Fears

[Guest guest]

This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought I'd post something.

How are people handling fears? I have some specific fears but mostly

it's just general anxiety. I do things that most people would

consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and playing guitar in

front of audiences.

But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing anything to reduce my

fear in the gut and restlessness.

Any comments would be much appreciated.

Thanks,

Bruce

[Guest guest]

you can try to play with 1 after 2 after 3 and more peaple,when you are a bad feel or a bad thought you can say to pealple what you think,it's to accepet it,like mindfulnes,..try it and after you can tell me,but remember don't struggle with your suffering,accept.To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent:

Thursday, December 18, 2008 7:51:37 PMSubject: Fears

This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought I'd post something.

How are people handling fears? I have some specific fears but mostly

it's just general anxiety. I do things that most people would

consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and playing guitar in

front of audiences.

But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing anything to reduce my

fear in the gut and restlessness.

Any comments would be much appreciated.

Thanks,

Bruce

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it. I just thought I

would update on my sort of meeting the opposite sex thing.

So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have been learning alot

about myself in the process in between all the anxiety.

He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal things and it has been

nice to have someone to bounce things off of. So, when we met I told him that

I wasn't ready for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to talk

to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he didn't email me. I got

freaked out and I told him I couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to

talk to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really missed talking

to him. So, I explained that I freaked out and apologized. He started talking

to me and completely understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and

white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you.

Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have been so nervous about it.

I was afraid of having anxiety. Anyway, I explained this to him and he came

over today, just for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety

was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I don't " have " to do

anything. I was trying to think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the

ways I was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off way nicer

than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and I am not only my anxiety.

I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as something scary happens

I need to let it settle down before making assumptions and decisions. I know

that I am going to have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my

values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better than following my

anxiety 'not' bringing my values with me.

Sending sunshine.

Robyn

-------------- Original message ----------------------

> This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought I'd post something.

>

> How are people handling fears? I have some specific fears but mostly

> it's just general anxiety. I do things that most people would

> consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and playing guitar in

> front of audiences.

>

> But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing anything to reduce my

> fear in the gut and restlessness.

>

> Any comments would be much appreciated.

>

> Thanks,

> Bruce

This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought I'd post something.

How are people handling fears? I have some specific fears but mostly

it's just general anxiety. I do things that most people would

consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and playing guitar in

front of audiences.

But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing anything to reduce my

fear in the gut and restlessness.

Any comments would be much appreciated.

Thanks,

Bruce

[Guest guest]

Robyn, I am thrilled for you. You're an inspiration to me.

Helena

Re: Fears

Hi, I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it. I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the opposite sex thing. So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have been learning alot about myself in the process in between all the anxiety. He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out and apologized. He started talking to me and completely understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you. Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety. Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I don't "have" to do anything. I was trying to think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and I am not only my anxiety. I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as something scary happens I need to let it settle down before making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values with me. Sending sunshine. Robyn -------------- Original message ----------------------From: Bruce Carlson <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>> This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought I'd post something.> > How are people handling fears? I have some specific fears but mostly > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most people would > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and playing guitar in > front of audiences.> > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing anything to reduce my > fear in the gut and restlessness.> > Any comments would be much appreciated.> > Thanks,> Bruce

[Guest guest]

Yes, thank you for addressing this issue, Robyn.

My experiences/anxiety with " dating " are often somewhere in between Annie Hall

and Scream. I appreciate your optimistic reminder--e.a. is not the solution!

best,

a.

>

> Subject: Re: Fears

> To: ACT_for_the_Public

> Date: Saturday, December 20, 2008, 3:43 AM

> Robyn, I am thrilled for you. You're an inspiration to

> me.

>

> Helena

>

> Re: Fears

>

>

> Hi,

>

> I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it.

> I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the

> opposite sex thing.

>

> So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have

> been learning alot about myself in the process in between

> all the anxiety.

>

> He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal

> things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things

> off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready

> for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to

> talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he

> didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I

> couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk

> to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really

> missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out

> and apologized. He started talking to me and completely

> understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and

> white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you.

>

> Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have

> been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety.

> Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just

> for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety

> was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I

> don't " have " to do anything. I was trying to

> think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I

> was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off

> way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and

> I am not only my anxiety.

>

> I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as

> something scary happens I need to let it settle down before

> making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to

> have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my

> values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better

> than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values

> with me.

>

> Sending sunshine.

>

> Robyn

> -------------- Original message ----------------------

>

> > This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought

> I'd post something.

> >

> > How are people handling fears? I have some specific

> fears but mostly

> > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most

> people would

> > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and

> playing guitar in

> > front of audiences.

> >

> > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing

> anything to reduce my

> > fear in the gut and restlessness.

> >

> > Any comments would be much appreciated.

> >

> > Thanks,

> > Bruce

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Thank you both Helena and A. I realize that " dating " if you can call it that

is just like everything else. You don't just know someone right off the bat.

And most people are nervous when they first meet. And I sometimes mistake that

as a character flaw in me, when it is normal for everyone and this is what I am

going to have to accept. I am proud of myself for making the first step.

Helena, you are kind but I am embarrassed. I couldn't possibly be anyones

inspiration in this mess of me. You guys are so helpful. I am thankful for

this list. It has changed my life. But, I do know that when we share these

things, you have no idea how it helps us. Because then we see that we are way

more alike than we think.

Peace

Robyn

--------- Re: Fears

>

>

> Hi,

>

> I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it.

> I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the

> opposite sex thing.

>

> So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have

> been learning alot about myself in the process in between

> all the anxiety.

>

> He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal

> things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things

> off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready

> for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to

> talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he

> didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I

> couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk

> to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really

> missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out

> and apologized. He started talking to me and completely

> understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and

> white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you.

>

> Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have

> been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety.

> Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just

> for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety

> was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I

> don't " have " to do anything. I was trying to

> think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I

> was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off

> way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and

> I am not only my anxiety.

>

> I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as

> something scary happens I need to let it settle down before

> making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to

> have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my

> values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better

> than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values

> with me.

>

> Sending sunshine.

>

> Robyn

> -------------- Original message ----------------------

> From: Bruce Carlson <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>

> > This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought

> I'd post something.

> >

> > How are people handling fears? I have some specific

> fears but mostly

> > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most

> people would

> > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and

> playing guitar in

> > front of audiences.

> >

> > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing

> anything to reduce my

> > fear in the gut and restlessness.

> >

> > Any comments would be much appreciated.

> >

> > Thanks,

> > Bruce

[Guest guest]

Along these lines, I read a journal article during the summer that concluded

that men with panic disorder to not find it to be an obstacle to relationship

development as much as women.

I will see if I can dig up the article.

The gender difference was fascinating to me.

I wonder if women (over all) are more accepting of this sort of vulnerability in

people they date?

a.

> >

> > >

> > > Subject: Re: Fears

> > > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > > Date: Saturday, December 20, 2008, 3:43 AM

> > > Robyn, I am thrilled for you. You're an

> inspiration to

> > > me.

> > >

> > > Helena

> > >

> > > Re: Fears

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi,

> > >

> > > I have not been posting lately but was thinking

> about it.

> > > I just thought I would update on my sort of

> meeting the

> > > opposite sex thing.

> > >

> > > So, I have been corresponding with someone

> online. I have

> > > been learning alot about myself in the process in

> between

> > > all the anxiety.

> > >

> > > He seems very sweet and we have talked about

> personal

> > > things and it has been nice to have someone to

> bounce things

> > > off of. So, when we met I told him that I

> wasn't ready

> > > for any relationships. I am just learning. It is

> nice to

> > > talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One

> day he

> > > didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told

> him I

> > > couldn't deal with that I said I didn't

> want to talk

> > > to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well,

> I really

> > > missed talking to him. So, I explained that I

> freaked out

> > > and apologized. He started talking to me and

> completely

> > > understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is

> black and

> > > white and not everyone will hold a mistake

> against you.

> > >

> > > Then he has been wanting to meet face to face.

> I have

> > > been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having

> anxiety.

> > > Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over

> today, just

> > > for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it.

