Values in ACT, was Re: Re: more aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh..................

[Guest guest]

>

> >

>

> Hey Louise,

>

> I'd say it a little differently. I'd say choosing a valued

directions

> allows you to choose your behavior based on how it might bring you

in

> that direction, rather than based on the thoughts and feelings

that

> might come with it. And, when you notice that your behavior is

not

> bringing you in that direction, to choose to return from avoidance

and

> fusion to valued living, regardless of what thoughts and feelings

> might come along.

Yes, you are putting it a little differently and well I think but I

think that I am not necessarily setting a goal because it will avoid

unpleasant feelings or thoughts, more that I need to be aware that my

thoughts and feelings play a role in determining my behaviour in

making me avoid things and that this only makes me unhappier!

Maybe to refer back to my last e-mail, CBT research into disorders

has focussed more on how thoughts, feeling and behaviour can be

maladaptive, whereas ACT is focussing more on how they can be

adaptive?

Isn't " valued direction " necessarily an umbrella expression for

thoughts, feelings and behaviour as values necessarily includes what

you think and feel and direction implies behaviour?

>

> To break that down, I want my clients (and me too!) to focus on

freely

> choosing direction. Sometimes conversations about " identifying "

or

> " clarifying " values can keep people stuck in trying to pick

the " true "

> or " right " values. I'd also distinguish values from goals because

> they are more like directions than locations in that they can never

be

> met. For example, you can go north forever and would never stop

and

> say, " there. I've done it. I'm finally north. " Going to

> Saskatchewan, however, is a one-time thing. Values-consistent

goals

> are chosen in ACT, but are only important in the sense that they

mark

> a step in the chosen direction.

I find this interesting as I certainly am happier with being certain

(OCD!) but I am also someone who questions everything. During CBT I

have often found it very hard to set homework as I tend to be all or

nothing in what I do and I think that the homework might have a

paradoxical effect or push me from one extreme to another. So my

therapist has been very wary of making very precise homework

assignments as I need to learn to be more flexible and forgiving of

my failures. I actually got praise for him for arriving one day and

telling him I'd decided not to do the homework set and that I wasn't

worried!

> the direction that choosing values will lead. Sometimes you'll

notice

> yourself moving in the totally opposite direction, and the thing to

do

> then is to gently turn back. Being unwilling to fall off your

chosen

> direction means being unwilling to pursue that direction. In

other

> words, being willing to fail, over and over, sometimes in small

ways

> and sometimes in big ones, may just be the price of admission.

>

> To give an example, I value parenting. I've chosen to value being

an

> extraordinary mother. Just typing that here makes my heart beat

> faster and my throat close up. And - I choose to be an

extraordinary

> mother. This is not a goal because it's not something I'll ever

> accomplish and be done with. That being said, I've set and reset

goals

> that, if accomplished, would move me in this direction, and I

often

> accomplish them. Except when I don't. And when I notice myself

making

> choices that move me in a direction that is not being an

extraordinary

> mother, I smack myself around a little psychologically, and when

I'm

> through wasting my time, I choose to turn back. And choosing to be

an

> extraordinary mother never gets easier. And choosing to be an

> extraordinary mother never gets less vital, rich, or meaningful.

I love these last thoughts particularly!

Louise