Things coming up...just wanted to record this

[Guest guest]

Hi All

My problems started just after leaving school, nearly 30 years ago

when I experienced a panic attack and started fighting the feelings

and thoughts (experiential avoidance in ACT language). In retrospect

I was just a kid struggling with scary emotions and thoughts that I

guess I wasn't ready for. But I felt I needed to act like a man, big

boys don't cry etc etc. I couldn't see any reason to be scared - I

was loved, good family, had a good upbringing, didn't have any traumas

like abuse etc etc, yet still I had this anxiety, OCD and depression.

Who knows, perhaps it was enough to be changing from school to work,

being in my first relationship etc etc. But then (and even now) these

don't seem like enough to trigger something like this and I find it

very difficult to be compassionate towards myself to find any space to

love me for what I am - all of me, not just the me in the good times.

I can see that this set up the battleground - all the " I shouldn't

feel this way " " pull yourself together " " get rid of the thoughts and

feelings " " don't be stupid (which really means - I am stupid) " " try

harder (force harder, fight harder) " etc etc

I have had periods of freedom but the anxiety and depression has

always returned.

I have started working with ACT and have been pleased to read about

" unwanted thoughts, painful memories, difficult emotions and feelings

etc etc " . I've always struggled with thinking back to that time in

particular - a kind of psychological / emotional no-go area. However,

it's always there when i feel this way but in the past I've tried to

push it away - pretend that time never happened, bury it etc. On the

other I know I need to allow the thoughts and associated feelings as

they arise in the spirit of acceptance and willingness

There seems so much to do ;-)

Thanks, T

[Guest guest]

We can't force ourselves to feel love people that we don't love, and

I guess we can't force compassion on ourselves when we find it

difficult. We can use kinder words to describe ourselves though. From

an ACT point of view, we would not resist but let these negative self

evalutions go through.

CBT still remains a very effective therapy, and in that you would

find kinder ways of looking at yourself.

In The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety, by P.

Forsyth and Georg H. Eifert, there is a lot on developing self

compassion. This is a very gentle book.

I think true compassion for your self takes time and problably comes

having close friends who fully accept you.

I'm reading this terrific book at the moment by Tara Brach, called

Radical Acceptance - Embracing the Heart of the Buddha. Its all about

learning to love yourself and being open to life. Tara suffered

terribly from feeling bad and inadequate until she discovered

campassionate buddhism. I shall write about it later.

I'm not so good on the values part. I guess for me it means

developing loving and meaningful relationships again. When I was a

boy I had really close friendships with my mates. I've always been

surprised about how alone I became. LSD made me dislike myself

intensely.

Kavy

>

> Hi All

>

> My problems started just after leaving school, nearly 30 years ago

> when I experienced a panic attack and started fighting the feelings

> and thoughts (experiential avoidance in ACT language). In

retrospect

> I was just a kid struggling with scary emotions and thoughts that I

> guess I wasn't ready for. But I felt I needed to act like a man,

big

> boys don't cry etc etc. I couldn't see any reason to be scared - I

> was loved, good family, had a good upbringing, didn't have any

traumas

> like abuse etc etc, yet still I had this anxiety, OCD and

depression.

> Who knows, perhaps it was enough to be changing from school to

work,

> being in my first relationship etc etc. But then (and even now)

these

> don't seem like enough to trigger something like this and I find it

> very difficult to be compassionate towards myself to find any space

to

> love me for what I am - all of me, not just the me in the good

times.

> I can see that this set up the battleground - all the " I shouldn't

> feel this way " " pull yourself together " " get rid of the thoughts and

> feelings " " don't be stupid (which really means - I am stupid) " " try

> harder (force harder, fight harder) " etc etc

>

> I have had periods of freedom but the anxiety and depression has

> always returned.

>

> I have started working with ACT and have been pleased to read about

> " unwanted thoughts, painful memories, difficult emotions and

feelings

> etc etc " . I've always struggled with thinking back to that time in

> particular - a kind of psychological / emotional no-go area.

