what to do once your at the lake...

[Guest guest]

>>It's like ACT brings you to the edge of the lake but you still have to learn to swim by trial and error.what a useful metaphor ...an hour ago I was keeping my niece & nephew (8 & 4) entertained while their parents were having an intimate

moment with their grandfather who is very ill with cancer and will even become sicker in near future ..so as three of us were in the backyard talking about silly things of life (like how this man is having a baby),

thoughts flooded my mind that their grandpa (perhaps) won't be here next year to help them plant the pumpkin seeds and the tomatoes and tell them funny stories and sadness enveloped me ... it felt familiar, like my sadness when my grandmother passed away thousands

of miles away and I wasn't there to hold her hands & comfort herit felt as if I had come to the lake but realized I was afraid of swimming !!!now what?now I'm sitting in my little office room surrounded by books, magazines, journals of all kind that make me feel

strong & prepared ... AND I feel vulnerable ... and the " angst " comes for a visitI remember this angst ... it was there 2 days ago when I visited a young friend at hospital that was givena poor diagnosis of his health

it's the same one that pops up every time I'm reminded that for the past 4 years my family and I haven't gone outside of my 2 hour radius of comfort zone for a vacation ... AND it hurts to come up with yet one other excuse when my son

asks me " dad, when are we going to visit grandpa/grandma in LA? " I'm at the lake and am having the thoughts:is the lake even safe?!should I jump in or should I read another book on " how to feel safe once you're at the lake! "

what if I don't want to swim! can I just sit by it and enjoy the view? is that a cop out?who would rescue me when I yell for help?oy vey!-Albrik

[Guest guest]

Hi Albrik,

When my dad died I was in real shock, and I couldn't believe it when

I was in a black car going at 5 MPH behing a hearst. I had seen it

happening to other people but I couldn't believe it was happening to

me. I could imagine Mount Everest wearing away, but not my dad going,

he was a permanent part of my life and was always there. Now I see

my mum looking old and it doesn't seem right, she was always a

beautiful young woman. I just hope there is a God, that's all. I

don't want to lose anyone.

Kavy.

>

> >>It's like ACT brings you to the edge of the lake but you still

have to

> learn to swim by trial and error.

> what a useful metaphor ...

>

> an hour ago I was keeping my niece & nephew (8 & 4) entertained

while their

> parents were having an intimate

> moment with their grandfather who is very ill with cancer and will

even

> become sicker in near future ..

>

> so as three of us were in the backyard talking about silly things

of life

> (like how this man is having a baby),

> thoughts flooded my mind that their grandpa (perhaps) won't be here

next

> year to help them plant the pumpkin

> seeds and the tomatoes and tell them funny stories

>

> and sadness enveloped me ... it felt familiar, like my sadness when

my

> grandmother passed away thousands

> of miles away and I wasn't there to hold her hands & comfort her

>

> it felt as if I had come to the lake but realized I was afraid of

swimming

> !!!

> now what?

>

> now I'm sitting in my little office room surrounded by books,

magazines,

> journals of all kind that make me feel

> strong & prepared ... AND I feel vulnerable ... and the " angst "

comes for a

> visit

>

> I remember this angst ... it was there 2 days ago when I visited a

young

> friend at hospital that was given

> a poor diagnosis of his health

>

> it's the same one that pops up every time I'm reminded that for the

past 4

> years my family and I haven't gone outside

> of my 2 hour radius of comfort zone for a vacation ... AND it hurts

to come

> up with yet one other excuse when my son

> asks me " dad, when are we going to visit grandpa/grandma in LA? "

>

> I'm at the lake and am having the thoughts:

>

> is the lake even safe?!

> should I jump in or should I read another book on " how to feel safe

once

> you're at the lake! "

> what if I don't want to swim! can I just sit by it and enjoy the

view? is

> that a cop out?

> who would rescue me when I yell for help?

>

> oy vey!

>

> -Albrik

>

[Guest guest]

is the lake even safe?!you will never know unless you jump!should I jump in or should I read another book on "how to feel safe once you're at the lake!"how has reading "how to ..." books worked for you so far? If it worked, go for it, if it didn't, it might be time to try something else.

what if I don't want to swim! can I just sit by it and enjoy the view? if you don't want to swim, don't swim. if you decide not to swim, what is the cost of it? if you do, what would be the purpose of it? which one - swimming or not swimming would bring you closer to having a more meaningful life? which one you would be glad to have done when you are 80 years old?is that a cop out?cop out - just another judgment, thought. Your mind has probably done a lot of beating up, do you need more of it?who would rescue me when I yell for help?your kind and loving self, I guess and who says you'll need rescuing, your mind? I am right where you are too. Afraid of jumping in and swimming. This email is to both of us. It takes courage to jump in. Exercises from books can help

with increasing the motivation to take that step. Your pain is so normal and part of life. Would you rather feel the clean pain or would you do anything not to feel it and wait until it turns into dirty pain. It's there, whether you want it or not, its presence is not your choice. What you do with it is. May we be courageous!K

Find a better answer, faster with the new Yahoo!7 Search - Start Here.

