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What do you mean? I would like to understand better.

36 m diagnosed AS when i say "how are you" i mean something that you wont understand.

Cheryl

Re: Still more for Questions for AS men

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[aspires-relationsh ips] Still more for Questions for AS men

julie said:

I hope you won't find me a nuisance with all these questions, it's just that well ... you're the closest thing I've got to the source. Believe me I go to the source quite often. I have been finding that I'm having some issues of my own, and yes, I am aware they are my own. It's just that I need help shrinking them, or at least digesting the reasons. I know my husband loves me, and he has made it clear that he finds me rather attractive. Not boasting, just fact. Believe me I wouldn't know how to boast about this, since I'm convinced it's a phenomenon known only to my husband. However, the "Usual" validations are missing. I will explain below. 1- He doesn't care if I wear make up.

me here:

i am and have been convinced that when women dress up, it is for other women. I absolutely dont care if my fiancee doesnt wear makeup.

she wears it to make her feel good. Women wear shiny things and make up because they know they look at other women and pick flaws and that other women do this to them. Women seem to gain validation from looking and finding flaws in other women, a whole industry has been based on this in womens trashy mags which i read, briefly when i am at a doctors, dentists...etc. you see rich beatifull women, who are seen in the eyes of all as successfull...but they have a spot of cellulite which is enlarged and circled to emphasise it. 2- He doesn't care what my hair looks like.

me here:

i dont even care what my own hair looks like.

you said: 3- He doesn't care if I'm constantly in an old beat up denim skirt and sweatshirt more days than I'd like to admit.

me here:

i would notice ot if you were naked all the time, otherwose i dont notice what you wear. as long as your not too smelly. 4- More often than not he hasn't noticed if I'm wearing perfume, or scented oil.

me here:

i like the scent of a nice perfume, i notice it. i dont have a no perfume sensor, if it isnt there, i dont notice it, but more importantly for you, i dont notice its absence. as long as you dont have bad body odour i dont care what you dont wear.

you said:

Now, he does respond to my wearing certain colors, but he doesn't care about any of the above.

me here:

funny that, my fiancee wears the ugliest pink coat to work. she lives and works in a large city and i live in a little country town.....she does get noticed in her city clothes, in my town. ( she is the only woman who wears gloves in the winter) this is the only consistent thing i do actually notice, i hate the colour of the coat, but i am smart enough to say nothing.

you said: I don't know how to interpret the seeming lack of importance of any of these things.

me here: important to who?

you said:

I mean if it were 1 or 2 of them, maybe I could say, "OK, he's not into Tammy Faye, or he's a jeans & tee shirt kinda guy so my living in sweat shirts and a skirt might not matter," but all of them!? I'm thinking this has to be Aspie, doesn't it?

me here: maybe, but more nt female in my opinion.

you said:

How can a man not notice or find an of these things important and yet find his wife attractive on a physical plane? I'm not complaining. I'm just truly mystified. me here: attractive on a physical plane?

i've never gone for the "lookers" they are too much trouble...wrapped up in their own sense of vanity, i once went to a gf's hous eand she was getting " ready" i wanted to come in and watch the news while she got ready and she wouldnt let me in less i see her in her pre-glam look.

she shouted at me through s closed door

" wait in the steps"

i went home.

how you look is not as important to me, as how you are.

you said:

Help! 36 m diagnosed AS when i say "how are you" i mean something that you wont understand.

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