However,

> it's always there when i feel this way but in the past I've tried to

> push it away - pretend that time never happened, bury it etc. On the

> other I know I need to allow the thoughts and associated feelings as

> they arise in the spirit of acceptance and willingness

>

> There seems so much to do ;-)

>

> Thanks, T

>

[Guest guest]

Kavy, I first read that book about four years ago (Radical Acceptance) and it remains one of my favorites and one of the most helpful I've ever about accepting yourself. I have Tara Brach's CD, too.

Helena

Re: Things coming up...just wanted to record this

We can't force ourselves to feel love people that we don't love, and I guess we can't force compassion on ourselves when we find it difficult. We can use kinder words to describe ourselves though. From an ACT point of view, we would not resist but let these negative self evalutions go through.CBT still remains a very effective therapy, and in that you would find kinder ways of looking at yourself.In The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety, by P. Forsyth and Georg H. Eifert, there is a lot on developing self compassion. This is a very gentle book. I think true compassion for your self takes time and problably comes having close friends who fully accept you.I'm reading this terrific book at the moment by Tara Brach, called Radical Acceptance - Embracing the Heart of the Buddha. Its all about learning to love yourself and being open to life. Tara suffered terribly from feeling bad and inadequate until she discovered campassionate buddhism. I shall write about it later. I'm not so good on the values part. I guess for me it means developing loving and meaningful relationships again. When I was a boy I had really close friendships with my mates. I've always been surprised about how alone I became. LSD made me dislike myself intensely.Kavy>> Hi All> > My problems started just after leaving school, nearly 30 years ago> when I experienced a panic attack and started fighting the feelings> and thoughts (experiential avoidance in ACT language). In retrospect> I was just a kid struggling with scary emotions and thoughts that I> guess I wasn't ready for. But I felt I needed to act like a man, big> boys don't cry etc etc. I couldn't see any reason to be scared - I> was loved, good family, had a good upbringing, didn't have any traumas> like abuse etc etc, yet still I had this anxiety, OCD and depression.> Who knows, perhaps it was enough to be changing from school to work,> being in my first relationship etc etc. But then (and even now) these> don't seem like enough to trigger something like this and I find it> very difficult to be compassionate towards myself to find any space to> love me for what I am - all of me, not just the me in the good times.> I can see that this set up the battleground - all the "I shouldn't> feel this way" "pull yourself together" "get rid of the thoughts and> feelings" "don't be stupid (which really means - I am stupid)" "try> harder (force harder, fight harder)" etc etc> > I have had periods of freedom but the anxiety and depression has> always returned.> > I have started working with ACT and have been pleased to read about> "unwanted thoughts, painful memories, difficult emotions and feelings> etc etc". I've always struggled with thinking back to that time in> particular - a kind of psychological / emotional no-go area. However,> it's always there when i feel this way but in the past I've tried to> push it away - pretend that time never happened, bury it etc. On the> other I know I need to allow the thoughts and associated feelings as> they arise in the spirit of acceptance and willingness> > There seems so much to do ;-)> > Thanks, T>

[Guest guest]

Despite all my problems and awful pain I've nearly always remained an

arch optimist. I think this is why I can hold off severe depression

(despite having suffered it for quite a while). I've always got

something on the go, and at the moment I'm pretty sure buddhism/ ACT

is going to help me pull through and get free. And I mean totally

free. Some might say I am a denier, but it keeps me going and right

now feel quite good. I'm not accepting second best.

I'm still embarrassed about what I wrote the other day though.

Sometimes I fuse deeply with what's going on and it all comes out as

an unedited mess. I guess it's live though. Sorry folks.

And anyway, that's my version of buddhism, not that austere

self denial stuff that made me go running from buddhism all those

years ago. But perhaps maybe I got it wrong. ACT brought me to

mindfulness based CBT, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and now Tara Brach. I think

things are going to change soon and then I will try to help people as

much as I can on this site.

Kavy

> >

> > Hi All

> >

> > My problems started just after leaving school, nearly 30 years

ago

> > when I experienced a panic attack and started fighting the

feelings

> > and thoughts (experiential avoidance in ACT language). In

> retrospect

> > I was just a kid struggling with scary emotions and thoughts

that I

> > guess I wasn't ready for. But I felt I needed to act like a

man,

> big

> > boys don't cry etc etc. I couldn't see any reason to be scared -

I

> > was loved, good family, had a good upbringing, didn't have any

> traumas

> > like abuse etc etc, yet still I had this anxiety, OCD and

> depression.

