Venting- & & all

[Guest guest]

Hi and and anyone who knows, I get blind-sided by NTs all the time, when they start venting, and I think they really want help with something, but do not want help at all- just a llistening ear, and a chance to unload. Then, they get up- everything is fine- because they have gotten to vent- as if they were complaining about A, but angry about B, and not allowed to yell about B, so fixing A would not really help, anyway. I understand the mechanism- they really need to fix a thing that they cannot tell you )or anyone) about- they are not allowed to be angry about that- so they complain about something else, just to take off the pressure. I cannot tell when that is going on, all the time. (I know it is happening sometimes). Here is what I know: If it does not make any

sense, then maybe it is not true. that is, if the complaints are not that important, then maybe the NT is angry about something else, and cannot say. I sense I have a piece of this, but certainly not anywhere close to all of it! A. What can I do to discern what is going on? B. When is the problem real enough to fix? I mean the stated problem. Clearly, the feelings are real and valid. C. As as ASpie, would it ever be to my advantage to complain about A, because I am not allowed to be angry about B, but an NT would figure it out, help me with what I really need, and get less offended in the process? I cannot imagine this, but if you

give me clear enough ToM, I can apply it anyway. I do not want to do this, unless an NT will clearly understand the communication, and take it the way it is intended. D. Would C., above, ever be practical when there are several people there, and I only want to communicate frustration with a certain thing to one of them- but just have the others know I feel frustrated, and not know more? Do NTs do it this way? Thanks, david bailey wrote: stephanie muska <sceomuska728> wrote: sephanie said: I think some venting is very therapuetic for the NT spouse. To feel that someone else understands the frustrations and the lonliness that our life becomes sometimes. Just sharing that was helpful for me.....Getting it off my chest so to speak...... Hope to hear from you again me here: Venting and sharing is an NT feature. You's need to "resonate" with each other to have a connection, and in time throough communication ,alter that

connection. it is a very strong need you's have. .

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.