Guest guest Posted February 16, 2008 Report Share Posted February 16, 2008 Hello all- pardon the stream of thought posting... It's 4am here and I can't sleep. Why? This week I made a realization which is simultaneously the scariest one I have ever made as well as the most inspiring... It's my values. I'm not living them. They've been screaming at me through feelings of dissatisfaction and depression but I managed to ignore them. I've managed to cover myself up in distracting thoughts and behaviors. And right now I stand before them, emotionally naked, admitting this fact and mouth agape at their strength. I feel like they have the strength to inspire incredible feats or thrash me soundly through depression and despair. But, no matter what aversions, distractions, or medications I layer over them, their drum beats on and the calling remains the same... Sure, I've filled out the section in " Get Out of Your Mind " before, nodded my head, and said I would work on them. In fact, more than once in the last 18 months or so. But finally this week, in trying to understand the cause of some minor depression, I finally realized- if these are the things which I said my life is all about, why have I not FULLY COMMITTED to following them moment by moment? And I can stop wondering why my life has not seemed fulfilling. The reasons lay exactly before me. Suddenly my procrastination excuses (which has been a crippling sticking point) seemed very shallow. I could feel a stirring in my soul aching to doggedly pursue these values. And I'm also scared sh**less since I can no longer hide behind the excuses. I must admit I have faced my fears often in my life- in the Army in Bosnia, growing up on the streets of LA, and in my bizarre fear of heights. But none of those have prepared me for this. And, now that I can see the vitality in life which I have been missing for 35 years, I might be OK with that... Well, good night all, thanks for reading my rant... tomorrow just might be an interesting day... I know for sure that I will face setbacks, old mental habits, fears, and personal pain. But now I also know why I get up each day and face these... Respectufully, p.s. Has any one else ever hit this same point as I have? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.