RE: Anatomy of a worry.

Web Blog on Mindfulness and Acceptance for Anxiety

Undergraduates interested in a research position in my lab can

apply at: www.albany.edu/~forsyth/undergradra.html

From:

ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On

Behalf Of BILL CAMERON

Sent: Friday, May 16, 2008 10:40 AM

To: act_for_the_public

Subject: RE: Anatomy of a worry.

Hi - I now realize that I was more buying

into the thoughts than I was leaning into them. Accepting/making

room for does not mean buying into. The bubble wand exercise

seems tricky in this regard, almost as if to see how far one can lean into without

falling into the hole. Exposing oneself to the layers of bothersome thought

seems like an adventure into buying the thought. I do see that it is clearly

not avoidance!!!

I'm finding that ACT depends on the careful understanding of common words

with a very precise ACT meaning. Maybe a glossary would be helpful, with a

" what it does not mean " component. I know these distinctions are

included in the text of your book and others but it's hard to find them when

one is clinging to the cliff with one hand while holding the book in the

other!!!! I wish it was an intuitive as riding a bicycle. I'm sure it will be

so, someday, for me.

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public

From: Forsyth@...

Date: Tue, 13 May 2008 12:52:45 -0400

Subject: RE: Anatomy of a worry.

Hi Bill

– Here’s my sense of leaning into.

It means to

touch what is there instead of the habit of pulling away, hardening,

struggling, or shutting down. This leaning in cuts against the grain of

the old habits of avoidance. You approach with curiosity and some space

to allow your experience to be exactly as it is. This is something you

can chose to do, and this choice can have an odd effect. When you

don’t resist your discomfort, it may not stick around as long. More

importantly, leaning into it as it is means that you are no longer fighting it,

struggling with it. This defuses the power of anxiety to pull you out of

your life.

I don’t

think of leaning into as exploring everything there is to experience about

anxiety. To me, this sounds like drowning in it. The goal is not to

be a masochist, but to be lighter and gentler with your discomfort when it

shows up and then allowing it to recede as some other aspect of your experience

emerges on the stage. If there is one thing to notice here it is probably

the urge to lean out, harden, shut down, pull away, or cut and run. These

natural impulses are the fuel for anxious suffering and if you can learn to

notice them and let them be, you are well on your way to doing something

radical and new. This may give you other options.

One last

thing … I am a person just like you. I get stuck now and then

too. I don’t think of myself as a Guru, and hope you don’t

think of me as one J.

I’m just a human being trying to do the best that I can. A fellow

traveler of this journey we call a life.

You are on

that path too. We all can learn something from one another.

I’ll do my best to help where I can. We are all in this together,

each faced with the challenges of being a human being, each faced with the

challenges of living well. Don’t forget that when you (like me)

face pain and discomfort as you step in directions that you want to go.

Peace

-j

P.

Forsyth, Ph.D.

Associate

Professor of Psychology

Director of

Clinical Training

Director,

Anxiety Disorders Research Program

University at

Albany, SUNY

Department of

Psychology

Social

Science 369

1400

Washington Avenue

Albany, NY

12222

Ph:

Fax:

email: forsyth@...

Web

Web Blog on

Mindfulness and Acceptance for Anxiety

Undergraduates

interested in a research position in my lab can apply at: www.albany.edu/~forsyth/undergradra.html

From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ]

On Behalf Of BILL CAMERON

Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:21 AM

To: act_for_the_public

Subject: RE: Anatomy of a worry.

Dear - The term " lean

into " has turned out to be a trap for me as I seem to overdo it. I have

fed myself to the tiger on several occasions, thinking that I was leaning into

whatever. My leaning into tends toward going down every rabbit hole to

thoroughly explore every possible catastrophic outcome, an amygdala's dream.

These adventures have lasted for several days to up to a week. My therapist and

I have figured this out and I now recognize what I've been doing. But I need

some clarification on what " leaning into " means. I've dug through all

of the books for the answer. This seems to be one of the riddles of ACT.

One of the things I've found especially helpful from this listserv are the

effective " conversations " folks have with their mind, such as this

post from Parks http://by113w.bay113.mail.live.com/mail/mail.aspx? & ip=10.1.106.211 & d=d939 & mf=a0

Any enlightenment on " leaning into " would be appreciated.

Thanks for taking the time to make your personal posts. Very supporting to know

a " guru " is watching over us.

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public

From: Forsyth@...

Date: Tue, 13 May 2008 08:51:53 -0400

Subject: RE: Anatomy of a worry.

Remember

the line from the movie Forest Gump …

Mamma told

me that “life is like a box of chocolates…you never know what

you’re going to get.” That line resonates with me.

Our minds

like certainty and will be at work 24/7 making sense of our experience.