> My anxiety

> > > was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself

> that I

> > > don't " have " to do anything. I was

> trying to

> > > think of the ways I was not trapped instead of

> the ways I

> > > was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I

> come off

> > > way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I

> can do it and

> > > I am not only my anxiety.

> > >

> > > I had some other thoughts but I realize that as

> soon as

> > > something scary happens I need to let it settle

> down before

> > > making assumptions and decisions. I know that I

> am going to

> > > have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I

> followed my

> > > values today and brought my anxiety with me. It

> is better

> > > than following my anxiety 'not' bringing

> my values

> > > with me.

> > >

> > > Sending sunshine.

> > >

> > > Robyn

> > > -------------- Original message

> ----------------------

> > >

> > > > This board has been pretty quiet lately so

> I thought

> > > I'd post something.

> > > >

> > > > How are people handling fears? I have some

> specific

> > > fears but mostly

> > > > it's just general anxiety. I do things

> that most

> > > people would

> > > > consider fear-inducing, like public

> speaking and

> > > playing guitar in

> > > > front of audiences.

> > > >

> > > > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or

> doing

> > > anything to reduce my

> > > > fear in the gut and restlessness.

> > > >

> > > > Any comments would be much appreciated.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks,

> > > > Bruce

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Robyn,

You inspire me because you are moving forward toward your "dating" goals in spite of your fears. I think that is huge. Small steps, perhaps, but huge progress! I don't have the same issues as you do (i.e., great anxiety), but I have yet to take even baby steps toward some of my values; I'm not swimming in anxiety, but I am afraid--of change, I suppose. That's why it is an inspiration to me to hear the experiences of others are having success in moving forward.

I am somewhat distressed that you say you couldn't possibly be anyone's inspiration. You are moving forward in spite of the "mess of you," as you put it, and that is exactly why you are an inspiration. If it were easy for you, what kind of inspiration would that be? I cringe when you put yourself down so easily, Robyn. You strike me as exceptionally kind and compassionate -- to others -- so why not to yourself? I need to do that, too, as I've expressed in previous posts. But I think you win the prize for self deprecation!

I also admire, from you and others, your sharing the gritty emotions of your personal experiences. I am not as comfortable in sharing such things about myself, and it might be good if I tried to do that more instead of "intellectualizing" so much. I was able to wade through much of the crap in my life by using my head, and now I need to get out of it -- and into my life. Didn't someone write a book about that? : )

Best,

Helena

Re: Fears> > > > > > Hi, > > > > I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it.> > I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the> > opposite sex thing. > > > > So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have> > been learning alot about myself in the process in between> > all the anxiety. > > > > He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal> > things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things> > off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready> > for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to> > talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he> > didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I> > couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk> > to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really> > missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out> > and apologized. He started talking to me and completely> > understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and> > white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you. > > > > Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have> > been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety.> > Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just> > for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety> > was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I> > don't "have" to do anything. I was trying to> > think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I> > was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off> > way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and> > I am not only my anxiety. > > > > I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as> > something scary happens I need to let it settle down before> > making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to> > have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my> > values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better> > than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values> > with me. > > > > Sending sunshine. > > > > Robyn > > -------------- Original message ----------------------> > From: Bruce Carlson <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>> > > This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought> > I'd post something.> > > > > > How are people handling fears? I have some specific> > fears but mostly > > > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most> > people would > > > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and> > playing guitar in > > > front of audiences.> > > > > > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing> > anything to reduce my > > > fear in the gut and restlessness.> > > > > > Any comments would be much appreciated.> > > > > > Thanks,> > > Bruce> > > >

[Guest guest]

Helena,

You certainly have the gift of encouragement. Thank you for your kind words.

If I could be kinder to me I know things would be better. But I suspect I

wouldn't even believe it anyway.

I will tell you that I am a very open person. I get so much from others when

they share their life. And I just can't help but being open. And it bit me. I

won't bring up the therapist thing again, but I have been so taken advatage of.

But I am not going to let that stop me from sharing. It so important for us to

do. When I hear a success story it changes everything for me and keeps me

going.

Thank you for your reminder.

