Thoughts

[Guest guest]

Here I am thinking about thinking again. I have read that some

consider thought as just another sense like touch or sight. I `m not

sure I can wrap my head around the total idea of that, but I know my

thoughts do seem to trigger emotional reactions, likes and dislikes.

So what I see or taste or touch cannot be changed and if I'm eating

an orange I'll taste orange. I don't try to change it nor could I,

although, maybe next time I might like to eat a strawberry instead of

the orange. I have to say that sometimes my thinking is so crazy I

wonder where in the world it comes from and I really want to change

it. I want to get out of the apple orchard and into the strawberry

field. I want to be moving toward thoughts and feelings that can help

live a more meaningful life instead of not living life at all or

living in a veritable hell. I have had a problem with wanting to be

in control with what is happening in my life, how I am feeling and

what I am thinking. Lately though I have been more willing to accept

the good and the bad thoughts, the smell of a tangerine the taste of

a lemon. It used to be my feelings and thoughts were inseparable. Now

I think that my feelings are just a reaction to the thoughts. They

are easier for me to experience, there's even a beauty to it in a raw

kind of way. I'm just not sure what to do with my thoughts. Should I

try to direct them or just let them be. Is it necessary to just let

go of them if I don't like them or they are not working ? Couldn't I

overcome my cognitive distortions, change the way I think about

myself and do affirmations just to remind myself I do have a choice

in the what I think. There's my thinking, emotions and physical

sensations and it is like I'm eating a watermelon and it's really

sweet but I still have to spit out the seeds. I am left with the

thoughts and what to do with them, all the while experiencing this

life around and in me moment to moment. I don't know if I am looking

for what works or if it is just another attempt to be " in control " .

What I think being in control really means though, is attending to

this moment, this reality right here and now. I will always have more

words and more thoughts to explain myself and rationalize my

feelings. But how much fruit can you have in one basket?