This can give us the illusion of certainty, as when it paints a dark picture of

a future that has yet to be – one thought brush stroke after

another. That picture may seem as real as the shoes on your feet, but it

is not – it is a bunch of words and images.

What is

certain is that everything changes and that the future is unknown. No

amount of thinking will change that future. You probably know that

already. Our minds love to pull us into futures that have yet to be or

pasts that once were.

Just the

other day I learned that my mother of 66 years (and otherwise in good health)

developed sudden weakness in the legs, is unable to walk, and has lost

sensation in her groin and legs too, amounting to loss of bowel and bladder

control. She’s been through the mill of tests and nobody seems to

know what is going on. She didn’t ask for this, but it

happened. Now she is doing what she can to take care of herself.

She’s now in a rehab facility and hasn’t been home in almost

a month. Just the other day, she said told my father that “life is

short.”

It might be

helpful to see if you can lean into the natural uncertainty of life and perhaps

allow yourself a bit of time to just sit with that during some mindfulness

practice. Notice that the thoughts you have here are all projections into

a future that has yet to be. Just thoughts creating the illusion of a

certain future, like a time machine that pulls you out of the certain present

– just where you are.

My mother

appears focused and positive, but I also know that deep down she is

scared. I don’t see or experience her fear, but if I could get

inside her head and heart, I’m almost certain that I’d find fear,

uncertainty, worry, and many other experiences there too. There is no

shame in that. She has years of life ahead, judging by most standards,

and in this moment of despair I am my family are given an opportunity to care

for her and do what we can to be there for her.

The thought

and feelings you have are not the enemy – you are not broken for feeling

and thinking what you feel and think.

See too how

your mind throws judgment into the mix – shame and selfish are just two

of them you mention. Just thoughts…more blah, blah, blah…

So, perhaps

the thing to do it to just take it slow. Pick an exercise or two that

seems to resonate with you and let your experience with it be your guide.

Then, you can move on to something else.

Making time

for practice is important I think – the skills you water and allow to

grow with practice develop over time. It’s like riding a

bicycle. That time is time for you – taking care of you. You

allow yourself some room to do something for you,. As you do something

new, you risk getting something new. The outcome, even here, is

uncertain.

You might

try the giving and receiving exercise on the CD in The Mindfulness &

Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety. You can make it your own by doing the

exercise with uncertainty in mind, for those that suffer about and through the

uncertainty.

Thanks

again for sharing Simone. You are not alone. We are all in the same

soup.

Peace -john

P.

Forsyth, Ph.D.

Associate

Professor of Psychology

Director of

Clinical Training

Director,

Anxiety Disorders Research Program

University

at Albany, SUNY

Department

of Psychology

Social

Science 369

1400

Washington Avenue

Albany, NY

12222

Ph:

Fax:

email: forsyth@...

Web

Web Blog on

Mindfulness and Acceptance for Anxiety

Undergraduates

interested in a research position in my lab can apply at: www.albany.edu/~forsyth/undergradra.html

From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ]

On Behalf Of adrianandboo

Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 7:24 AM

To: ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: Anatomy of a worry.

Hi Gang,

Just wanted to relate my experiences over the last few months and

maybe get some feedback.

To cut a long story short I went to the Doctors with 'women's

troubles' - and I have had to undergo a series of tests. At each

stage of these investigations I was thinking the worst, or trying to

rationalise, but feeling so vulnerable and weak. One day watched my

thoughts bury me, re-marry my husband, leave my children motherless,

never see them grow up.... and on and on and on. It felt so real this

fear. My mind was like a herd of wild horses that would not be tamed.

Now, I have been doing ACT for some time so I was aware of what I was

doing but these thoughts seemed to have a life of their own - a force

that I could not control ( aha! control) I managed to defuse only to

pick them up again and again. I felt a wreck. Its uncertainty that I

cannot stand - I'm still struggling with control - wanted everything

ordered, calm, manageable. I work with three books, GOOYMAIYL, The

happiness Trap and more recently the ACT workbook for anxiety. All

great books. But I think I may have ACT overload - I have read all

the books but never seem to find the time to get down to the

exercises in detail - and am never sure which ones I should be doing.

I love the CD in the workbook - that helped me a great deal. I think

what I need is an exercise for dealing with uncertainty! Any

suggestions?

I feel such a twit getting myself into a state over the content of my

mind - after all the work that I have been doing. My sisters husband

finds out today if his cancer has returned - he is so positive,

focused and determined to live a full life. I feel ashamed of my

small, fearful and selfish self. Why are some of us like this? I'm so

frustrated with myself!

Sorry - needed to get that off my chest!