Robyn

--------- Re: Fears> > > > > > Hi, > > > > I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it.> > I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the> > opposite sex thing. > > > > So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have> > been learning alot about myself in the process in between> > all the anxiety. > > > > He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal> > things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things> > off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready> > for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to> > talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he> > didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I> > couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk> > to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really> > missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out> > and apologized. He started talking to me and completely> > understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and> > white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you. > > > > Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have> > been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety.> > Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just> > for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety> > was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I> > don't "have" to do anything. I was trying to> > think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I> > was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off> > way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and> > I am not only my anxiety. > > > > I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as> > something scary happens I need to let it settle down before> > making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to> > have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my> > values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better> > than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values> > with me. > > > > Sending sunshine. > > > > Robyn > > -------------- Original message ----------------------> > From: Bruce Carlson <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>> > > This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought> > I'd post something.> > > > > > How are people handling fears? I have some specific> > fears but mostly > > > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most> > people would > > > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and> > playing guitar in > > > front of audiences.> > > > > > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing> > anything to reduce my > > > fear in the gut and restlessness.> > > > > > Any comments would be much appreciated.> > > > > > Thanks,> > > Bruce> > > >

[Guest guest]

>>If I could be kinder to me I know things would be better. But I suspect I wouldn't even believe it anyway.

You wouldn't believe what, Robyn?

Helena

Re: Fears> > > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > > > I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it.> > > I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the> > > opposite sex thing. > > > > > > So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have> > > been learning alot about myself in the process in between> > > all the anxiety. > > > > > > He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal> > > things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things> > > off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready> > > for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to> > > talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he> > > didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I> > > couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk> > > to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really> > > missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out> > > and apologized. He started talking to me and completely> > > understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and> > > white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you. > > > > > > Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have> > > been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety.> > > Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just> > > for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety> > > was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I> > > don't "have" to do anything. I was trying to> > > think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I> > > was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off> > > way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and> > > I am not only my anxiety. > > > > > > I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as> > > something scary happens I need to let it settle down before> > > making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to> > > have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my> > > values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better> > > than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values> > > with me. > > > > > > Sending sunshine. > > > > > > Robyn > > > -------------- Original message ----------------------> > > > > > > This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought> > > I'd post something.> > > > > > > > How are people handling fears? I have some specific> > > fears but mostly > > > > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most> > > people would > > > > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and> > > playing guitar in > > > > front of audiences.> > > > > > > > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing> > > anything to reduce my > > > > fear in the gut and restlessness.> > > > > > > > Any comments would be much appreciated.> > > > > > > > Thanks,> > > > Bruce> > > > > > > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Really, all I meant is I can be kinder to myself and my mind still might not

believe it. So, my anxiety still goes on.

Just an update. I don't think things are going to work out with my sort of

" date " He wants way more than I do and he is too old for me. But I am dealing

with it fairly well because, I gave it everything and I didn't make a knee jerk

decision. Clare Weekes has 4 things we should when feeling panic. -

Floating

Float towards the symptoms you get … don't fight them. If you try to fight, you

pump more adrenalin. Float past tension, fear, and unpleasant or unwelcome

thoughts. Let them come … don't fight them. Loosen your attitude towards

tension.

Facing

Face your thoughts and fears instead of trying to be rid of them by pushing or

forcing them out.

Acceptance

Accept your condition … just say " I am accepting this. " Dr. Weekes says utter

acceptance of your symptoms is part of the solution and helps break this cycle

that involves fear then more symptoms that generate more fear etc.

Letting Time Pass

Letting time pass seems hard, as people naturally want to be well right now. You

must happily let more time pass as the healing process begins. It takes time to

repair a broken bone and so it takes time to repair your sensitized nervous

system.

This letting time pass is something I am really focusing on. I tend to tense up

make knee jerk decisions and cut people and places off the second I feel

anything. I hope it is okay to post this. I know that this is an ACT list but

Weekes got me out of this once before. And these are very ACT like.

