Guest guest Posted March 29, 2006 Report Share Posted March 29, 2006 I believe this is exactly what ACT is about - except that the values are not those dictated by society but our own sense of what's important and how we want to live our lives. We have lots of societal conditioning that says we should act certain ways and much conflict arises. However, identifying your OWN values and what you want your life to be about is extremely powerful. You might want to look at your own example - were you there for your parents because you wanted to avoid regret later or were you present because if you could have the world any way you wanted, you would have close relationships with them? There is a difference. For me, it has been clarification of my values and choosing actions in line with those values that has transformed my life. Do I step off the path? Yes. And now I know how to get back on. --- lostnightmusic wrote: > Still thinking about Values and thinking about how > I've acted in the > past. I'm remembering times when my VALUES were > obvious to me. For > instance, in the months before my father died, I had > a very clear > sense that I wanted to be a good son -- I wanted to > be there for my > parents because I knew that if I wasn't there I > would regret it later > (even though I was full of conflict about both of my > parents and it > was a miserable and painful time for me). I kept > that value before > me and I acted accordingly -- sometimes in spite of > how I was > feeling, sometimes in contradiction to how I was > feeling, sometimes > in alignment with my feelings, etc. My thoughts and > feelings were > always present but they never stopped me from acting > according to my > values. Is that what ACT is all about? > > If so, isn't it in some ways a very traditional > (i.e. old-fashioned) > idea about how human beings should live their lives? > I'm thinking of > the old 19th century view of character -- where > people did what they > believed was right or what they believed was good or > heroic -- often > in spite of what they were thinking or feeling. > > I don't know if this makes any sense. I'm just > interested in hearing > what other people think and how they're doing with > values in their > own lives. > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2006 Report Share Posted March 29, 2006 This reminds me of something I either read in " The Road Less Traveled " , or in " The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People " . I think it was in the former book. It was about not living your life in avoidance of pain. I.E., being willing to experience the little pain now in order to not have the big pain later. Recognizing that if you spend your life running away from all pain, you will end up suffering greater pain instead. Ex: You can avoid doing that book report now, to avoid the pain of doing it, but it will end up becoming a big, high-stress pain when the due date is really close! The book talked about how if people don't recognize the necessity of the little pain now, and instead run from it, it totally screws them up later in life. I.E., that's it's a very necessary lesson for kids to learn. > I believe this is exactly what ACT is about - except > that the values are not those dictated by society but > our own sense of what's important and how we want to > live our lives. We have lots of societal conditioning > that says we should act certain ways and much conflict > arises. However, identifying your OWN values and what > you want your life to be about is extremely powerful. > You might want to look at your own example - were you > there for your parents because you wanted to avoid > regret later or were you present because if you could > have the world any way you wanted, you would have > close relationships with them? There is a difference. > > For me, it has been clarification of my values and > choosing actions in line with those values that has > transformed my life. Do I step off the path? Yes. > And now I know how to get back on. > > > > --- lostnightmusic wrote: > > > Still thinking about Values and thinking about how > > I've acted in the > > past. I'm remembering times when my VALUES were > > obvious to me. For > > instance, in the months before my father died, I had > > a very clear > > sense that I wanted to be a good son -- I wanted to > > be there for my > > parents because I knew that if I wasn't there I > > would regret it later > > (even though I was full of conflict about both of my > > parents and it > > was a miserable and painful time for me). I kept > > that value before > > me and I acted accordingly -- sometimes in spite of > > how I was > > feeling, sometimes in contradiction to how I was > > feeling, sometimes > > in alignment with my feelings, etc. My thoughts and > > feelings were > > always present but they never stopped me from acting > > according to my > > values. Is that what ACT is all about? > > > > If so, isn't it in some ways a very traditional > > (i.e. old-fashioned) > > idea about how human beings should live their lives? > > I'm thinking of > > the old 19th century view of character -- where > > people did what they > > believed was right or what they believed was good or > > heroic -- often > > in spite of what they were thinking or feeling. > > > > I don't know if this makes any sense. I'm just > > interested in hearing > > what other people think and how they're doing with > > values in their > > own lives. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2006 Report Share Posted March 29, 2006 Foobar. There was a better phrase for the " not avoiding pain " thing from " The Road Less Traveled " . Ahah! It was " Delayed Gratification " . Delaying the gratification of " not writing the book report " so that you have the bigger gratification of having the book report done early and the enjoyment of free time w/o the task hanging over your head. > I believe this is exactly what ACT is about - except > that the values are not those dictated by society but > our own sense of what's important and how we want to > live our lives. We have lots of societal conditioning > that says we should act certain ways and much conflict > arises. However, identifying your OWN values and what > you want your life to be about is extremely powerful. > You might want to look at your own example - were you > there for your parents because you wanted to avoid > regret later or were you present because if you could > have the world any way you wanted, you would have > close relationships with them? There is a difference. > > For me, it has been clarification of my values and > choosing actions in line with those values that has > transformed my life. Do I step off the path? Yes. > And now I know how to get back on. > > > > --- lostnightmusic wrote: > > > Still thinking about Values and thinking about how > > I've acted in the > > past. I'm remembering times when my VALUES were > > obvious to me. For > > instance, in the months before my father died, I had > > a very clear > > sense that I wanted to be a good son -- I wanted to > > be there for my > > parents because I knew that if I wasn't there I > > would regret it later > > (even though I was full of conflict about both of my > > parents and it > > was a miserable and painful time for me). I kept > > that value before > > me and I acted accordingly -- sometimes in spite of > > how I was > > feeling, sometimes in contradiction to how I was > > feeling, sometimes > > in alignment with my feelings, etc. My thoughts and > > feelings were > > always present but they never stopped me from acting > > according to my > > values. Is that what ACT is all about? > > > > If so, isn't it in some ways a very traditional > > (i.e. old-fashioned) > > idea about how human beings should live their lives? > > I'm thinking of > > the old 19th century view of character -- where > > people did what they > > believed was right or what they believed was good or > > heroic -- often > > in spite of what they were thinking or feeling. > > > > I don't know if this makes any sense. I'm just > > interested in hearing > > what other people think and how they're doing with > > values in their > > own lives. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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