Simone ( Gold Medalist Olympic worrier)

May 16, 2008

-

I think my background might be helpful to others in this regard. I am retired after spending 32 years with a major telecommunications company, most recently as a corporate troubleshooter - systems, processes and even group cultures. I have a BS and an MS in engineering. Many of my breakthroughs came from intense concentration on the problem at hand, the solution often coming in the middle of the night. The solutions were often found at the end of a "rabbit hole." I had a reputation for being able to develop a solution for any problem. I learned how to trigger a group's "fight or flee" response to mobilize them to implement the solution.

My personality style (Meiers Briggs) is "contingency planner."

My professional skills simply do not apply to problems inside my head.

Acceptance of a problem is way down my list of tools to apply.

In retirement I have few problems that are solvable, but my mind ...............

And I wonder why I am struggling with ACT???????????? But I can see progress.

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: Forsyth@...Date: Fri, 16 May 2008 11:03:13 -0400Subject: RE: Anatomy of a worry.

Hi Bill – Thanks for sharing. I think it can be helpful to see thoughts as just words – they pass in and out of our mind. In fact, we are always thinking. The rub is that we tend to give more importance to some thinking, some thoughts, and basically narrow our vision and ignore everything else that is going on. Just thoughts. Just our mind doing what it does. It is simple really, but hard we try to play the game using the same material that is part of the problem – meaning meeting thoughts with more thoughts. Thinking ourselves out of our pain.

ACT is about breaking this down and revealing it for what it is. There are glossaries of ACT terms, but I’m not sure they would be helpful. It’s all more words. The more helpful piece is to get into the experiences you are having right where you are. Our heads are always pulling us out of the present (exactly where we are anyway and exactly where we can act do create the life we wish to live) into a past that once was or a future that has yet to be. Not sure if this is true of your experience, but if you watch, you might just see it.

I’ve found it helpful to just sit back, particularly when I feel that my head is elsewhere, and ask: what do I want to be about, right now? What do I want to do, right now? And, am I willing to take my mind and body along with me, right now? That’s it. It is a skill. The important skill may not be that you get it intellectually, but that you get it experientially. Just a few thoughts – hold them all lightly.

Peace -j

P. Forsyth, Ph.D.

Associate Professor of Psychology

Director of Clinical Training

Director, Anxiety Disorders Research Program

University at Albany, SUNY

Department of Psychology

Social Science 369

1400 Washington Avenue

Albany, NY 12222

Ph:

Fax:

email: forsythalbany (DOT) edu

Web

Web Blog on Mindfulness and Acceptance for Anxiety

Undergraduates interested in a research position in my lab can apply at: www.albany.edu/~forsyth/undergradra.html

From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of BILL CAMERONSent: Friday, May 16, 2008 10:40 AMTo: act_for_the_public Subject: RE: Anatomy of a worry.

Hi - I now realize that I was more buying into the thoughts than I was leaning into them. Accepting/making room for does not mean buying into. The bubble wand exercise seems tricky in this regard, almost as if to see how far one can lean into without falling into the hole. Exposing oneself to the layers of bothersome thought seems like an adventure into buying the thought. I do see that it is clearly not avoidance!!! I'm finding that ACT depends on the careful understanding of common words with a very precise ACT meaning. Maybe a glossary would be helpful, with a "what it does not mean" component. I know these distinctions are included in the text of your book and others but it's hard to find them when one is clinging to the cliff with one hand while holding the book in the other!!!! I wish it was an intuitive as riding a bicycle. I'm sure it will be so, someday, for me. Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: Forsythcas (DOT) albany.eduDate: Tue, 13 May 2008 12:52:45 -0400Subject: RE: Anatomy of a worry.

Hi Bill – Here’s my sense of leaning into.

It means to touch what is there instead of the habit of pulling away, hardening, struggling, or shutting down. This leaning in cuts against the grain of the old habits of avoidance. You approach with curiosity and some space to allow your experience to be exactly as it is. This is something you can chose to do, and this choice can have an odd effect. When you don’t resist your discomfort, it may not stick around as long. More importantly, leaning into it as it is means that you are no longer fighting it, struggling with it. This defuses the power of anxiety to pull you out of your life.

I don’t think of leaning into as exploring everything there is to experience about anxiety. To me, this sounds like drowning in it. The goal is not to be a masochist, but to be lighter and gentler with your discomfort when it shows up and then allowing it to recede as some other aspect of your experience emerges on the stage. If there is one thing to notice here it is probably the urge to lean out, harden, shut down, pull away, or cut and run. These natural impulses are the fuel for anxious suffering and if you can learn to notice them and let them be, you are well on your way to doing something radical and new. This may give you other options.

One last thing … I am a person just like you. I get stuck now and then too. I don’t think of myself as a Guru, and hope you don’t think of me as one J. I’m just a human being trying to do the best that I can. A fellow traveler of this journey we call a life.