[Guest guest]

For me with all I have been through the last 6 years, it feels like

I am jumping of a cliff and for me it feels like there is no way to

know if I have a backpack on or not. This is why it is so hard for

me to jump it feels very very unsafe. I try and try and everytime I

feel I may be jumping to my death. Does that make sense at all to

anyone? Thanks.

>

> is the lake even safe?!

> you will never know unless you jump!

>

> should I jump in or should I read another book on " how to feel safe

once you're at the lake! "

> how has reading " how to ... " books worked for you so far? If it

worked, go for it, if it didn't, it might be time to try something

else.

>

> what if I don't want to swim! can I just sit by it and enjoy the

view?

> if you don't want to swim, don't swim. if you decide not to swim,

what is the cost of it? if you do, what would be the purpose of it?

which one - swimming or not swimming would bring you closer to having

a more meaningful life? which one you would be glad to have done when

you are 80 years old?

>

> is that a cop out?

> cop out - just another judgment, thought. Your mind has probably

done a lot of beating up, do you need more of it?

>

> who would rescue me when I yell for help?

> your kind and loving self, I guess and who says you'll need

rescuing, your mind?

>

> I am right where you are too. Afraid of jumping in and swimming.

This email is to both of us. It takes courage to jump in. Exercises

from books can help with increasing the motivation to take that step.

>

> Your pain is so normal and part of life. Would you rather feel the

clean pain or would you do anything not to feel it and wait until it

turns into dirty pain. It's there, whether you want it or not, its

presence is not your choice. What you do with it is.

>

> May we be courageous!

> K

>

>

> Find a better answer, faster with the new Yahoo!7 Search.

www.yahoo7.com.au/search

>

[Guest guest]

I feel like I am jumping to my death several times a day, and often in the presence of my three year old daughter, and it is incredibly, bottomless-pit scary every single time.

I've been saying to myself " I allow and accept these feelings and sensations, they will come with me as I do.... (x,y,z). They will be here as long as they want, I do not expect them to leave, nor do I expect that doing x,y, or z will make them leave. They are simply coming with me, and will stay as long as they stay, I have no control over that. So they come with me and I will put my attention elsewhere. "

I still catch myself trying to make them go away - it never works.

I know how you feel - this is the scariest thing ever, it really is.

Best of luck,

For me with all I have been through the last 6 years, it feels like I am jumping of a cliff and for me it feels like there is no way to know if I have a backpack on or not. This is why it is so hard for me to jump it feels very very unsafe. I try and try and everytime I

feel I may be jumping to my death. Does that make sense at all to anyone? Thanks.

>> is the lake even safe?!> you will never know unless you jump!> > should I jump in or should I read another book on " how to feel safe once you're at the lake! "

> how has reading " how to ... " books worked for you so far? If it worked, go for it, if it didn't, it might be time to try something else. > > what if I don't want to swim! can I just sit by it and enjoy the

view? > if you don't want to swim, don't swim. if you decide not to swim, what is the cost of it? if you do, what would be the purpose of it? which one - swimming or not swimming would bring you closer to having

a more meaningful life? which one you would be glad to have done when you are 80 years old?> > is that a cop out?> cop out - just another judgment, thought. Your mind has probably done a lot of beating up, do you need more of it?

> > who would rescue me when I yell for help?> your kind and loving self, I guess and who says you'll need rescuing, your mind? > > I am right where you are too. Afraid of jumping in and swimming.

This email is to both of us. It takes courage to jump in. Exercises from books can help with increasing the motivation to take that step. > > Your pain is so normal and part of life. Would you rather feel the

clean pain or would you do anything not to feel it and wait until it turns into dirty pain. It's there, whether you want it or not, its presence is not your choice. What you do with it is. > > May we be courageous!

> K> > > Find a better answer, faster with the new Yahoo!7 Search. www.yahoo7.com.au/search>

[Guest guest]

,

Thank you so much for that. You have no idea how much that helped me.

Robyn

-------------- Original message --------------

I feel like I am jumping to my death several times a day, and often in the presence of my three year old daughter, and it is incredibly, bottomless-pit scary every single time.

I've been saying to myself "I allow and accept these feelings and sensations, they will come with me as I do.... (x,y,z). They will be here as long as they want, I do not expect them to leave, nor do I expect that doing x,y, or z will make them leave. They are simply coming with me, and will stay as long as they stay, I have no control over that. So they come with me and I will put my attention elsewhere."

I still catch myself trying to make them go away - it never works.

I know how you feel - this is the scariest thing ever, it really is.

Best of luck,

On Sun, Jul 27, 2008 at 7:17 PM, Robyn <robynabccomcast (DOT) net> wrote:

For me with all I have been through the last 6 years, it feels like I am jumping of a cliff and for me it feels like there is no way to know if I have a backpack on or not. This is why it is so hard for me to jump it feels very very unsafe. I try and try and everytime I feel I may be jumping to my death. Does that make sense at all to anyone? Thanks.

