Re: Acceptance

[Guest guest]

I have to say----the take on acceptance that you've clearly felt your

way into with long, hard work is perfect, just perfect. I think

that's exactly what acceptance is, and I'm very happy you've found a

way to bring that to bear in the midst of such powerful memories.

Best,

JT

Quoting Christi :

> I'm on a DBT listserv and one of the most frequent questions I see

> are members asking for tips on Radical Acceptance. I struggled with

> DBT until I figured out how to make the skills work for me but this

> doesn't seem to be something that is taught or welcomed. ACT was a

> huge turning point in my therapy and part of the reason I was able

> to change the DBT skills to fit my situation. So, after another

> member asked about individual experiences with acceptance I thought

> I'd share with you part of my response to her. And, because I'm

> curious, to ask what acceptance means to each of you?

>

> Thanks, Christi

>

>

> My Email Response:

>

> I've done a lot of work around acceptance. For me it's more of

> something that is in my mind now than an actual activity that I do

> and it's taken me a long time to figure it out. I could not have

> done it without the DBT skills first but I believe acceptance was

> the turning point in my therapy. My therapist is an ACT (Acceptance

> and Commitment Therapy) therapist and it's much different from the

> traditional therapy. You can find several books on Amazon by

> and others regarding it. The newest workbook that I really

> like is called Get Out Of Your Mind And Into Your Life. Anyway,

> here's my personal take on acceptance.

>

> Most of you know that I suffer from extreme PTSD from severe

> physical and sexual abuse. I have nightmares almost nightly and

> body memories daily. When I was in this abusive relationship I

> pushed the pain away. When I was attempting to get out of the

> relationship and after I got out of the relationship I used self

> harm and other destructive behaviors to control the nightmares, body

> memories and emotions I was feeling. Everything in my life became

> about controling and avoiding everything. It was a vicious cycle.

>

> Even while I was going through DBT I was still locked into why the

> skills weren't making my 'symptoms' go away. Why wasn't changing my

> behavior changing what my mind was giving me? Our minds do

> whatever the hell they want. Just because we do something doesn't

> mean our mind isn't going to tell us something else.

>

> My first step was to notice the thought or thoughts my mind was

> giving me during a particular situation or body memory or whatever.

> Sometimes I could notice for a few seconds before I started

> avoiding again sometimes longer. I bounced back and forth with

> time depending where I was and what I was doing. I just practiced

> being mindful of my thoughts and tried not to judge my thoughts.

> If I judged my thoughts I thanked my mind for that and moved back

> to noticing the thought again. I was just curious.

>

> Once I could notice my thoughts I added noticing my judgements

> around my thoughts. Again, I just practiced when I could for

> whatever time I could. I tried to pay particular attention to the

> thoughts and judgements I found myself running from and would

> discuss those more with my therapist. The more I practiced the

> less anxious I was. I realized my thoughts weren't going to kill me.

>

> That was the key for me. My thoughts are just my thoughts. They

> aren't who I am. It's also been helpful for me in my relationships.

> Instead of trying to make the other person change their behavior

> I've learned to accept who they are. While I don't like having body

> memories and nightmares I had to learn to accept that they are part

> of me right now. Maybe even forever. It doesn't mean I like them

> or invite them into my life but they're there. So instead of

> fighting with them I've learned to sit with them until they pass.

> Because I've learned to accept them I'm in a place where I can do

> exposure therapy and hopeful I can rewire my brain to see the

> physical beatings and rapes as something that happened to me instead

> of something that is still happening to me.

>

> Acceptance doesn't involve anything other than allowing what is to

> be. Just noticing and acknowledging it. Not trying to change it,

> alter it, interfere with it, avoid it, like it, dislike it, etc. To

> simply just let whatever it is be what it is. What if we could all

> just have the thoughts we have, good or bad, right or wrong, with

> or without judgement and not beat ourselves up for having them?

> Most people I know don't think it's possible and continue using

> control and avoidance to self destruct. I'd rather be the minority

> because I enjoy having a life worth living. Acceptance in my

> opinion has been an extremely freeing experience. Can you imagine

> anything better than that?

JT Blackledge, Ph. D.

Assistant Professor

Department of Psychology

Morehead State University

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[Guest guest]

Thanks for a very helpful post.

I often make the mistake of understanding acceptance to be a feeling

of contentment or peace with some unwanted fact of life.

Let me use a trivial example to explain. Ten years ago I started

losing my hair. At the time, it bothered me significantly.

Eventually, I became accustomed to the hair loss, and so it no longer

bothered me as much. I am now used to it, and so my feelings towards

it have shifted from frustration to contentment. In other words,

bald is how my head is, and I can live with that.

That feeling of " contentment " or " peace " with the facts of our lives

is obviously something that we would choose for everything if we

could. It is a great feeling.

The danger is that if we understand acceptance to mean the presence

of that feeling, then " accepting " the unwanted facts of our lives

starts to mean " feeling a certain way about " those facts. And now we

are back in the dangerous game of trying to self-regulate or engineer

our emotions.

So under this mistaken approach, I might have a feeling of self-

consciousness about my hair loss, and my reaction would be " No! Don't

let it bother you, ACCEPT it! " We all know where that sort of

internal dialogue leads ;-)

Rather than a feeling towards something, I understand acceptance more

in terms of taking your hands off of your feelings. Acceptance is a

type of mindful letting go. In acceptance, you allow your feelings

to happen as they happen. You don't suppress them, but you also

don't fuel them or become lost in their associated statements. You

just have them--and this requires no effort on your part, because

they come to you out of their own accord. They do their own work--

let them do it. Let them happen as you move forward with living your

life.

The nice part is that, often times, if you take this approach, the

desireable feelings of contentment and peace will gradually replace

the unwanted feelings of frustration and sorrow. The important point

is that this transition can only take place naturally, in the absence

of efforts at avoidance, interference or emotional self-regulation.

>

> I'm on a DBT listserv and one of the most frequent questions I see

are members asking for tips on Radical Acceptance. I struggled with

DBT until I figured out how to make the skills work for me but this

doesn't seem to be something that is taught or welcomed. ACT was a

huge turning point in my therapy and part of the reason I was able to

change the DBT skills to fit my situation. So, after another member

asked about individual experiences with acceptance I thought I'd

share with you part of my response to her. And, because I'm curious,

to ask what acceptance means to each of you?

