Guest guest Posted November 7, 2007 Report Share Posted November 7, 2007 How wonderful that you have been present to all this. As someone with a lot of pain & illness in my own family right now, I look to your story as an inspiration. > > Since I'm " out " I thought I'd share something. Today is the 10th anniversary of my first husband's death. He was just 42 yo, and we found out he had cancer, six months before he died (it was very quick). Every year, on this day, I have done the same thing: > Struggled with the memories > Felt overwhelming sadness for my kids over their loss > Drank > > Tonight, thanks to ACT, I can report a very different anniversary. > > I have still had the memories, but instead of struggling, I just let them wash over me. All day, they have not stopped coming, but they also haven't killed me! My oldest daughter wrote a beautiful tribute to her dad of her favorite memories, and I cried tears of joy that they had those moments, and that she was able to share them. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the sadness, or fighting it, I just let it float gently around me, and watched it, and instead of drinking to escape it, I asked myself what I can do (whilst in the midst of this sadness) to further my values. I realized that some of it I have already done: been there for my kids and let them share their feelings. Then I started a big pot of chicken soup. Chopping onions and celery and kale. And the sadness that I had always feared would sweep me away has instead been oddly comforting, like an old friend come to visit. > > Even if ACT doesn't make one happy, or take away hurt (although sometimes it does), it gives me something that's even more important to me: Choice. > > Thanks for that, ACT Family. > > Goldie > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 7, 2007 Report Share Posted November 7, 2007 Thank you so much for sharing that Goldie. Respect. Simone Thank you Since I'm "out" I thought I'd share something. Today is the 10th anniversary of my first husband's death. He was just 42 yo, and we found out he had cancer, six months before he died (it was very quick). Every year, on this day, I have done the same thing:Struggled with the memoriesFelt overwhelming sadness for my kids over their lossDrankTonight, thanks to ACT, I can report a very different anniversary.I have still had the memories, but instead of struggling, I just let them wash over me. All day, they have not stopped coming, but they also haven't killed me! My oldest daughter wrote a beautiful tribute to her dad of her favorite memories, and I cried tears of joy that they had those moments, and that she was able to share them. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the sadness, or fighting it, I just let it float gently around me, and watched it, and instead of drinking to escape it, I asked myself what I can do (whilst in the midst of this sadness) to further my values. I realized that some of it I have already done: been there for my kids and let them share their feelings. Then I started a big pot of chicken soup. Chopping onions and celery and kale. And the sadness that I had always feared would sweep me away has instead been oddly comforting, like an old friend come to visit. Even if ACT doesn't make one happy, or take away hurt (although sometimes it does), it gives me something that's even more important to me: Choice. Thanks for that, ACT Family.Goldie____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2007 Report Share Posted November 8, 2007 > > Since I'm " out " I thought I'd share something. Today is the 10th anniversary of my first husband's death. He was just 42 yo, and we found out he had cancer, six months before he died (it was very quick). Every year, on this day, I have done the same thing: > Struggled with the memories > Felt overwhelming sadness for my kids over their loss > Drank > > Tonight, thanks to ACT, I can report a very different anniversary. > > I have still had the memories, but instead of struggling, I just let them wash over me. All day, they have not stopped coming, but they also haven't killed me! My oldest daughter wrote a beautiful tribute to her dad of her favorite memories, and I cried tears of joy that they had those moments, and that she was able to share them. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the sadness, or fighting it, I just let it float gently around me, and watched it, and instead of drinking to escape it, I asked myself what I can do (whilst in the midst of this sadness) to further my values. I realized that some of it I have already done: been there for my kids and let them share their feelings. Then I started a big pot of chicken soup. Chopping onions and celery and kale. And the sadness that I had always feared would sweep me away has instead been oddly comforting, like an old friend come to visit. > > Even if ACT doesn't make one happy, or take away hurt (although sometimes it does), it gives me something that's even more important to me: Choice. > > Thanks for that, ACT Family. > > Goldie > That was so awesome it brought tears to my eyes. What a great example of ACT in daily life. I have been dealing with terrible anxiety lately and I'm so swept up in " this is going to be the end of me. " ACT helps bring me back to earth. > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 19, 2008 Report Share Posted May 19, 2008 Breezy, Thank you so much for your encouraging words! (Actually, I try not to rock terribly much when other people are around- LOL!) May your husband heal speedily and completely. He may feel like being left alone, while you may want to go be with him when he is ill. I like it when people visit me when I do not feel well, but I have lots of AS friends who do not feel like people at all at times when they are ill. I have never had cancer, so I am not too sure how I would react to that. I hope you check in when you can, and let us know how you are doing, and how he is as well. Hugs, "Lia F." wrote: I want to thank everyone for all the amazing help and information that has been offered to me on this site. I have learned so much and have been given the best advice from everybody who responded. My husband is beginning the second phase of his cancer treatment today and I may be tied up with other concerns for awhile. I want to offer my sincere appreciation and gratitude to everyone who offered so freely of their knowledge and experiences. Please dont feel I am not paying attention if I am unable to respond as my life is about to get really complicated. You all are the best and I am really fortunate that I found this group. PS Princess You ROCK! You have given me some really valuable insights in Aspergers that I would never have gotten from my husband because he is not nearly as articulate or as self aware as you are. I have to tell you even though you might not see it you gave me some real AH HA moments that have been very enlightening. