get " 's

hopeful message of learning to work with an AS partner. Though she

had her share of aggravations (oh, has she ever!) she nonetheless

remained upbeat and ready to adapt, and capitalize on the strengths

of such a union. However, she and a handful of other members who

shared her view soon found themselves in the minority in that

discussion group, where, by and large, members wished to pick apart

and pathologize every nuance of AS, but without any pro-active

resolutions about what they intended to do about it. Seven members -

known as the " Magnificent Seven " with Newland as their

" fearless leader " <grin! forgive me !> formed ASSPS, which was

soon to become ASPIRES.

Today, if you Google " Aspergers " , you will come up with thousands of

" hits. " At the time first formed the discussion group and

web-site, there were few groups. was also very active in her

community forming a community and a state support group, and served

as a liaison with educators in her community, in addition to her work

with this group. She was one busy lady in those early days!

Today, if you do a Yahoo group search using the key-words " Aspergers "

you will come up with about 750 groups. They serve many, many

different needs. But among all these groups, ASPIRES is unique. The

reason? It is a discussion group for BOTH those on the autism

spectrum and those not on the spectrum. Though there are a few other

groups that give equal voice to both sides, their focus tends to be

either predominantly adult AS or parenting AS. There are no other

groups that I am aware of that specifically address family

relationship issues between AS and NT, and give equal voice to both.

As a moderator of another Aspegers list I often troll the 'net

looking for the latest and greatest links to post at that site. I

have found, with some sadness, that some of the oldest and best sites

are no longer being updated, and some have fallen off the grid

entirely. Though some sites do ask for a nominal donation (and others

you must subscribe to) by and large, this is very time consuming and

strictly volunteer work. And personal circumstances change. Web site

and discussion group founders may become ill, or burn out, or out of

necessity, move on.

Then there are the forums. Many once great forums are now moribund.

Though one would reasonably assume they could continue to run

themselves with a few moderators, it doesn't really work that way.

Each forum fills a certain niche, and bears the imprint of its

founder. If the founder no longer steers the group, it becomes

rudderless, drifts and then falls silent.

But here, eight years later, continually infuses this group

with new life in the form of her observations and the many, many

articles she posts, not only about AS, but health and wellbeing in

general. And the ASPIRES web-site has become the top meta site for

all things pertaining to Aspergers, continually being added to with

the newest and best information.

A few months ago, disaster struck when the web host who originally

hosted this discussion group (but not the web-site, thank goodness!)

shut down with very little warning. Fortunately established

this Yahoo group was several years ago as a backup, so at least there

was a place to go to! We are all grateful for the service that FEAT

provided for many years, though sad that its sudden demise resulted

in the temporary loss of many old timers. posted the address

change at the ASPIRES web-site, and old timers finding their way back

slowly. Regardless, the word is spreading and it seems ASPIRES is

becoming known the world over and is often recommended by

therapists, teachers, professionals, so this new ASPIRES has a truly

global viewpoint.

I've said a lot and I should stop before 's face turns

permanently red from all the blushing <smile!> but I felt it was

important for folks here to know the history of this group, and how

much work it is to keep BOTH a discussion group like this going - and

a website. Kudos to U !

- Helen