>

> Thanks, Christi

>

>

> My Email Response:

>

> I've done a lot of work around acceptance. For me it's more of

something that is in my mind now than an actual activity that I do

and it's taken me a long time to figure it out. I could not have

done it without the DBT skills first but I believe acceptance was the

turning point in my therapy. My therapist is an ACT (Acceptance and

Commitment Therapy) therapist and it's much different from the

traditional therapy. You can find several books on Amazon by

and others regarding it. The newest workbook that I really

like is called Get Out Of Your Mind And Into Your Life. Anyway,

here's my personal take on acceptance.

>

> Most of you know that I suffer from extreme PTSD from severe

physical and sexual abuse. I have nightmares almost nightly and body

memories daily. When I was in this abusive relationship I pushed the

pain away. When I was attempting to get out of the relationship and

after I got out of the relationship I used self harm and other

destructive behaviors to control the nightmares, body memories and

emotions I was feeling. Everything in my life became about

controling and avoiding everything. It was a vicious cycle.

>

> Even while I was going through DBT I was still locked into why the

skills weren't making my 'symptoms' go away. Why wasn't changing my

behavior changing what my mind was giving me? Our minds do whatever

the hell they want. Just because we do something doesn't mean our

mind isn't going to tell us something else.

>

> My first step was to notice the thought or thoughts my mind was

giving me during a particular situation or body memory or whatever.

Sometimes I could notice for a few seconds before I started avoiding

again sometimes longer. I bounced back and forth with time depending

where I was and what I was doing. I just practiced being mindful of

my thoughts and tried not to judge my thoughts. If I judged my

thoughts I thanked my mind for that and moved back to noticing the

thought again. I was just curious.

>

> Once I could notice my thoughts I added noticing my judgements

around my thoughts. Again, I just practiced when I could for

whatever time I could. I tried to pay particular attention to the

thoughts and judgements I found myself running from and would discuss

those more with my therapist. The more I practiced the less

anxious I was. I realized my thoughts weren't going to kill me.

>

> That was the key for me. My thoughts are just my thoughts. They

aren't who I am. It's also been helpful for me in my relationships.

Instead of trying to make the other person change their behavior I've

learned to accept who they are. While I don't like having body

memories and nightmares I had to learn to accept that they are part

of me right now. Maybe even forever. It doesn't mean I like them or

invite them into my life but they're there. So instead of fighting

with them I've learned to sit with them until they pass. Because

I've learned to accept them I'm in a place where I can do exposure

therapy and hopeful I can rewire my brain to see the physical

beatings and rapes as something that happened to me instead of

something that is still happening to me.

>

> Acceptance doesn't involve anything other than allowing what is to

be. Just noticing and acknowledging it. Not trying to change it,

alter it, interfere with it, avoid it, like it, dislike it, etc. To

simply just let whatever it is be what it is. What if we could all

just have the thoughts we have, good or bad, right or wrong, with or

without judgement and not beat ourselves up for having them? Most

people I know don't think it's possible and continue using control

and avoidance to self destruct. I'd rather be the minority because I

enjoy having a life worth living. Acceptance in my opinion has been

an extremely freeing experience. Can you imagine anything better

than that?

>

[Guest guest]

Beautifully stated!!!!

Christi

Re: Acceptance

Thanks for a very helpful post.I often make the mistake of understanding acceptance to be a feeling of contentment or peace with some unwanted fact of life. Let me use a trivial example to explain. Ten years ago I started losing my hair. At the time, it bothered me significantly. Eventually, I became accustomed to the hair loss, and so it no longer bothered me as much. I am now used to it, and so my feelings towards it have shifted from frustration to contentment. In other words, bald is how my head is, and I can live with that. That feeling of "contentment" or "peace" with the facts of our lives is obviously something that we would choose for everything if we could. It is a great feeling.The danger is that if we understand acceptance to mean the presence of that feeling, then "accepting" the unwanted facts of our lives starts to mean "feeling a certain way about" those facts. And

now we are back in the dangerous game of trying to self-regulate or engineer our emotions.So under this mistaken approach, I might have a feeling of self-consciousness about my hair loss, and my reaction would be "No! Don't let it bother you, ACCEPT it!" We all know where that sort of internal dialogue leads ;-) Rather than a feeling towards something, I understand acceptance more in terms of taking your hands off of your feelings. Acceptance is a type of mindful letting go. In acceptance, you allow your feelings to happen as they happen. You don't suppress them, but you also don't fuel them or become lost in their associated statements. You just have them--and this requires no effort on your part, because they come to you out of their own accord. They do their own work--let them do it. Let them happen as you move forward with living your life. The nice part is that, often

times, if you take this approach, the desireable feelings of contentment and peace will gradually replace the unwanted feelings of frustration and sorrow. The important point is that this transition can only take place naturally, in the absence of efforts at avoidance, interference or emotional self-regulation. >> I'm on a DBT listserv and one of the most frequent questions I see are members asking for tips on Radical Acceptance. I struggled with DBT until I figured out how to make the skills work for me but this doesn't seem to be something that is taught or welcomed. ACT was a huge turning point in my therapy and part of the reason I was able to change the DBT skills

to fit my situation. So, after another member asked about individual experiences with acceptance I thought I'd share with you part of my response to her. And, because I'm curious, to ask what acceptance means to each of you? > > Thanks, Christi> > > My Email Response:> > I've done a lot of work around acceptance. For me it's more of something that is in my mind now than an actual activity that I do and it's taken me a long time to figure it out. I could not have done it without the DBT skills first but I believe acceptance was the turning point in my therapy. My therapist is an ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) therapist and it's much different from the traditional therapy. You can find several books on Amazon by and others regarding it. The newest workbook that I really like is called Get Out Of Your Mind And Into Your Life. Anyway,

here's my personal take on acceptance.> > Most of you know that I suffer from extreme PTSD from severe physical and sexual abuse. I have nightmares almost nightly and body memories daily. When I was in this abusive relationship I pushed the pain away. When I was attempting to get out of the relationship and after I got out of the relationship I used self harm and other destructive behaviors to control the nightmares, body memories and emotions I was feeling. Everything in my life became about controling and avoiding everything. It was a vicious cycle.> > Even while I was going through DBT I was still locked into why the skills weren't making my 'symptoms' go away. Why wasn't changing my behavior changing what my mind was giving me? Our minds do whatever the hell they want. Just because we do something doesn't mean our mind isn't going to tell us something else. > >