Robyn

--------- Re: Fears> > > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > > > I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it.> > > I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the> > > opposite sex thing. > > > > > > So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have> > > been learning alot about myself in the process in between> > > all the anxiety. > > > > > > He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal> > > things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things> > > off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready> > > for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to> > > talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he> > > didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I> > > couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk> > > to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really> > > missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out> > > and apologized. He started talking to me and completely> > > understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and> > > white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you. > > > > > > Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have> > > been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety.> > > Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just> > > for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety> > > was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I> > > don't "have" to do anything. I was trying to> > > think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I> > > was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off> > > way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and> > > I am not only my anxiety. > > > > > > I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as> > > something scary happens I need to let it settle down before> > > making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to> > > have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my> > > values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better> > > than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values> > > with me. > > > > > > Sending sunshine. > > > > > > Robyn > > > -------------- Original message ----------------------> > > From: Bruce Carlson <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>> > > > This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought> > > I'd post something.> > > > > > > > How are people handling fears? I have some specific> > > fears but mostly > > > > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most> > > people would > > > > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and> > > playing guitar in > > > > front of audiences.> > > > > > > > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing> > > anything to reduce my > > > > fear in the gut and restlessness.> > > > > > > > Any comments would be much appreciated.> > > > > > > > Thanks,> > > > Bruce> > > > > > > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

> Letting Time Pass

> Letting time pass seems hard, as people naturally want to

> be well right now. You must happily let more time pass as

> the healing process begins. It takes time to repair a broken

> bone and so it takes time to repair your sensitized nervous

> system.

>

>

>

> This letting time pass is something I am really focusing

> on. I tend to tense up make knee jerk decisions and cut

> people and places off the second I feel anything. I hope it

> is okay to post this. I know that this is an ACT list but

> Weekes got me out of this once before. And these are

> very ACT like.

>

Thanks, Robyn. I do this as well--make knee-jerk reactions.

Helpful for me to remember to let time pass.

a.

[Guest guest]

I'm pretty good at floating but the facing of fears really gets me. I know that when you face fears, you're supposed to find them to be phantoms. I do realize that a lot of my fears are universal and part of the human condition, but they grind at me anyway. What does facing fears mean?As for letting time pass, the events of the Holiday Season remind me that I was in the same shape last year, doing the same things (which are overwhelmingly positive and in line with my values) and a year has brought little progress.Thanks,Bruce Floating Float towards the symptoms you get … don't fight them. If you try to fight, you pump more adrenalin. Float past tension, fear, and unpleasant or unwelcome thoughts. Let them come … don't fight them. Loosen your attitude towards tension. Facing Face your thoughts and fears instead of trying to be rid of them by pushing or forcing them out. Acceptance Accept your condition … just say "I am accepting this." Dr. Weekes says utter acceptance of your symptoms is part of the solution and helps break this cycle that involves fear then more symptoms that generate more fear etc. Letting Time Pass Letting time pass seems hard, as people naturally want to be well right now. You must happily let more time pass as the healing process begins. It takes time to repair a broken bone and so it takes time to repair your sensitized nervous system. This letting time pass is something I am really focusing on. I tend to tense up make knee jerk decisions and cut people and places off the second I feel anything. I hope it is okay to post this. I know that this is an ACT list but Weekes got me out of this once before. And these are very ACT like. Robyn --------- Re: Fears> > > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > > > I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it.> > > I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the> > > opposite sex thing. > > > > > > So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have> > > been learning alot about myself in the process in between> > > all the anxiety. > > > > > > He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal> > > things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things> > > off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready> > > for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to> > > talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he> > > didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I> > > couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk> > > to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really> > > missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out> > > and apologized. He started talking to me and completely> > > understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and> > > white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you. > > > > > > Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have> > > been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety.> > > Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just> > > for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety> > > was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I> > > don't "have" to do anything. I was trying to> > > think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I> > > was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off> > > way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and> > > I am not only my anxiety. > > > > > > I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as> > > something scary happens I need to let it settle down before> > > making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to> > > have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my> > > values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better> > > than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values> > > with me. > > > > > > Sending sunshine. > > > > > > Robyn > > > -------------- Original message ----------------------> > > From: Bruce Carlson <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>> > > > This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought> > > I'd post something.> > > > > > > > How are people handling fears? I have some specific> > > fears but mostly > > > > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most> > > people would > > > > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and> > > playing guitar in > > > > front of audiences.> > > > > > > > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing> > > anything to reduce my > > > > fear in the gut and restlessness.> > > > > > > > Any comments would be much appreciated.> > > > > > > > Thanks,> > > > Bruce> > > > > > > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Bruce, this is what I was thinking with your post.

