Thinking Good Thoughts, is it always wrong?

[Guest guest]

I took a fancy to a lovely lady but a colleague beat me to her. She

did not seem to like me much. I'm getting a bit older now and don't

look as good as I used to so I get this feeling i have messed it up

and it's too late. I've been unhappy for years and my relationships

don't last. I try not to buy these thoughts.

Today I saw her and felt terrorised inside. Horrible thoughts went

through my head like I have a personality disorder and everyone knows

I'm a mess. I felt she detested me. (Although I'm actually quite a

cheerful person and fun to be with and I have heard that she thinks

I'm cute).

I felt the urge to remind myself of all the lovely girlfriends I have

had and the compliments they and my friends given me over the years.

I wanted to do CBT on myself and cheer myself up but I did not enter

into the debate, I allowed the thoughts to come and go. The feeling

that I am repulsive and ugly stayed and I willingly accepted it but

I'm not sure if i did the right thing as I seem to go right downhill -

I indeed suffered terribly. Playing my guitar later cheered me up but

was that avoidance? It felt good, though.

I somehow believe that if I am going downhill then I must be buying

the thought. If I do my best to let the thought go and don't take it

up my mind goes blank (for a moment) but I wonder if this is

avoidance? Like I'm stopping the thought before it finishes; it

starts, and then i think, Ah!, and then it stops. I'm very new to

this and have no therapist. I hope I haven't confused you all.

Kavy.