My first step was to notice the thought or thoughts my mind was giving me during a particular situation or body memory or whatever. Sometimes I could notice for a few seconds before I started avoiding again sometimes longer. I bounced back and forth with time depending where I was and what I was doing. I just practiced being mindful of my thoughts and tried not to judge my thoughts. If I judged my thoughts I thanked my mind for that and moved back to noticing the thought again. I was just curious.> > Once I could notice my thoughts I added noticing my judgements around my thoughts. Again, I just practiced when I could for whatever time I could. I tried to pay particular attention to the thoughts and judgements I found myself running from and would discuss those more with my therapist. The more I practiced the less anxious I was. I realized my thoughts weren't going to kill me. >

> That was the key for me. My thoughts are just my thoughts. They aren't who I am. It's also been helpful for me in my relationships. Instead of trying to make the other person change their behavior I've learned to accept who they are. While I don't like having body memories and nightmares I had to learn to accept that they are part of me right now. Maybe even forever. It doesn't mean I like them or invite them into my life but they're there. So instead of fighting with them I've learned to sit with them until they pass. Because I've learned to accept them I'm in a place where I can do exposure therapy and hopeful I can rewire my brain to see the physical beatings and rapes as something that happened to me instead of something that is still happening to me.> > Acceptance doesn't involve anything other than allowing what is to be. Just noticing and acknowledging it. Not trying to change

it, alter it, interfere with it, avoid it, like it, dislike it, etc. To simply just let whatever it is be what it is. What if we could all just have the thoughts we have, good or bad, right or wrong, with or without judgement and not beat ourselves up for having them? Most people I know don't think it's possible and continue using control and avoidance to self destruct. I'd rather be the minority because I enjoy having a life worth living. Acceptance in my opinion has been an extremely freeing experience. Can you imagine anything better than that?>

[Guest guest]

> >

> > I'm on a DBT listserv and one of the most frequent questions I

see

> are members asking for tips on Radical Acceptance. I struggled

with

> DBT until I figured out how to make the skills work for me but this

> doesn't seem to be something that is taught or welcomed. ACT was a

> huge turning point in my therapy and part of the reason I was able

to

> change the DBT skills to fit my situation. So, after another

member

> asked about individual experiences with acceptance I thought I'd

> share with you part of my response to her. And, because I'm

curious,

> to ask what acceptance means to each of you?

> >

> > Thanks, Christi

> >

> >

> > My Email Response:

> >

> > I've done a lot of work around acceptance. For me it's more of

> something that is in my mind now than an actual activity that I do

> and it's taken me a long time to figure it out. I could not have

> done it without the DBT skills first but I believe acceptance was

the

> turning point in my therapy. My therapist is an ACT (Acceptance

and

> Commitment Therapy) therapist and it's much different from the

> traditional therapy. You can find several books on Amazon by

> and others regarding it. The newest workbook that I really

> like is called Get Out Of Your Mind And Into Your Life. Anyway,

> here's my personal take on acceptance.

> >

> > Most of you know that I suffer from extreme PTSD from severe

> physical and sexual abuse. I have nightmares almost nightly and

body

> memories daily. When I was in this abusive relationship I pushed

the

> pain away. When I was attempting to get out of the relationship

and

> after I got out of the relationship I used self harm and other

> destructive behaviors to control the nightmares, body memories and

> emotions I was feeling. Everything in my life became about

> controling and avoiding everything. It was a vicious cycle.

> >

> > Even while I was going through DBT I was still locked into why

the

> skills weren't making my 'symptoms' go away. Why wasn't changing

my

> behavior changing what my mind was giving me? Our minds do

whatever

> the hell they want. Just because we do something doesn't mean our

> mind isn't going to tell us something else.

> >

> > My first step was to notice the thought or thoughts my mind was

> giving me during a particular situation or body memory or

whatever.

> Sometimes I could notice for a few seconds before I started

avoiding

> again sometimes longer. I bounced back and forth with time

depending

> where I was and what I was doing. I just practiced being mindful

of

> my thoughts and tried not to judge my thoughts. If I judged my

> thoughts I thanked my mind for that and moved back to noticing the

> thought again. I was just curious.

> >

> > Once I could notice my thoughts I added noticing my judgements

> around my thoughts. Again, I just practiced when I could for

> whatever time I could. I tried to pay particular attention to the

> thoughts and judgements I found myself running from and would

discuss

> those more with my therapist. The more I practiced the less

> anxious I was. I realized my thoughts weren't going to kill me.

> >

> > That was the key for me. My thoughts are just my thoughts. They

> aren't who I am. It's also been helpful for me in my

relationships.

> Instead of trying to make the other person change their behavior

I've

> learned to accept who they are. While I don't like having body

> memories and nightmares I had to learn to accept that they are part

> of me right now. Maybe even forever. It doesn't mean I like them

or

> invite them into my life but they're there. So instead of fighting

> with them I've learned to sit with them until they pass. Because

> I've learned to accept them I'm in a place where I can do exposure

> therapy and hopeful I can rewire my brain to see the physical

> beatings and rapes as something that happened to me instead of

> something that is still happening to me.

> >

> > Acceptance doesn't involve anything other than allowing what is

to

> be. Just noticing and acknowledging it. Not trying to change it,

> alter it, interfere with it, avoid it, like it, dislike it, etc.

To

> simply just let whatever it is be what it is. What if we could all

> just have the thoughts we have, good or bad, right or wrong, with

or

> without judgement and not beat ourselves up for having them? Most

> people I know don't think it's possible and continue using control

> and avoidance to self destruct. I'd rather be the minority because

I

> enjoy having a life worth living. Acceptance in my opinion has

been

> an extremely freeing experience. Can you imagine anything better

> than that?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

> Most of you know that I suffer from extreme PTSD from severe

physical and sexual abuse.

Hi Christi -

Great post about acceptance, by the way - really helpful.

I'm wondering, for folks who haven't suffered from physical or sexual

abuse but from perhaps milder (yet still significant) histories such

as fairly extreme emotional neglect by a caregiver during childhood -

would DBT be useful in combination with ACT? What are the differences

btw the two approaches?

I ask because in dealing with an aging parent of mine, I find myself

seemingly split into two different patterns of behavior. On the one

hand, this person is in a great deal of physical & emotional distress

due to illness & the resulting narrowing of activities & prospects &

fear of death; I feel considerable grief over this & even though

there isn't much of a relationship there even now, my value is to do

what I can as a son to express interest & offer at least some relief.