Two things. Facing fears to me is not trying to manipulate my environment. Not

avoiding. THere are some fears I do not want to face. So, I am okay with

that. One is elevators and Airplanes. I would have to get pretty far from

where I am to get to that point anyway but I don't want to fly. Maybe that will

change and I want to have room in my head to change if I want to.

I have a business, I have been on hiatus for a year, but one thing about

business is you have to change to make it. If the market changes you have to

change, The businesses that fail are the ones who refuse to change with the

times. That is the same for me. In two years if things are different I need to

adjust to that. I think that is where willingness comes in..

The second thing is as far as a year with little progress, I understand this,

I have had this going on for 6 years, my past is not going to dictate what I

do. Years ago, I had a friend that had a very successful business and I

remember saying oh I could never do that. I did do it. At that time, I had

young kids and I couldn't even think of having a business. Things changed for

me and 10 years later I did. So, I have been going through this also and I

have decided that I am not going to try and manipulate what is going to happen.

I am going to let it happen as it must and move with it. Lean into whatever

happens. Just my humble take on it.

And believe me when I say this sounds all well and good but I struggle with it

daily.

Sending sunshine.

Robyn

--------- Re: Fears> > > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > > > I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it.> > > I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the> > > opposite sex thing. > > > > > > So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have> > > been learning alot about myself in the process in between> > > all the anxiety. > > > > > > He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal> > > things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things> > > off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready> > > for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to> > > talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he> > > didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I> > > couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk> > > to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really> > > missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out> > > and apologized. He started talking to me and completely> > > understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and> > > white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you. > > > > > > Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have> > > been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety.> > > Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just> > > for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety> > > was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I> > > don't "have" to do anything. I was trying to> > > think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I> > > was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off> > > way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and> > > I am not only my anxiety. > > > > > > I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as> > > something scary happens I need to let it settle down before> > > making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to> > > have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my> > > values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better> > > than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values> > > with me. > > > > > > Sending sunshine. > > > > > > Robyn > > > -------------- Original message ----------------------> > > From: Bruce Carlson <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>> > > > This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought> > > I'd post something.> > > > > > > > How are people handling fears? I have some specific> > > fears but mostly > > > > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most> > > people would > > > > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and> > > playing guitar in > > > > front of audiences.> > > > > > > > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing> > > anything to reduce my > > > > fear in the gut and restlessness.> > > > > > > > Any comments would be much appreciated.> > > > > > > > Thanks,> > > > Bruce> > > > > > > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Hi Bruce,

I find it helpful to differentiate ‘facing fears’, ‘carrying

fears’, and ‘facing challenges’.

I think of ‘facing fears’ as deliberate mindfulness

practice actively focused on observing your fearful thoughts and feelings -

i.e. you are making time to formally practise mindfulness of the experience of

fear: noticing/defusing the scary thoughts and images, and observing/ allowing/

breathing into and opening up around the sensations in your body. During these

times, the spotlight is on your fear (thoughts and feelings and sensations) –

thus you are ‘facing your fear’.

I think of ‘carrying fears’ as making room for all

those uncomfortable thoughts and sensations and taking them with you as, in the

interest of pursuing your values. The fear is still there, up on the stage, but

it’s no longer in the spotlight; you can see it, but it’s just one

aspect of the whole stage show.

And when acting on your values requires you to move forwards

into challenging situations - then you are ‘facing a challenge’. And

you carry your fear with you as you face that challenge.

And if you actively practice ‘facing your fears’, then

it becomes easier to ‘carry your fears’ as you ‘face your

challenges’.

There is one further step: ‘channelling your fear’. Fear

gives you a huge amount of energy, and in many challenging situations you can channel

that energy into effective action. This is what stage performers are talking about

when they use words like ‘amped’ ‘revved up’ and ‘adrenaline

rush’. Obviously this is not possible while you are avoiding your fear.

