Guest guest Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 I was wondered if anyone could help address some of these tough questions. I have been reading " how to get out of your mind and into your life " and doing the exercises. Needless to say there are definately a lot of concepts in there that are foreign and very hard for my to comprehend. As much as i can see the benefit in working with it has left me baffled in some ways. for instance, hayes says that in order lessen pain you must be willing to fully experience it and accept it. He suggests FEELING negative emotions instead of pushing them away. Okay, I can get down with that. But what does that mean in real life? For instance when im ordering a smoothie and a random painful childhood memory comes back up. Or when im at a party and i cant stop ruminating. His suggestion makes me feel like im at the mercy of my emotions. Im only a quarter way through the book, but as of now i feel like im in my head MORE because now when negative thoughts come up im trying to dwell on them and really experience them. So should i disreguard negative thoughts but pay attention to negative emotions? Thanks! Joe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Joe, <<<for instance, hayes says that in order lessen pain you must be willing to fully experience it and accept it. He suggests FEELING negative emotions instead of pushing them away. Okay, I can get down with that. But what does that mean in real life?>>> Take a look at the top of p.128. You don't really have to " do " anything to feel what you are feeling. Feeling emotions is a type of not-doing--not trying to block them, change them, or otherwise influence them. Let them do the work. <<<For instance when im ordering a smoothie and a random painful childhood memory comes back up. Or when im at a party and i cant stop ruminating. His suggestion makes me feel like im at the mercy of my emotions.>>> And that's perfectly OK. Notice that this is another feeling for you to allow to happen. Watch the feeling " being at the mercy of my mind " take place. Watch it come and go, get more intense, less intense, more intense, and so on. Watch your reactions to it. You might see yourself clenching up, becoming frustrated, questioning what you're doing, and so on. These reactions are perfectly OK. They are not bad or good, they just are, they exist. Understandably, your mind will want to add commentary or play-by-play to this process. And that's also OK. The goal is not to change what your mind does, but rather to change how you relate to what your mind does. Instead of getting caught up in the commentary itself, the goal is to stand back and just watch it take place. Watch the mind chatter. All that is taking place is chatter--you have to allow it, but you don't have to get caught up in it. <<<Im only a quarter way through the book, but as of now i feel like im in my head MORE because now when negative thoughts come up im trying to dwell on them and really experience them.>>> This reaction is actually completely normal in the beginning. We've all been through it. Keep going, you will eventually come to an understanding. Remember that to experience your thoughts and emotions, you don't have to feed them or try to maintain their presence in your mind. Nor do you have to concentrate on them or try to better process them intellectually. To allow them, you don't have to " do " anything. Just take your hands off of them. Relax your brain and let them do all the work. If they decide to stay with you, OK, then allow them to stay--and allow whatever additional feelings or reactions emerge in their presence. If they decide to go away, OK, then on to whatever comes next. <<<So should i disreguard negative thoughts but pay attention to negative emotions?>>> Allow them to occur but don't fuse with them or buy into what they might be trying to tell you. They are just momentary thoughts and feelings--you will have trillions of them in your life. Best wishes, -- > > I was wondered if anyone could help address some of these tough questions. > > I have been reading " how to get out of your mind and into your life " and doing the > exercises. Needless to say there are definately a lot of concepts in there that are foreign > and very hard for my to comprehend. As much as i can see the benefit in working with it > has left me baffled in some ways. > > for instance, hayes says that in order lessen pain you must be willing to fully experience it > and accept it. He suggests FEELING negative emotions instead of pushing them away. > Okay, I can get down with that. But what does that mean in real life? > > For instance when im ordering a smoothie and a random painful childhood memory > comes back up. Or when im at a party and i cant stop ruminating. His suggestion makes > me feel like im at the mercy of my emotions. > > Im only a quarter way through the book, but as of now i feel like im in my head MORE > because now when negative thoughts come up im trying to dwell on them and really > experience them. > > So should i disreguard negative thoughts but pay attention to negative emotions? > > > Thanks! > Joe! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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