On the other hand I am noticing some extreme reactions on my part

towards other unrelated people - judging by my behavior, these folks

seem to be serving as inappropriate & unwitting surrogates for what

seem to be deep feelings of hurt & rage. And I can see what seem to

be similar angry & hurt responses to such surrogate figures going

back through my life into my teens.

It's not as if I can direct these volcanic thoughts & feelings

towards my actual parent now - they are not even the same person they

were when I was a kid - & moreover I see how fragile they are & wish

most of all for some kind of peace for them, not a renewal of warfare

on my part.

Anyway, any thoughts you have would be welcome -

Randy

[Guest guest]

> On the other hand I am noticing some extreme reactions on my part

> towards other unrelated people - judging by my behavior, these

> folks seem to be serving as inappropriate & unwitting surrogates

> for what seem to be deep feelings of hurt & rage. And I can see

> what seem to be similar angry & hurt responses to such surrogate

> figures going back through my life into my teens.

Oops, I should add that it's not just the presence of these thoughts/

feelings that is the problem - uncomfortable as they are - but that

(a) I seem to fuse with them quite readily, and ( I think they

contribute to a kind of Great Wall of Risk Avoidance going way back

that my ACT work has punched peepholes in here & there but not yet

knocked down.

[Guest guest]

Acceptance is so cool when you start to wear it some. Thanks for

bringing up this lovely component of ACT.

I have a good recent example. Just a small thing, but I think it is

illustrative of Acceptance.

The other day I was planning to meet someone to test drive a car (I'm

in the market)-- and well, long story short--it didn't happen. I had

done all my homework: called in advance with questions, planned it,

confirmed it and I told her I would be making a long trip to come see

the car--and yet with all that (everything I could control)---she just

wasn't prepared. And the car was not ready. And worse yet, it appeared

to be getting some serious maintenance work

(er, not a good sign...) despite being billed as in perfect condition.

Here is the interesting part:

At first I noticed that I (automatically, out of habit) was efforting

at being 'nice', and there was a strong part of me that was simply

denying the reality, wanting to make it all go away. And so I smiled

and chatted and pretended. (In some circles this is referred to as

reaction formation, wherein you respond in direct opposition to what

you might otherwise, such as laughing at something tragic.). The

person did not apologize, which added to my frustration, and yet I

kept seeming to want to pretend that it was all just fine and dandy,

when in truth I was rather upset for the waste of time and sad and of

course I felt taken for a ride (sorry for the bad play on words!).

But then, slowly, after a few minutes, something amazing happened!

There was a shift wherein I began to let it in--all the sadness, the

sense of betrayal. It dawned on me that I was hugely dissapointed and

that I was NOT ALLOWING myself to be so. And that I needed to just

allow the upset to breathe some!

I can't say for sure how this occurred, because it happened rather

quickly--but I do know that within practicing Acceptance, Defusion,

and Values, this opening is much more accessible than it used to

be--this sort of full on willingness to see things for what they are

and are not. Especially practicing the mindfulness work--this has been

pivotal for me.

But boy, does the mind argue and fight against this sort of thing--it

so wants to be right, to have it all figured out (which sometimes says

'I need to feel good about this, conflict and disappointment cannot be

here'), that it will continue to fight for and imagine conclusions/

scenarios that are not there. I don't think I've ever fully

appreciated to what lengths we will go to avoid and suppress that

which is already there anyway.

And so I let the sadness wash over me. I allowed the utter

dissapointment. I tried not to add more to it than was necessary,and

it wasn't perfect by any means--I hemmed and hawed and then I just

made a decision to leave. I excused myself and said goodbye with no

further ado, no further explanation. I did hold onto the anger for a

few hours, but it wasn't nearly the big deal it may have been in the

past.

For the most part, I felt free, I felt I had honored what was

happening and that was a really good feeling.

Acceptance is just having that room to radically notice, to be real

about what is really happening. Life is too short to pretend.

Joanne

>

> I'm on a DBT listserv and one of the most frequent questions I see

are members asking for tips on Radical Acceptance. I struggled with

DBT until I figured out how to make the skills work for me but this

doesn't seem to be something that is taught or welcomed. ACT was a

huge turning point in my therapy and part of the reason I was able to

change the DBT skills to fit my situation. So, after another member

asked about individual experiences with acceptance I thought I'd share

with you part of my response to her. And, because I'm curious, to ask

what acceptance means to each of you?

>

> Thanks, Christi

>

>

> My Email Response:

>

> I've done a lot of work around acceptance. For me it's more of

something that is in my mind now than an actual activity that I do and

it's taken me a long time to figure it out. I could not have done it

without the DBT skills first but I believe acceptance was the turning

point in my therapy. My therapist is an ACT (Acceptance and

Commitment Therapy) therapist and it's much different from the

traditional therapy. You can find several books on Amazon by

and others regarding it. The newest workbook that I really like

is called Get Out Of Your Mind And Into Your Life. Anyway, here's my

personal take on acceptance.

>

> Most of you know that I suffer from extreme PTSD from severe

physical and sexual abuse. I have nightmares almost nightly and body

memories daily. When I was in this abusive relationship I pushed the

pain away. When I was attempting to get out of the relationship and

after I got out of the relationship I used self harm and other

destructive behaviors to control the nightmares, body memories and

emotions I was feeling. Everything in my life became about controling

and avoiding everything. It was a vicious cycle.

>

> Even while I was going through DBT I was still locked into why the

skills weren't making my 'symptoms' go away. Why wasn't changing my

behavior changing what my mind was giving me? Our minds do whatever

the hell they want. Just because we do something doesn't mean our

mind isn't going to tell us something else.

>

> My first step was to notice the thought or thoughts my mind was

giving me during a particular situation or body memory or whatever.

Sometimes I could notice for a few seconds before I started avoiding

again sometimes longer. I bounced back and forth with time depending

where I was and what I was doing. I just practiced being mindful of

my thoughts and tried not to judge my thoughts. If I judged my

thoughts I thanked my mind for that and moved back to noticing the

thought again. I was just curious.

>

> Once I could notice my thoughts I added noticing my judgements

around my thoughts. Again, I just practiced when I could for whatever

time I could. I tried to pay particular attention to the thoughts and

judgements I found myself running from and would discuss those more

with my therapist. The more I practiced the less anxious I was. I

realized my thoughts weren't going to kill me.