When a performer avoids his fear instead of channelling it into his

performance, it is known as ‘stage fright’. Obviously, I don’t

think this applies to eating sushi – but it certainly applies to giving a

presentation at work or performing in any competitive event.

Hope this helps,

Cheers, Russ

Russ

PO Box 5079

Alphington, Vic 3058

www.thehappinesstrap.com

www.actmindfully.com.au

From: ACT_for_the_Public

[mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of Bruce Carlson

Sent: Tuesday, 23 December 2008 11:19 AM

To: ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: Re: Fears

I'm pretty good at floating but the facing of fears really gets me. I know

that when you face fears, you're supposed to find them to be phantoms. I do

realize that a lot of my fears are universal and part of the human condition,

but they grind at me anyway. What does facing fears mean?

As for letting time pass, the events of the Holiday Season

remind me that I was in the same shape last year, doing the same things (which

are overwhelmingly positive and in line with my values) and a year has brought

little progress.

Thanks,

Bruce

Floating

Float towards the symptoms you get … don't fight them. If you try to

fight, you pump more adrenalin. Float past tension, fear, and unpleasant or

unwelcome thoughts. Let them come … don't fight them. Loosen your

attitude towards tension.

Facing

Face your thoughts and fears instead of trying to be rid of them by pushing or

forcing them out.

Acceptance

Accept your condition … just say " I am accepting this. " Dr.

Weekes says utter acceptance of your symptoms is part of the solution and helps

break this cycle that involves fear then more symptoms that generate more fear

etc.

Letting Time Pass

Letting time pass seems hard, as people naturally want to be well right now.

You must happily let more time pass as the healing process begins. It takes

time to repair a broken bone and so it takes time to repair your sensitized

nervous system.

This letting time pass is something I am really focusing on. I tend to tense up

make knee jerk decisions and cut people and places off the second I feel

anything. I hope it is okay to post this. I know that this is an ACT list but

Weekes got me out of this once before. And these are very ACT like.

Robyn

--------- Re: Fears

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi,

> > >

> > > I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it.

> > > I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the

> > > opposite sex thing.

> > >

> > > So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have

> > > been learning alot about myself in the process in between

> > > all the anxiety.

> > >

> > > He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal

> > > things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things

> > > off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready

> > > for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to

> > > talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he

> > > didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I

> > > couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk

> > > to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really

> > > missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out

> > > and apologized. He started talking to me and completely

> > > understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and

> > > white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you.

> > >

> > > Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have

> > > been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety.

> > > Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just

> > > for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety

> > > was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I

> > > don't " have " to do anything. I was trying to

> > > think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I

> > > was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off

> > > way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and

> > > I am not only my anxiety.

> > >

> > > I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as

> > > something scary happens I need to let it settle down before

> > > making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to

> > > have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my

> > > values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better

> > > than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values

> > > with me.

> > >

> > > Sending sunshine.

> > >

> > > Robyn

> > > -------------- Original message ----------------------

> > >

> > > > This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought

> > > I'd post something.

> > > >

> > > > How are people handling fears? I have some specific

> > > fears but mostly

> > > > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most

> > > people would

> > > > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and

> > > playing guitar in

> > > > front of audiences.

> > > >

> > > > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing

> > > anything to reduce my

> > > > fear in the gut and restlessness.

> > > >

> > > > Any comments would be much appreciated.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks,