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Breezy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 19, 2008 Report Share Posted May 19, 2008 Breezy, Thank you so much for your encouraging words! (Actually, I try not to rock terribly much when other people are around- LOL!) May your husband heal speedily and completely. He may feel like being left alone, while you may want to go be with him when he is ill. I like it when people visit me when I do not feel well, but I have lots of AS friends who do not feel like people at all at times when they are ill. I have never had cancer, so I am not too sure how I would react to that. I hope you check in when you can, and let us know how you are doing, and how he is as well. Hugs, "Lia F." wrote: I want to thank everyone for all the amazing help and information that has been offered to me on this site. I have learned so much and have been given the best advice from everybody who responded. My husband is beginning the second phase of his cancer treatment today and I may be tied up with other concerns for awhile. I want to offer my sincere appreciation and gratitude to everyone who offered so freely of their knowledge and experiences. Please dont feel I am not paying attention if I am unable to respond as my life is about to get really complicated. You all are the best and I am really fortunate that I found this group. PS Princess You ROCK! You have given me some really valuable insights in Aspergers that I would never have gotten from my husband because he is not nearly as articulate or as self aware as you are. I have to tell you even though you might not see it you gave me some real AH HA moments that have been very enlightening. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Breezy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 2008 Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 Breezy, I am new to this list today. The gratitude you expressed in your Thank You post, Breezy, led me to read through this thread. I see so much of my husband in yours. My husband, while not diagnosed, identifies with having a mild form of AS. Since the beginning of our relationship, we have attempted to socialize with one couple after another. Generally, if they have a bright teen-age child present, that's the person he talks with during the whole social encounter. If he does not get an opportunity to express himself in the way and to the length that he wants, he clams up and sulks or he shouts over people. We had exhausted all the couples I knew when we finally connected with someone with whom he was working and his wife. We have hung out with them for years and yet a few months ago, even they confessed to having difficulty enjoying time with him. I felt profoundly sad when I heard that. He often complains he has no friends when I go out with my girlfriends. Thank goodness for Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent Communication! My husband introduced me to this model of communication when we met 15 years ago. He had found it when he was going through a divorce. We began diligently practicing it (rather than haphazardly) a few years ago and it has made a huge difference in the quality of our relationship. He recently said he thinks this model works for him because it provides a structure that he can work within--there are logical steps that make sense to him. He still has difficulty with the underlying concept, though, as mentioned elsewhere in these messages--and that's empathy. The model (state an observation, say how you feel, identify your needs, and make a doable request--it also works the other way) does provide a structure but the empathy is key. If your goal is to excel at the model and you do not want to make a connection with the other person, you'll never get there. My husband is out of town this week at a nine-day intensive on Non-Violent Communication. He was both excited and apprehensive about the experience before he left and I wonder if he will make it through the whole event. Whatever happens, I'm sure he will come back changed. I, too, am grateful for this list. I feel less isolated and that is a blessing. writer0101 > I want to thank everyone for all the amazing help and information that has been offered to me on this site. I have learned so much and have been given the best advice from everybody who responded. My husband is beginning the second phase of his cancer treatment today and I may be tied up with other concerns for awhile. I want to offer my sincere appreciation and gratitude to everyone who offered so freely of their knowledge and experiences. Please dont feel I am not paying attention if I am unable to respond as my life is about to get really complicated. > You all are the best and I am really fortunate that I found this group. > > PS Princess You ROCK! You have given me some really valuable insights in Aspergers that I would never have gotten from my husband because he is not nearly as articulate or as self aware as you are. I have to tell you even though you might not see it you gave me some real AH HA moments that have been very enlightening. Thank you from the bottom of my heart > Breezy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2008 Report Share Posted August 9, 2008 Thanks to all who responded to my questions about therapists and health insurance. You are awesome! Armeniox, PhD, LPC, ADTRCoalition Director, Get Healthy Guilford Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2008 Report Share Posted December 24, 2008 Ditto here too. This list has been so wonderful for me. Robyn -------------- Original message ---------------------- > > Our family tradition at Christmas is to count our blessings. This year I've > added some blessings in the form of all of you who have helped me in my journey > through life's thicket. Thank you, Bill Our family tradition at Christmas is to count our blessings. This year I've added some blessings in the form of all of you who have helped me in my journey through life's thicket. Thank you, Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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