>

> That was the key for me. My thoughts are just my thoughts. They

aren't who I am. It's also been helpful for me in my relationships.

Instead of trying to make the other person change their behavior I've

learned to accept who they are. While I don't like having body

memories and nightmares I had to learn to accept that they are part of

me right now. Maybe even forever. It doesn't mean I like them or

invite them into my life but they're there. So instead of fighting

with them I've learned to sit with them until they pass. Because I've

learned to accept them I'm in a place where I can do exposure therapy

and hopeful I can rewire my brain to see the physical beatings and

rapes as something that happened to me instead of something that is

still happening to me.

>

> Acceptance doesn't involve anything other than allowing what is to

be. Just noticing and acknowledging it. Not trying to change it,

alter it, interfere with it, avoid it, like it, dislike it, etc. To

simply just let whatever it is be what it is. What if we could all

just have the thoughts we have, good or bad, right or wrong, with or

without judgement and not beat ourselves up for having them? Most

people I know don't think it's possible and continue using control and

avoidance to self destruct. I'd rather be the minority because I

enjoy having a life worth living. Acceptance in my opinion has been

an extremely freeing experience. Can you imagine anything better than

that?

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for that Joanne - interesting. I was wondering what I would have done in those circumstances. I mean, once you have allowed and accepted' the feelings of disapointment and frustration, what do you do with those feelings? If someone has genuinly done a dirty on you what do you do? Act on that anger, by communicating your feelings or just observe it and allow it to be. I think if you do the latter there may be a chance of supression, and thats not good for the health! Didn't you feel like telling them they had wasted your time? You are right, life is too short to pretend! Maybe anger expressed is healthier? I don't know.

Simone

Re: Acceptance

Acceptance is so cool when you start to wear it some. Thanks forbringing up this lovely component of ACT.I have a good recent example. Just a small thing, but I think it isillustrative of Acceptance.The other day I was planning to meet someone to test drive a car (I'min the market)-- and well, long story short--it didn't happen. I haddone all my homework: called in advance with questions, planned it,confirmed it and I told her I would be making a long trip to come seethe car--and yet with all that (everything I could control)---she justwasn't prepared. And the car was not ready. And worse yet, it appearedto be getting some serious maintenance work(er, not a good sign...) despite being billed as in perfect condition.Here is the interesting part:At first I noticed that I (automatically, out of habit) was effortingat being 'nice', and there was a strong part of me that was

simplydenying the reality, wanting to make it all go away. And so I smiledand chatted and pretended. (In some circles this is referred to asreaction formation, wherein you respond in direct opposition to whatyou might otherwise, such as laughing at something tragic.). Theperson did not apologize, which added to my frustration, and yet Ikept seeming to want to pretend that it was all just fine and dandy,when in truth I was rather upset for the waste of time and sad and ofcourse I felt taken for a ride (sorry for the bad play on words!). But then, slowly, after a few minutes, something amazing happened!There was a shift wherein I began to let it in--all the sadness, thesense of betrayal. It dawned on me that I was hugely dissapointed andthat I was NOT ALLOWING myself to be so. And that I needed to justallow the upset to breathe some!I can't say for sure how this occurred, because it happened

ratherquickly--but I do know that within practicing Acceptance, Defusion,and Values, this opening is much more accessible than it used tobe--this sort of full on willingness to see things for what they areand are not. Especially practicing the mindfulness work--this has beenpivotal for me.But boy, does the mind argue and fight against this sort of thing--itso wants to be right, to have it all figured out (which sometimes says'I need to feel good about this, conflict and disappointment cannot behere'), that it will continue to fight for and imagine conclusions/scenarios that are not there. I don't think I've ever fullyappreciated to what lengths we will go to avoid and suppress thatwhich is already there anyway.And so I let the sadness wash over me. I allowed the utterdissapointment. I tried not to add more to it than was necessary,andit wasn't perfect by any means--I hemmed and hawed

and then I justmade a decision to leave. I excused myself and said goodbye with nofurther ado, no further explanation. I did hold onto the anger for afew hours, but it wasn't nearly the big deal it may have been in thepast. For the most part, I felt free, I felt I had honored what washappening and that was a really good feeling.Acceptance is just having that room to radically notice, to be realabout what is really happening. Life is too short to pretend.Joanne>> I'm on a DBT listserv and one of the most frequent questions I seeare members asking for tips on Radical Acceptance. I struggled withDBT until I figured out how to make the skills work for me

but thisdoesn't seem to be something that is taught or welcomed. ACT was ahuge turning point in my therapy and part of the reason I was able tochange the DBT skills to fit my situation. So, after another memberasked about individual experiences with acceptance I thought I'd sharewith you part of my response to her. And, because I'm curious, to askwhat acceptance means to each of you? > > Thanks, Christi> > > My Email Response:> > I've done a lot of work around acceptance. For me it's more ofsomething that is in my mind now than an actual activity that I do andit's taken me a long time to figure it out. I could not have done itwithout the DBT skills first but I believe acceptance was the turningpoint in my therapy. My therapist is an ACT (Acceptance andCommitment Therapy) therapist and it's much different from thetraditional therapy. You can find several

books on Amazon by and others regarding it. The newest workbook that I really likeis called Get Out Of Your Mind And Into Your Life. Anyway, here's mypersonal take on acceptance.> > Most of you know that I suffer from extreme PTSD from severephysical and sexual abuse. I have nightmares almost nightly and bodymemories daily. When I was in this abusive relationship I pushed thepain away. When I was attempting to get out of the relationship andafter I got out of the relationship I used self harm and otherdestructive behaviors to control the nightmares, body memories andemotions I was feeling. Everything in my life became about controlingand avoiding everything. It was a vicious cycle.> > Even while I was going through DBT I was still locked into why theskills weren't making my 'symptoms' go away. Why wasn't changing mybehavior changing what my mind was giving me? Our

minds do whateverthe hell they want. Just because we do something doesn't mean ourmind isn't going to tell us something else. > > My first step was to notice the thought or thoughts my mind wasgiving me during a particular situation or body memory or whatever. Sometimes I could notice for a few seconds before I started avoidingagain sometimes longer. I bounced back and forth with time dependingwhere I was and what I was doing. I just practiced being mindful ofmy thoughts and tried not to judge my thoughts. If I judged mythoughts I thanked my mind for that and moved back to noticing thethought again. I was just curious.> > Once I could notice my thoughts I added noticing my judgementsaround my thoughts. Again, I just practiced when I could for whatevertime I could. I tried to pay particular attention to the thoughts andjudgements I found myself running from and would discuss

those morewith my therapist. The more I practiced the less anxious I was. Irealized my thoughts weren't going to kill me. > > That was the key for me. My thoughts are just my thoughts. Theyaren't who I am. It's also been helpful for me in my relationships. Instead of trying to make the other person change their behavior I'velearned to accept who they are. While I don't like having bodymemories and nightmares I had to learn to accept that they are part ofme right now. Maybe even forever. It doesn't mean I like them orinvite them into my life but they're there. So instead of fightingwith them I've learned to sit with them until they pass. Because I'velearned to accept them I'm in a place where I can do exposure therapyand hopeful I can rewire my brain to see the physical beatings andrapes as something that happened to me instead of something that isstill happening to me.> >

