RE: Real Aspies would NEVER....

[Guest guest]

Hi Heidi and all,

We Aspies are not all alike.

There is a range of us who are in one way or another, born

communicators. If that were not the case then the world would not

know a quarter as much about us as they do. And some become (or are

naturally so gifted or trained) that they make some sort of hobby or even

career out of their interest in their Aspiedom. We think of teachers

and lecturers like Liane Holliday Willey, Lawson and Donna

. These are folk who have been terribly inconvenienced by their

inherent problems, but they luckily have learnt to step out of their comfort

zones and tell the world about themselves.

Personally, I have the double interest in

both words and in Public Speaking (as an actor) and so it is thoroughly natural

for me to go out and tell the world about so many of the things that I’m

learning, and that fascinate me. As well, I have always been intrigued

by Psychology, and have all through my adult life, been desperate to know about

myself and to explain the discrepancies and eccentricities. Then in

the text of my forthcoming book, I’m going further, and am explaining

more and more in detail about the way I think and the irregular ways I’ve

experienced life and human interactions.

Not all of us ‘High Functionings’

are necessarily geared towards public presentation. There are many

now who still hate to express themselves in speech, or even those who appear to

be unable to at all, but some of these have a superb way with words and have

written wonderfully about their lives and experiences. I think in

particular about Jasmine Lee O’Neill whose wonderful book Through

the Eyes of Aliens is still in print. She remained completely mute for

the greater part of her earlier life. Though not obviously any sort

of an overt Aspie, my own father who found it near impossible to talk about or

display his emotions in everyday life and interactions, did have one way of

letting it all out. He was a fine musician, and when my mother

died, back in the 1950s, the only time his feelings showed was one Sunday a

fortnight after the funeral, when at the Organ of a local church, played in a

most uncharacteristically violent and emotional fashion. I knew his

style of playing backwards, and it was just amazing to observe how he communicated

his distress and his ‘protest’ about the loss as he

played. I might add here that he was a creative organist, and could

play on and improvise non stop for hours on the pipe organ, with no music in

front of him.

Your husband’s conviction that no ‘real

Aspie’ would talk or communicate about his inner world and his emotions

and thoughts, is not confirmed by experience. Sure, it’s

probably the greater number of us who will become tongue-tied or near paralysed

when confronted with an emotional discussion, with its demands and interrogations.

We most desperately need the totally safe environment to allow us to speak

freely, or join in a discussion. We are not so likely to

respond sensibly and naturally to the emotional appeal or display.

People in their natural state, that is so taken for granted by the NT world,

are just too threatening to us. If an interaction happens to be fraught

with tension or urgent agendas whether spelt out or sensed, we can clam

up. This is why so many Aspies can speak more freely in their

letters or emails. There are no distractions then, by the overt signs of

emotion or accusation etc. Somehow, the sight of the other

protagonist’s face (not to mention the body language and convolutions of

vocal expression) when in passion or emotion, can jam up our thinking

processes. The over-load is just too much for us.

I can in many cases find it easier even to

talk on the phone about tricky issues than in person. I recall how it

distressed one of my wives when she discovered that I could not hold a serious

and ‘intimately’ laden discussion with her while we held hands or

while our bodies were touching. I had to have a physical

separation, to enable me to think clearly and express my thoughts without

confusion.

Our resident Australian expert, Tony

Attwood makes it very plain that he really treasures the information that communicative

Aspies make towards his work and understanding. He allows that he

is constantly learning from us. If we were all uncommunicative, he

would get nothing, except as we happened to be tested and observed like rats

dumbly reacting in a laboratory. He told me the other week

that he looks forward to getting my feedback on his material at the Seminar I’m

attending in Sydney

this next weekend.

I can assure you that real Aspie DO feel

safe and excited about posting on a board like ASPIRES. We feel

safe here, and what is more, we find we have an interested and responsive

audience who want to learn from us. Sometimes it is for the very

first time in our lives that we’ve been able to say what we feel.

Keep in mind too, that we Aspies are learning all the time, and you will have

no idea just how many of those wonderful Aha moments I’ve had, reading

the posts of others here, whether they are from the Aspie side of the fence or

from that alien NT side. I for one, never stop learning. It

is part of my Aspie obsession!

Cheers, Ron.

<<<Subject:

controversial statement by my AS spouse: input? (again,

Bill??Ron?Greg?)

However, I wanted to share with you my husband's blunt

perspective of all of this. In

general, I avoid discussing anything that involves 'sharing, growing, learning,

communication', etc. with my AS husband, even from this board, since he is

repulsed by all

such ideas. He always says 'he is who is is' and that is that. Ergo, i am the

only one trying

to evolve, adapt, etc. to his AS ways.

The response I got from my husband was simply this: " Real aspies would

never post on

such a message board " .

When I asked him about it later, he just ranted about how this is all bullshit,

and the

aspies here cannot be real aspies, since there is no way any true aspie would

both want to

'share' their emotions in such a forum, nor seek/offer any such help or

insight.

I know AS is a spectrum, and those here may be the more 'forward thinking'

ones, but I am

curious to know if any of you had thoughts on this opinion of my dear AS spouse

(had you

ever felt this way before coming here?).

Do you think there is any hope of him seeing that this CAN be a part of his

aspie world and

learning/growing seeing other experiences is an okay thing?

Thanks and regards from a spouse and Mom who is really getting towards the end

of her

rope-

xo Heidi