> > Who knows, perhaps it was enough to be changing from school to

> work,

> > being in my first relationship etc etc. But then (and even now)

> these

> > don't seem like enough to trigger something like this and I

find it

> > very difficult to be compassionate towards myself to find any

space

> to

> > love me for what I am - all of me, not just the me in the good

> times.

> > I can see that this set up the battleground - all the " I

shouldn't

> > feel this way " " pull yourself together " " get rid of the

thoughts and

> > feelings " " don't be stupid (which really means - I am

stupid) " " try

> > harder (force harder, fight harder) " etc etc

> >

> > I have had periods of freedom but the anxiety and depression has

> > always returned.

> >

> > I have started working with ACT and have been pleased to read

about

> > " unwanted thoughts, painful memories, difficult emotions and

> feelings

> > etc etc " . I've always struggled with thinking back to that time

in

> > particular - a kind of psychological / emotional no-go area.

> However,

> > it's always there when i feel this way but in the past I've

tried to

> > push it away - pretend that time never happened, bury it etc.

On the

> > other I know I need to allow the thoughts and associated

feelings as

> > they arise in the spirit of acceptance and willingness

> >

> > There seems so much to do ;-)

> >

> > Thanks, T

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Kavy, please don't be embarrassed ... many of us need to share via a "steam of consciousness" style of writing at times. I find it refreshing when people open up and express themselves and don't tiptoe around on eggshells.

Keep up the optimism. I've always had a healthy dose of it myself!

Helena

Re: Things coming up...just wanted to record this

Despite all my problems and awful pain I've nearly always remained an arch optimist. I think this is why I can hold off severe depression (despite having suffered it for quite a while). I've always got something on the go, and at the moment I'm pretty sure buddhism/ ACT is going to help me pull through and get free. And I mean totally free. Some might say I am a denier, but it keeps me going and right now feel quite good. I'm not accepting second best.I'm still embarrassed about what I wrote the other day though. Sometimes I fuse deeply with what's going on and it all comes out as an unedited mess. I guess it's live though. Sorry folks.And anyway, that's my version of buddhism, not that austere self denial stuff that made me go running from buddhism all those years ago. But perhaps maybe I got it wrong. ACT brought me to mindfulness based CBT, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and now Tara Brach. I think things are going to change soon and then I will try to help people as much as I can on this site.Kavy> >> > Hi All> > > > My problems started just after leaving school, nearly 30 years ago> > when I experienced a panic attack and started fighting the feelings> > and thoughts (experiential avoidance in ACT language). In > retrospect> > I was just a kid struggling with scary emotions and thoughts that I> > guess I wasn't ready for. But I felt I needed to act like a man, > big> > boys don't cry etc etc. I couldn't see any reason to be scared -I> > was loved, good family, had a good upbringing, didn't have any > traumas> > like abuse etc etc, yet still I had this anxiety, OCD and > depression.> > Who knows, perhaps it was enough to be changing from school to > work,> > being in my first relationship etc etc. But then (and even now) > these> > don't seem like enough to trigger something like this and I find it> > very difficult to be compassionate towards myself to find any space > to> > love me for what I am - all of me, not just the me in the good > times.> > I can see that this set up the battleground - all the "I shouldn't> > feel this way" "pull yourself together" "get rid of the thoughts and> > feelings" "don't be stupid (which really means - I am stupid)" "try> > harder (force harder, fight harder)" etc etc> > > > I have had periods of freedom but the anxiety and depression has> > always returned.> > > > I have started working with ACT and have been pleased to read about> > "unwanted thoughts, painful memories, difficult emotions and > feelings> > etc etc". I've always struggled with thinking back to that time in> > particular - a kind of psychological / emotional no-go area. > However,> > it's always there when i feel this way but in the past I've tried to> > push it away - pretend that time never happened, bury it etc. On the> > other I know I need to allow the thoughts and associated feelings as> > they arise in the spirit of acceptance and willingness> > > > There seems so much to do ;-)> > > > Thanks, T> >>