Acceptance doesn't involve anything other than allowing what is tobe. Just noticing and acknowledging it. Not trying to change it,alter it, interfere with it, avoid it, like it, dislike it, etc. Tosimply just let whatever it is be what it is. What if we could alljust have the thoughts we have, good or bad, right or wrong, with orwithout judgement and not beat ourselves up for having them? Mostpeople I know don't think it's possible and continue using control andavoidance to self destruct. I'd rather be the minority because Ienjoy having a life worth living. Acceptance in my opinion has beenan extremely freeing experience. Can you imagine anything better thanthat?>

Yahoo! Answers - Get better answers from someone who knows. Try

it now.

[Guest guest]

>

> Thanks for that Joanne - interesting. I was wondering what I would

have done in those circumstances. I mean, once you have allowed and

accepted' the feelings of disapointment and frustration, what do you

do with those feelings? If someone has genuinly done a dirty on you

what do you do? Act on that anger, by communicating your feelings or

just observe it and allow it to be. I think if you do the latter there

may be a chance of supression, and thats not good for the health!

Didn't you feel like telling them they had wasted your time? You are

right, life is too short to pretend! Maybe anger expressed is

healthier? I don't know.

>

> Simone

>

>

> Re: Acceptance

>

> Acceptance is so cool when you start to wear it some. Thanks for

> bringing up this lovely component of ACT.

>

> I have a good recent example. Just a small thing, but I think it is

> illustrative of Acceptance.

>

> The other day I was planning to meet someone to test drive a car (I'm

> in the market)-- and well, long story short--it didn't happen. I had

> done all my homework: called in advance with questions, planned it,

> confirmed it and I told her I would be making a long trip to come see

> the car--and yet with all that (everything I could control)---she just

> wasn't prepared. And the car was not ready. And worse yet, it appeared

> to be getting some serious maintenance work

> (er, not a good sign...) despite being billed as in perfect condition.

>

> Here is the interesting part:

>

> At first I noticed that I (automatically, out of habit) was efforting

> at being 'nice', and there was a strong part of me that was simply

> denying the reality, wanting to make it all go away. And so I smiled

> and chatted and pretended. (In some circles this is referred to as

> reaction formation, wherein you respond in direct opposition to what

> you might otherwise, such as laughing at something tragic.). The

> person did not apologize, which added to my frustration, and yet I

> kept seeming to want to pretend that it was all just fine and dandy,

> when in truth I was rather upset for the waste of time and sad and of

> course I felt taken for a ride (sorry for the bad play on words!).

>

> But then, slowly, after a few minutes, something amazing happened!

> There was a shift wherein I began to let it in--all the sadness, the

> sense of betrayal. It dawned on me that I was hugely dissapointed and

> that I was NOT ALLOWING myself to be so. And that I needed to just

> allow the upset to breathe some!

>

> I can't say for sure how this occurred, because it happened rather

> quickly--but I do know that within practicing Acceptance, Defusion,

> and Values, this opening is much more accessible than it used to

> be--this sort of full on willingness to see things for what they are

> and are not. Especially practicing the mindfulness work--this has been

> pivotal for me.

>

> But boy, does the mind argue and fight against this sort of thing--it

> so wants to be right, to have it all figured out (which sometimes says

> 'I need to feel good about this, conflict and disappointment cannot be

> here'), that it will continue to fight for and imagine conclusions/

> scenarios that are not there. I don't think I've ever fully

> appreciated to what lengths we will go to avoid and suppress that

> which is already there anyway.

>

> And so I let the sadness wash over me. I allowed the utter

> dissapointment. I tried not to add more to it than was necessary,and

> it wasn't perfect by any means--I hemmed and hawed and then I just

> made a decision to leave. I excused myself and said goodbye with no

> further ado, no further explanation. I did hold onto the anger for a

> few hours, but it wasn't nearly the big deal it may have been in the

> past.

>

> For the most part, I felt free, I felt I had honored what was

> happening and that was a really good feeling.

>

> Acceptance is just having that room to radically notice, to be real

> about what is really happening. Life is too short to pretend.

>

> Joanne

>

I feel kindof proud of and in awe of you all at the same time Joanne,

for how you behaved, and dealt with this situation.

I think that you did so well for accepting your feelings and allowing

them to be. To answer Simone, my guess is there is a difference

between acceptance, suppressing and expressing feelings. It may not be

appropriate to express your feeling (say if your boss tells you off!),

or as joanne did in this situation you can choose not to express them

externally, while internally acknowledging and accepting. WHich is not

the same as suppressing - which as Joanne hints at is what she was

doing to begin with - though presumably being aware that there was

something not quite congruent about how she felt and the way she was

acting.

but then I'm not a professional!

j

[Guest guest]

Hi Simone,

Yeah, I think the thing is it just really depends.

What you 'do' with the feelings is you take a deep breath, and then

with the acceptance and defusion, you act on your values, keeping your

eyes on the prize. I needed a car, and there was no car (or no decent

car) to be had there. So I voted with my hands and feet and I left

(they had asked me to stay, if you can believe that--to wait while the

car was being repaired). So I suppose you could say I essentially

dropped the rope and moved on.

But like I said, it was by no means perfect... gotta real play around

with this stuff.

To be honest, my mind did run through a few righteous (and not

suitable for list serv protocol) " Here's what you can do with your

car " scenarios afterward. And for a short time, I wondered if maybe I

should have said more. I thought of eloquent and witty comebacks. But

truly, in that instance I think any further arguing or confrontation

would not really have served--more often than not I'm finding it just

adds layers and layers of drama and distraction for all parties

involved. I'm really into less is more (when it comes to

verbalizations) these days. Sort of what I was

alluding to in the other post about sitting with the ambiguity.