>> is the lake even safe?!> you will never know unless you jump!> > should I jump in or should I read another book on "how to feel safe once you're at the lake!"> how has reading "how to ..." books worked for you so far? If it worked, go for it, if it didn't, it might be time to try something else. > > what if I don't want to swim! can I just sit by it and enjoy the view? > if you don't want to swim, don't swim. if you decide not to swim, what is the cost of it? if you do, what would be the purpose of it? which one - swimming or not swimming would bring you closer to having a more meaningful life? which one you would be glad to have done when you are 80 years old?> > is that a cop out?> cop out - just another judgment, thought. Your mind has probably done a lot of beating up, do you need more of it?> > who would rescue me when I yel

l for help?> your kind and loving self, I guess and who says you'll need rescuing, your mind? > > I am right where you are too. Afraid of jumping in and swimming. This email is to both of us. It takes courage to jump in. Exercises from books can help with increasing the motivation to take that step. > > Your pain is so normal and part of life. Would you rather feel the clean pain or would you do anything not to feel it and wait until it turns into dirty pain. It's there, whether you want it or not, its presence is not your choice. What you do with it is. > > May we be courageous!> K> > > Find a better answer, faster with the new Yahoo!7 Search. www.yahoo7.com.au/search>

[Guest guest]

Dear - I am not a therapist but am working with an excellent one. I recently had some success with acceptance of my anxiety by making a list of things that I have truly accepted and then adding my anxiety to that list. I'm 65 years old and had a very successful career thinking myself through external problems. Of course, I thought I could apply my intellectual power to my thinking self and did so for many years. It was only when that technique failed me that I had to find a solution and stumbled into ACT. Acceptance of my anxiety has been the most difficult part for me but when I gave up and added it to the list of things that I have truly accepted it began to work on my anxiety. Here's a partial list of things that I have truly accepted - my 65 year old body; my irritable bowel syndrome; my inclination to wear my heart on my sleeve and have it flicked off by less sensitive people; the relational differences between my wife and myself; my bad feet (rather than have surgery); my intellect (that bores those around me); ..... I've also found that the phrase "WHATEVER!" seems to have an acceptance aspect to it - as used by my teenage grandchildren when they are confronted by a rule that they find distasteful but must endure. If my observing self sees anxiety showing up I just say "WHATEVER." I've found it works better if I say it kindly rather than with a sneer!

Thanks for sharing with us fellow travelers. I hope the mere act of doing so helps some.

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: chuckkitty@...Date: Mon, 28 Jul 2008 12:25:10 -0700Subject: Re: Re: what to do once your at the lake...

I feel like I am jumping to my death several times a day, and often in the presence of my three year old daughter, and it is incredibly, bottomless-pit scary every single time.

I've been saying to myself "I allow and accept these feelings and sensations, they will come with me as I do.... (x,y,z). They will be here as long as they want, I do not expect them to leave, nor do I expect that doing x,y, or z will make them leave. They are simply coming with me, and will stay as long as they stay, I have no control over that. So they come with me and I will put my attention elsewhere."

I still catch myself trying to make them go away - it never works.

I know how you feel - this is the scariest thing ever, it really is.

Best of luck,

On Sun, Jul 27, 2008 at 7:17 PM, Robyn <robynabccomcast (DOT) net> wrote:

For me with all I have been through the last 6 years, it feels like I am jumping of a cliff and for me it feels like there is no way to know if I have a backpack on or not. This is why it is so hard for me to jump it feels very very unsafe. I try and try and everytime I feel I may be jumping to my death. Does that make sense at all to anyone? Thanks.

>> is the lake even safe?!> you will never know unless you jump!> > should I jump in or should I read another book on "how to feel safe once you're at the lake!"> how has reading "how to ..." books worked for you so far? If it worked, go for it, if it didn't, it might be time to try something else. > > what if I don't want to swim! can I just sit by it and enjoy the view? > if you don't want to swim, don't swim. if you decide not to swim, what is the cost of it? if you do, what would be the purpose of it? which one - swimming or not swimming would bring you closer to having a more meaningful life? which one you would be glad to have done when you are 80 years old?> > is that a cop out?> cop out - just another judgment, thought. Your mind has probably done a lot of beating up, do you need more of it?> > who would rescue me when I yell for help?> your kind and loving self, I guess and who says you'll need rescuing, your mind? > > I am right where you are too. Afraid of jumping in and swimming. This email is to both of us. It takes courage to jump in. Exercises from books can help with increasing the motivation to take that step. > > Your pain is so normal and part of life. Would you rather feel the clean pain or would you do anything not to feel it and wait until it turns into dirty pain. It's there, whether you want it or not, its presence is not your choice. What you do with it is. > > May we be courageous!> K> > > Find a better answer, faster with the new Yahoo!7 Search. www.yahoo7.com.au/search>