Guest guest Posted January 18, 2008 Report Share Posted January 18, 2008 My belief is we are not our thoughts. I'm like you, I've learned to not fuse with the negative but I also don't fuse with the positive. I'm okay with that. I simply try to look for the truth. If I have a thought I ask myself if it's the truth. If it is then great because I'm a big believer in the truth no matter what it is. If it's not the truth, I thank my mind for the lovely thought (lie), and do my best to let it go and move on. I also prefer to live in the here and now rather than the past or future. I do rely on my past experiences to help me make choices for the present or the future but I don't spend my time fused with them. I simply use them to see what worked and what didn't work. Like you said humility can be valuable. It can give us the opportunity to look at what we've done honestly and do better if we so choose. Christi Self Acceptance I've been having quite a time with accepting my thoughts about myself. I want to have healthy self esteem. Yet I am getting that I do not fuse with a thought good or bad even about myself. It seems simple not to get entangled with the negative thoughts about me. What about the good ones though? Do I choose to just accept them too and go on attending to what I want to be about? Is it my actions that define me? Then I judge that as well, was what I did right or wrong. Maybe it is an aspect of mindfulness to not look back (that was the wrong thing to do) or plan ahead too much (that would be the right thing to do) Maybe I am confusing self esteem with self worth. Is there really such a thing that can describe what a person is worth? Is it just human nature to want to feel good about ourselves? It seems that it is better to be for myself than against myself. The danger seems to be when to stop. I believe humility is an asset more in line with my values although sometimes it isn't apparent. Is it more effective in any given moment to just be o.k. with who I am and not get into any very splendid thoughts about ME? It seems I have an ask to grind again. I need to stop asking, Oh my god why did I do just do THAT?!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2008 Report Share Posted January 19, 2008 Present Path, When I started out with ACT, my mind set forth a number of rules that had to be followed. Examples included: 1) You have to answer every question that comes up. 2) You have to be consistent. Unfortunately, if you submit unconditionally to these rules, it will be difficult to escape the troublesome grip of the mind. For me, the criterion is pragmatic. The only mental rule that I follow unconditionally is this: do what works, stay away from what doesn't work. The way I have come to know what works is not through rational analysis, but rather through experience over time. Experience is my guide. With that said, let me try to answer some of your questions: <<<I've been having quite a time with accepting my thoughts about myself. I want to have healthy self esteem.>>> My experience is that the more I directly try to achieve a healthy self-esteem, the more entangled I become. " Am I good? " " Am I bad? " " Am I worthy? " " Am I capable? " Who cares? To move forward with my life, I don't have to answer these questions. Trying to answer them gets me back in the same place where I started--inside the grip of the analytic mind. <<<Yet I am getting that I do not fuse with a thought good or bad even about myself. It seems simple not to get entangled with the negative thoughts about me. What about the good ones though?>>> I see the following mental rule operating here: If I defuse from one type of thought in one situation, then I have to defuse from all types of thoughts in all situations. If we follow this rule, then we're obviously in BIG trouble. We will become much more neurotic than we ever were before ACT ;-) So throw out the rule. With the practice of mindfulness over time, I have developed a sense of the ways in which my mind plays useless games with me. When these games emerge--whether they emerge in the form of thoughts or otherwise--I notice them and I let go of them. That for me is the extent of defusion. The target of defusion is not necessarily " good " thoughts or " bad " thoughts, but rather the troublesome tendencies of the mind that I would be better off without. Again, we learn to identify these tendencies through experience over time. <<<Is it my actions that define me? Then I judge that as well, was what I did right or wrong. Maybe it is an aspect of mindfulness to not look back (that was the wrong thing to do) or plan ahead too much (that would be the right thing to do). Maybe I am confusing self esteem with self worth.>>> Maybe you're just a smart person and your mind likes to generate questions. Maybe those questions are OK to just have. Maybe you don't have to answer them. Ultimately, ACT doesn't *resolve* questions like these. Instead, ACT *dissolves* them. It empowers you with the tools to get out of your mind and back into your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Thanks for sharing . As I read your responses, my mind kept coming back to a sense of flexibility in how you are approaching your mind and experience. Flexibility is important each moment we step onto the playing field of life. -j P. Forsyth, Ph.D. Associate Professor of Psychology Director of Clinical Training Director, Anxiety Disorders Research Program University at Albany, SUNY Department of Psychology Social Science 369 1400 Washington Avenue Albany, NY 12222 Ph: Fax: email: forsyth@... Web www.albany.edu/~forsyth www.acceptanceandmindfulness.com www.contextualpsychology.org Undergraduates interested in a research position in my lab can apply at: www.albany.edu/~forsyth/undergradra.html From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of brian_david_parks Sent: Saturday, January 19, 2008 3:59 PM To: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: Re: Self Acceptance Present Path, When I started out with ACT, my mind set forth a number of rules that had to be followed. Examples included: 1) You have to answer every question that comes up. 2) You have to be consistent. Unfortunately, if you submit unconditionally to these rules, it will be difficult to escape the troublesome grip of the mind. For me, the criterion is pragmatic. The only mental rule that I follow unconditionally is this: do what works, stay away from what doesn't work. The way I have come to know what works is not through rational analysis, but rather through experience over time. Experience is my guide. With that said, let me try to answer some of your questions: <<<I've been having quite a time with accepting my thoughts about myself. I want to have healthy self esteem.>>> My experience is that the more I directly try to achieve a healthy self-esteem, the more entangled I become. " Am I good? " " Am I bad? " " Am I worthy? " " Am I capable? " Who cares? To move forward with my life, I don't have to answer these questions. Trying to answer them gets me back in the same place where I started--inside the grip of the analytic mind. <<<Yet I am getting that I do not fuse with a thought good or bad even about myself. It seems simple not to get entangled with the negative thoughts about me. What about the good ones though?>>> I see the following mental rule operating here: If I defuse from one type of thought in one situation, then I have to defuse from all types of thoughts in all situations. If we follow this rule, then we're obviously in BIG trouble. We will become much more neurotic than we ever were before ACT ;-) So throw out the rule. With the practice of mindfulness over time, I have developed a sense of the ways in which my mind plays useless games with me. When these games emerge--whether they emerge in the form of thoughts or otherwise--I notice them and I let go of them. That for me is the extent of defusion. The target of defusion is not necessarily " good " thoughts or " bad " thoughts, but rather the troublesome tendencies of the mind that I would be better off without. Again, we learn to identify these tendencies through experience over time. <<<Is it my actions that define me? Then I judge that as well, was what I did right or wrong. Maybe it is an aspect of mindfulness to not look back (that was the wrong thing to do) or plan ahead too much (that would be the right thing to do). Maybe I am confusing self esteem with self worth.>>> Maybe you're just a smart person and your mind likes to generate questions. Maybe those questions are OK to just have. Maybe you don't have to answer them. Ultimately, ACT doesn't *resolve* questions like these. Instead, ACT *dissolves* them. It empowers you with the tools to get out of your mind and back into your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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