I remember all those assertion classes/books wherein they script out

things to say when a line has been crossed and so forth, but truth is

you can only get so much mileage (sorry again for the play on words,

lol) from that sort of thing. Life as we learn in ACT requires more

than this if we are to really act authentically and with self-fidelity

(thanks, Steve--my new favorite term) for ourselves, with ourselves.

Each situation is so different, that after a while these prescriptive

suggestions just don't apply.

I think I did say something like 'this is disappointing', and I do

recommend this sort of quietly observing the process (you can say this

to yourself as a defusion practice)--but I said this more for my ears,

to help me really notice what was happening--with no attachment to

their response (which incidentally was full of a good deal of

defensive posturing and reason giving).

And another way I expressed my concern is I posted a review on their

site (this is large dealership) because yes, it was unprofessional and

careless and bad business--yes they had done a " dirty " , as you

say--although I am not sure I'd quite call it that, or rather, I

didn't feel like they were targeting me per say (not to say that's

what you are saying)--I think they likely inflict similar careless

" dirties " with other customers as well.

But the real breakthrough for me here was the Acceptance. To just

really see the disappointment (or the " dirty " ), to stand with it and

not resist it. It was quite amazing. Very freeing to not fight what is

so. Too often, I will skip this step. I will jump to chatter or reason

giving or another distraction. And here's why: My mind doesn't want to

be wrong about trusting someone! I didn't want to be wrong about

taking valuable time out of my day, about believing this would work

out, about trusting and then finding the other person isn't up to the

task. I didn't want to face that there is so much I can't control. So

much disappointment, so much mess in life.

This reminds me of that beautiful Simon song: " Born at the Right

Time " that goes something like:

Never been lonely,

Never been lied to,

Never had to scuffle in fear,

Nothing denied to..

Born at the instant the

Church bells chime,

The whole world whispering

Born at the right time...

But that's what it is, I'm afraid--messy and disappointing a good deal

of the time. How amazingly freeing to get this, to not fight it! (Not

to say life isn't beautiful and harmonious oft-times as well).

I am rambling some, but this seemed important so I thought I'd share a

bit more. Hope that makes sense.

Joanne

> >

> > I'm on a DBT listserv and one of the most frequent questions I see

> are members asking for tips on Radical Acceptance. I struggled with

> DBT until I figured out how to make the skills work for me but this

> doesn't seem to be something that is taught or welcomed. ACT was a

> huge turning point in my therapy and part of the reason I was able to

> change the DBT skills to fit my situation. So, after another member

> asked about individual experiences with acceptance I thought I'd share

> with you part of my response to her. And, because I'm curious, to ask

> what acceptance means to each of you?

> >

> > Thanks, Christi

> >

> >

> > My Email Response:

> >

> > I've done a lot of work around acceptance. For me it's more of

> something that is in my mind now than an actual activity that I do and

> it's taken me a long time to figure it out. I could not have done it

> without the DBT skills first but I believe acceptance was the turning

> point in my therapy. My therapist is an ACT (Acceptance and

> Commitment Therapy) therapist and it's much different from the

> traditional therapy. You can find several books on Amazon by

> and others regarding it. The newest workbook that I really like

> is called Get Out Of Your Mind And Into Your Life. Anyway, here's my

> personal take on acceptance.

> >

> > Most of you know that I suffer from extreme PTSD from severe

> physical and sexual abuse. I have nightmares almost nightly and body

> memories daily. When I was in this abusive relationship I pushed the

> pain away. When I was attempting to get out of the relationship and

> after I got out of the relationship I used self harm and other

> destructive behaviors to control the nightmares, body memories and

> emotions I was feeling. Everything in my life became about controling

> and avoiding everything. It was a vicious cycle.

> >

> > Even while I was going through DBT I was still locked into why the

> skills weren't making my 'symptoms' go away. Why wasn't changing my

> behavior changing what my mind was giving me? Our minds do whatever

> the hell they want. Just because we do something doesn't mean our

> mind isn't going to tell us something else.

> >

> > My first step was to notice the thought or thoughts my mind was

> giving me during a particular situation or body memory or whatever.

> Sometimes I could notice for a few seconds before I started avoiding

> again sometimes longer. I bounced back and forth with time depending

> where I was and what I was doing. I just practiced being mindful of

> my thoughts and tried not to judge my thoughts. If I judged my

> thoughts I thanked my mind for that and moved back to noticing the

> thought again. I was just curious.

> >

> > Once I could notice my thoughts I added noticing my judgements

> around my thoughts. Again, I just practiced when I could for whatever

> time I could. I tried to pay particular attention to the thoughts and

> judgements I found myself running from and would discuss those more

> with my therapist. The more I practiced the less anxious I was. I

> realized my thoughts weren't going to kill me.

> >

> > That was the key for me. My thoughts are just my thoughts. They

> aren't who I am. It's also been helpful for me in my relationships.

> Instead of trying to make the other person change their behavior I've

> learned to accept who they are. While I don't like having body

> memories and nightmares I had to learn to accept that they are part of

> me right now. Maybe even forever. It doesn't mean I like them or

> invite them into my life but they're there. So instead of fighting

> with them I've learned to sit with them until they pass. Because I've

> learned to accept them I'm in a place where I can do exposure therapy

> and hopeful I can rewire my brain to see the physical beatings and

> rapes as something that happened to me instead of something that is

> still happening to me.

> >

> > Acceptance doesn't involve anything other than allowing what is to

> be. Just noticing and acknowledging it. Not trying to change it,

> alter it, interfere with it, avoid it, like it, dislike it, etc. To

> simply just let whatever it is be what it is. What if we could all

> just have the thoughts we have, good or bad, right or wrong, with or

> without judgement and not beat ourselves up for having them? Most

> people I know don't think it's possible and continue using control and

> avoidance to self destruct. I'd rather be the minority because I

> enjoy having a life worth living. Acceptance in my opinion has been

> an extremely freeing experience. Can you imagine anything better than

> that?

> >

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________________

> Sent from Yahoo! Mail - a smarter inbox http://uk.mail.yahoo.com

>

[Guest guest]

Simone,

I have been struggling with some of the same questions about how to

deal with anger and frustration.

It seems pretty clear to me at this point that feelings of anger and

frustration get worse when I try to make them go away or when I feed

them by losing myself in their associated mind chatter.

