Re: I agree Lets please stop. Sandy here. You have taught me something

[Guest guest]

Thanks. Please stop defending me, and please stop accusing me of gushing. I did'nt know it WAS gushing. I asked up front in some of my posts if I was being offensive. The response was no. Then I got carried away. Sorry. I do get it. Emotion and too much makes some people extremely nervous.

I have a horrible story to relay that I didn't get at the time. But, I do get it now. First you should know that Nick is a religious man. He has good intentions.

I'm sure you remember the times a few years back when the many beheadings were going on in Iraq. It was painful to turn on the TV and see a poor person pleading with their government or whoever to pull troops out, give up prisoners, whatever so that they could keep their life. And it seemed to be happening on TV on a daily basis, as was the fact that these folks would eventually be beheaded because the government or whoever would not agree to negotiate with terrorist.

Well, Nick and I were watching the news one nite. Maybe after just going to dinner. Who knows? We weren't fighting. Well, all of a sudden one of those poor souls is shown in a cage begging for his life. I remember how sick it used to make me feel. Well, this person was begging and begging. I was watching horrified when Nick stands up and yells, "JUST BEHEAD HIM ALREADY". Well, then I was horrified at Nick and what he said and why.

I know Nick didn't want this person to die. But he couldn't stand the emotions, the begging, the whatever.

That was 3 years ago. The incident has sat with me as a bafflement until the email sent by Bill and the person who explained the nervousness.

Anyway, I won't gush. But I will ask a few more questions.

Thanks

Sandy

Re: Can we please stop this - Daneeka

Daneka Wheeler <danekawyahoo (DOT) com> wrote:

Daneeka said:

This same attack on NT "gushing" has happened over and over again. Can we please stop this and hit the delete button!Daneka

me here:

Daneeka, are the gushing threads attacked because i don tlike them?

yeah...it is too much.

so lets do as you suggest. delete all posts we find difficult.

it then becomes an exclusive NT talking shop.

AS pushed into the background, their needs not met.

I protest at gush...and the NT needs arent met.

there is frustration at looking at someone screaming on an internet forum for help who cant see what they need.

A pragmatic AS response is to say...shut up, your annoying me, you gush, calm down.

the response an NT wants is really to connect and be heard by others in a similar boat.

then they recover, recharge and lay on the gush to their AS partner and get told...shut up, too intense leave me alone.

then come limping back here for some TLC.

you see yourself in a lot of the recent posts.

i too see a lot of my old reaction in the recent NT posts.

somehow....someone has to make the connection.. .....a pattern is occuring here, a re-occuring pattern....we gush, they slam......

long time list members will know, may be by now, innately that there is a realisation that to act in an overemotianla erractic way that is full of intensity and a need to connect can be seen by some AS as too needy, it is almost guaranteed to get a result that is opposite to what is craved, that of emotional connection.

you can explain this to others because you have seen it happen here, and perhaps in your own life and replayed out here.

and you have learned, or perhaps been made aware of the affect of your response to an AS person has on the outcome of a desired result.

why do you and others know this?

because we do it, because i do it.

the slipped e-mail was somethign we have all done.

the lady is in difficulty for sure.

it is a difficult and rare situation to be in that we have seen and responded to the offending e-mail. but to censor or attempt to censor what is said and replied to here.....reduces the attraction of this list.

and the uniqueness of it.

your e-mail was, unlike your normal regulated contributions, an emotional one.

you have really seen yourself in this ladies current predicament, you have been there. the last thing you would have wanted was to be told off for being emotional... but somehow, you know it is a good way to alienate your partner. what you have asked for, censorship, denies yourself this knowledge, it is a bitter lesson that you seek to take away from this lady...you seek to prop her up emotionally at a time of need, whereas i with AS would seek to tell her off and get a grip of herself. ( which i avoided on this occasion), telling her what she does to me, is a pretty good indicator of what she does to her partner.

in each way we are both trying to help.

i from my end...and you from yours.

I suspect Bill has enough gravitas and has helped enough with his time and experience of "everything" to be forgiven by others for any perceived sleight.

36 m diagnosed AS who is a Daneeka fan.

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