You are on that path too. We all can learn something from one another. I’ll do my best to help where I can. We are all in this together, each faced with the challenges of being a human being, each faced with the challenges of living well. Don’t forget that when you (like me) face pain and discomfort as you step in directions that you want to go.

Peace -j

P. Forsyth, Ph.D.

Associate Professor of Psychology

Director of Clinical Training

Director, Anxiety Disorders Research Program

University at Albany, SUNY

Department of Psychology

Social Science 369

1400 Washington Avenue

Albany, NY 12222

Ph:

Fax:

email: forsythalbany (DOT) edu

Web

Web Blog on Mindfulness and Acceptance for Anxiety

Undergraduates interested in a research position in my lab can apply at: www.albany.edu/~forsyth/undergradra.html

From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of BILL CAMERONSent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:21 AMTo: act_for_the_public Subject: RE: Anatomy of a worry.

Dear - The term "lean into" has turned out to be a trap for me as I seem to overdo it. I have fed myself to the tiger on several occasions, thinking that I was leaning into whatever. My leaning into tends toward going down every rabbit hole to thoroughly explore every possible catastrophic outcome, an amygdala's dream. These adventures have lasted for several days to up to a week. My therapist and I have figured this out and I now recognize what I've been doing. But I need some clarification on what "leaning into" means. I've dug through all of the books for the answer. This seems to be one of the riddles of ACT. One of the things I've found especially helpful from this listserv are the effective "conversations" folks have with their mind, such as this post from Parks http://by113w.bay113.mail.live.com/mail/mail.aspx? & ip=10.1.106.211 & d=d939 & mf=a0 Any enlightenment on "leaning into" would be appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to make your personal posts. Very supporting to know a "guru" is watching over us. Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: Forsythcas (DOT) albany.eduDate: Tue, 13 May 2008 08:51:53 -0400Subject: RE: Anatomy of a worry.

Remember the line from the movie Forest Gump …

Mamma told me that “life is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re going to get.” That line resonates with me.

Our minds like certainty and will be at work 24/7 making sense of our experience. This can give us the illusion of certainty, as when it paints a dark picture of a future that has yet to be – one thought brush stroke after another. That picture may seem as real as the shoes on your feet, but it is not – it is a bunch of words and images.

What is certain is that everything changes and that the future is unknown. No amount of thinking will change that future. You probably know that already. Our minds love to pull us into futures that have yet to be or pasts that once were.

Just the other day I learned that my mother of 66 years (and otherwise in good health) developed sudden weakness in the legs, is unable to walk, and has lost sensation in her groin and legs too, amounting to loss of bowel and bladder control. She’s been through the mill of tests and nobody seems to know what is going on. She didn’t ask for this, but it happened. Now she is doing what she can to take care of herself. She’s now in a rehab facility and hasn’t been home in almost a month. Just the other day, she said told my father that “life is short.”

It might be helpful to see if you can lean into the natural uncertainty of life and perhaps allow yourself a bit of time to just sit with that during some mindfulness practice. Notice that the thoughts you have here are all projections into a future that has yet to be. Just thoughts creating the illusion of a certain future, like a time machine that pulls you out of the certain present – just where you are.

My mother appears focused and positive, but I also know that deep down she is scared. I don’t see or experience her fear, but if I could get inside her head and heart, I’m almost certain that I’d find fear, uncertainty, worry, and many other experiences there too. There is no shame in that. She has years of life ahead, judging by most standards, and in this moment of despair I am my family are given an opportunity to care for her and do what we can to be there for her.

The thought and feelings you have are not the enemy – you are not broken for feeling and thinking what you feel and think.

See too how your mind throws judgment into the mix – shame and selfish are just two of them you mention. Just thoughts…more blah, blah, blah…

So, perhaps the thing to do it to just take it slow. Pick an exercise or two that seems to resonate with you and let your experience with it be your guide. Then, you can move on to something else.

Making time for practice is important I think – the skills you water and allow to grow with practice develop over time. It’s like riding a bicycle. That time is time for you – taking care of you. You allow yourself some room to do something for you,. As you do something new, you risk getting something new. The outcome, even here, is uncertain.

You might try the giving and receiving exercise on the CD in The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety. You can make it your own by doing the exercise with uncertainty in mind, for those that suffer about and through the uncertainty.

Thanks again for sharing Simone. You are not alone. We are all in the same soup.

Peace -john

P. Forsyth, Ph.D.

Associate Professor of Psychology

Director of Clinical Training

Director, Anxiety Disorders Research Program

University at Albany, SUNY

Department of Psychology

Social Science 369

1400 Washington Avenue

Albany, NY 12222

Ph:

Fax:

email: forsythalbany (DOT) edu

Web

Web Blog on Mindfulness and Acceptance for Anxiety