When I relinquish my efforts to control them and just allow them to

occur as feelings, they tend to take care of themselves and become

more manageable.

But the other question I try to ask is this: are there actions that I

need to take in light of my feelings? The answer often is yes.

Unfortunately, the actions that anger and frustration prescribe in

the heat of the moment are often the wrong actions to take. Hence

the need for mindfulness.

But some sort of action is often necessary and appropriate.

My weak area is conflict and confrontation. I like to avoid conflict

and confrontation because I don't like the feelings of tension that

they create. I would rather be the peacemaker, the nice guy.

But sometimes, we have to take actions even though they will generate

conflict and confrontation. To not take them because they make us

feel uncomfortable is an avoidance, just like any other avoidance.

The consequence of the avoidance is that problems don't get corrected

in the way that they need to be. If I shy away from conflict because

I want to be nice and friendly, certain types of people will walk all

over me.

So one area I'm working on right now is in paying attention to the

underlying problems that cause anger and frustration and following

through on any actions that I recognize, after mindful reflection, to

be necessary to the situation. If these actions produce

uncomfortable feelings in me, so be it.

> >

> > Thanks for that Joanne - interesting. I was wondering what I would

> have done in those circumstances. I mean, once you have allowed and

> accepted' the feelings of disapointment and frustration, what do you

> do with those feelings? If someone has genuinly done a dirty on you

> what do you do? Act on that anger, by communicating your feelings or

> just observe it and allow it to be. I think if you do the latter

there

> may be a chance of supression, and thats not good for the health!

> Didn't you feel like telling them they had wasted your time? You are

> right, life is too short to pretend! Maybe anger expressed is

> healthier? I don't know.

> >

> > Simone

> >

> >

> > Re: Acceptance

> >

> > Acceptance is so cool when you start to wear it some. Thanks for

> > bringing up this lovely component of ACT.

> >

> > I have a good recent example. Just a small thing, but I think it

is

> > illustrative of Acceptance.

> >

> > The other day I was planning to meet someone to test drive a car

(I'm

> > in the market)-- and well, long story short--it didn't happen. I

had

> > done all my homework: called in advance with questions, planned

it,

> > confirmed it and I told her I would be making a long trip to come

see

> > the car--and yet with all that (everything I could control)---she

just

> > wasn't prepared. And the car was not ready. And worse yet, it

appeared

> > to be getting some serious maintenance work

> > (er, not a good sign...) despite being billed as in perfect

condition.

> >

> > Here is the interesting part:

> >

> > At first I noticed that I (automatically, out of habit) was

efforting

> > at being 'nice', and there was a strong part of me that was simply

> > denying the reality, wanting to make it all go away. And so I

smiled

> > and chatted and pretended. (In some circles this is referred to as

> > reaction formation, wherein you respond in direct opposition to

what

> > you might otherwise, such as laughing at something tragic.). The

> > person did not apologize, which added to my frustration, and yet I

> > kept seeming to want to pretend that it was all just fine and

dandy,

> > when in truth I was rather upset for the waste of time and sad

and of

> > course I felt taken for a ride (sorry for the bad play on

words!).

> >

> > But then, slowly, after a few minutes, something amazing happened!

> > There was a shift wherein I began to let it in--all the sadness,

the

> > sense of betrayal. It dawned on me that I was hugely dissapointed

and

> > that I was NOT ALLOWING myself to be so. And that I needed to just

> > allow the upset to breathe some!

> >

> > I can't say for sure how this occurred, because it happened rather

> > quickly--but I do know that within practicing Acceptance,

Defusion,

> > and Values, this opening is much more accessible than it used to

> > be--this sort of full on willingness to see things for what they

are

> > and are not. Especially practicing the mindfulness work--this has

been

> > pivotal for me.

> >

> > But boy, does the mind argue and fight against this sort of thing-

-it

> > so wants to be right, to have it all figured out (which sometimes

says

> > 'I need to feel good about this, conflict and disappointment

cannot be

> > here'), that it will continue to fight for and imagine

conclusions/

> > scenarios that are not there. I don't think I've ever fully

> > appreciated to what lengths we will go to avoid and suppress that

> > which is already there anyway.

> >

> > And so I let the sadness wash over me. I allowed the utter

> > dissapointment. I tried not to add more to it than was

necessary,and

> > it wasn't perfect by any means--I hemmed and hawed and then I just

> > made a decision to leave. I excused myself and said goodbye with

no

> > further ado, no further explanation. I did hold onto the anger

for a

> > few hours, but it wasn't nearly the big deal it may have been in

the

> > past.

> >

> > For the most part, I felt free, I felt I had honored what was

> > happening and that was a really good feeling.

> >

> > Acceptance is just having that room to radically notice, to be

real

> > about what is really happening. Life is too short to pretend.

> >

> > Joanne

> >

>

>

>

> I feel kindof proud of and in awe of you all at the same time

Joanne,

> for how you behaved, and dealt with this situation.

>

> I think that you did so well for accepting your feelings and

allowing

> them to be. To answer Simone, my guess is there is a difference

> between acceptance, suppressing and expressing feelings. It may not

be

> appropriate to express your feeling (say if your boss tells you

off!),

> or as joanne did in this situation you can choose not to express

them

> externally, while internally acknowledging and accepting. WHich is

not

> the same as suppressing - which as Joanne hints at is what she was

> doing to begin with - though presumably being aware that there was

> something not quite congruent about how she felt and the way she was

> acting.

>

> but then I'm not a professional!

>

> j

>

[Guest guest]

I would like to thank you all for your comments. I find getting as

many peoples thoughts on things really helps. You listen to everyone

and accasionaly something gels. Thats the best thing about groups

like this. Thanks, Joe.

>

>

> Acceptance does not mean resignation to the situation. Acceptance

> means acknowledging the reality of the situation moment by moment

> which is the opposite of psychologically resisting it. What

> you resist persists. What you wallow in makes it stronger. There is

> a fine line - not resisting, being aware of it, not adding

> energy to it, just being present with it. If you can do that, it

will

> go away because nothing in life (provided there is no resistance) is

> constant.

>

> Greg , CCHt.

> http://www.SanDiego HypnosisClinic. com

>  

> *************************************************************

> I plan to copy this onto a 3 x 5 card to carry around with me. My

yoga therapist friend always says that the strongest force in the

world in non-resistance.

>  

> Thank you.

>  

> Laurel

>