You saved my life

[Guest guest]

Dear Friends,

I came on here a few weeks ago asking for support (and assistance) in

committing suicide. I started writing a blog

(www.helpmedie.wordpress.com) to chronicle my strategic exit from

life. I cannot express my gratitude enough for the compassion and

loving guidance I got from many people in this group. I recieved so

many loving hands reaching out to me, it kept me going a bit longer

as I continued to process my decision. Someone here pointed me

toward Byron 's work (Loving what IS) and another one posted

something about Eckart Tolle. These posts were a life-raft for me.

As a result, I've had a turn-around, and am re-embracing life. If

you ever wonder if your presence on this site is doing any good, you

can rest assured that you have saved at least one life: mine. I was

serious about it, but you helped me. Thank you. I intend to keep the

blog going (under the same address but with a new name: Light in the

Dark, and is dedicated to helping other depressives work process

through what we all do. Hopefully I will be able to give back a bit

for all that you've done for me. Thank you. If you are intersted

in reading about my process of reclaiming life from the brink, check

out the blog: www.helpmedie.wordpress.com

Bless you All,

Arjuna - Edge Dweller

As I was studying the Byron work, I noticed an interesting

similarity to her method and the method of self inquiry used by

Ramana Maharshi to achieve realization. I started looking through

materials to find any connection between them, and stumbled upon a

quote by Sri Maharshi. In describing a seeker who was floundering

around in angst and shame (much like me), Sri Maharshi said, " He is

concentrating on the reflection and complains that he cannot see the

original. " I'm looking at that quote every day now for the power it

contains.

Yes, indeed, I have been concentrating on the reflection, and

this is an endless cycle of suffering that I choose. It's like

choosing to stare at a reflection of the moon in a pond, and berating

not being able to see the moon even while its right on top of my

head.

Concentrating on the reflection by focusing on other people's

(approval) smiles, nods, and cheers rather than my own heart.

Concentrating on a woman's affection to feel good about myself rather

than being in the joy of who I am.

Concentrating on escaping/numbing through drugs, booze, tv, internet,

food, and/or sex to feel " good " rather than being with what is.

Concentrating on my " reputation " , other people's opinion of me rather

than being in the joy of creating my own life.

Concentrating on how a woman looks rather than who she IS.

Concentrating on how I look rather than who I AM.

Concentrating on how much money I don't have rather than what I have.

Concentrating on how I feel rather than who I AM.

Concentrating on my self-judgments rather than the fact of what IS.

Concentrating on external circumstances rather than the source of all

things,

The source of all things that I do not understand but manifests in

every thought, breath, word, and deed of my existence.

I am not my circumstances, am I?

No, I have been suffering because I've chosen to concentrate on the

wrong thing. I've chosen to concentrate on the shadow of a

reflection of the original, the source of that comes before my

thoughts, before my feelings, before my judgments, before depression,

and even before happiness.

That source is in and within me, through and throughout every

vibrating cell of my body.

That moon that I see may be millions of miles away, but I can only

experience it in my brain through the light traveling through nerves,

impulses and pathways. My whole body fills with it, so it's not

really " out there " , is it?

In fact, it's reasonable to think that there is no real difference

between the light of the reflection and the light of the original.

It's all a reflection of the original, so even the idea that the

reflection and the original are separate is an illusion, and THIS

illusion is what causes suffering.