> > > > Bruce

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Russ. This is very helpful. And the final section on stage fright is definitely something I hadn't considered.I appreciate your insight.Thanks,BruceHi Bruce, I find it helpful to differentiate ‘facing fears’, ‘carrying fears’, and ‘facing challenges’.I think of ‘facing fears’  as deliberate mindfulness practice actively focused on observing your fearful thoughts and feelings - i.e. you are making time to formally practise mindfulness of the experience of fear: noticing/defusing the scary thoughts and images, and observing/ allowing/ breathing into and opening up around the sensations in your body. During these times, the spotlight is on your fear (thoughts and feelings and sensations) – thus you are ‘facing your fear’.I think of ‘carrying fears’ as making room for all those uncomfortable thoughts and sensations and taking them with you as, in the interest of pursuing your values. The fear is still there, up on the stage, but it’s no longer in the spotlight; you can see it, but it’s just one aspect of the whole stage show.And when acting on your values requires you to move forwards into challenging situations - then you are ‘facing a challenge’. And you carry your fear with  you as you face that challenge.And if you actively practice ‘facing your fears’, then it becomes easier to ‘carry your fears’ as you ‘face your challenges’. There is one further step: ‘channelling your fear’. Fear gives you a huge amount of energy, and in many challenging situations you can channel that energy into effective action. This is what stage performers are talking about when they use words like ‘amped’ ‘revved up’ and ‘adrenaline rush’. Obviously this is not possible while you are avoiding your fear. When a performer avoids his fear instead of channelling it into his performance, it is known as ‘stage fright’. Obviously, I don’t think this applies to eating sushi – but it certainly applies to giving a presentation at work or performing in any competitive event. Hope this helps,Cheers, Russ Russ PO Box 5079Alphington, Vic 3058 www.thehappinesstrap.comwww.actmindfully.com.au From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of Bruce CarlsonSent: Tuesday, 23 December 2008 11:19 AMTo: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: Re: Fears I'm pretty good at floating but the facing of fears really gets me. I know that when you face fears, you're supposed to find them to be phantoms. I do realize that a lot of my fears are universal and part of the human condition, but they grind at me anyway. What does facing fears mean? As for letting time pass, the events of the Holiday Season remind me that I was in the same shape last year, doing the same things (which are overwhelmingly positive and in line with my values) and a year has brought little progress. Thanks,Bruce On Dec 21, 2008, at 6:33 PM, robynabccomcast (DOT) net wrote:Floating Float towards the symptoms you get … don't fight them. If you try to fight, you pump more adrenalin. Float past tension, fear, and unpleasant or unwelcome thoughts. Let them come … don't fight them. Loosen your attitude towards tension. Facing Face your thoughts and fears instead of trying to be rid of them by pushing or forcing them out. Acceptance Accept your condition … just say "I am accepting this." Dr. Weekes says utter acceptance of your symptoms is part of the solution and helps break this cycle that involves fear then more symptoms that generate more fear etc. Letting Time Pass Letting time pass seems hard, as people naturally want to be well right now. You must happily let more time pass as the healing process begins. It takes time to repair a broken bone and so it takes time to repair your sensitized nervous system.This letting time pass is something I am really focusing on. I tend to tense up make knee jerk decisions and cut people and places off the second I feel anything. I hope it is okay to post this. I know that this is an ACT list but Weekes got me out of this once before. And these are very ACT like. Robyn --------- Re: Fears> > > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > > > I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it.> > > I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the> > > opposite sex thing. > > > > > > So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have> > > been learning alot about myself in the process in between> > > all the anxiety. > > > > > > He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal> > > things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things> > > off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready> > > for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to> > > talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he> > > didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I> > > couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk> > > to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really> > > missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out> > > and apologized. He started talking to me and completely> > > understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and> > > white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you. > > > > > > Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have> > > been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety.> > > Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just> > > for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety> > > was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I> > > don't "have" to do anything. I was trying to> > > think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I> > > was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off> > > way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and> > > I am not only my anxiety. > > > > > > I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as> > > something scary happens I need to let it settle down before> > > making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to> > > have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my> > > values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better> > > than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values> > > with me. > > > > > > Sending sunshine. > > > > > > Robyn > > > -------------- Original message ----------------------> > > From: Bruce Carlson <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>> > > > This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought> > > I'd post something.> > > > > > > > How are people handling fears? I have some specific> > > fears but mostly > > > > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most> > > people would > > > > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and> > > playing guitar in > > > > front of audiences.> > > > > > > > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing> > > anything to reduce my > > > > fear in the gut and restlessness.> > > > > > > > Any comments would be much appreciated.> > > > > > > > Thanks,> > > > Bruce> > > > > > > > > > > >   

[Guest guest]

Awesome post!

thanks,

Henrik

Re: Fears> > > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > > > I have not been posting lately but was thinking about it.> > > I just thought I would update on my sort of meeting the> > > opposite sex thing. > > > > > > So, I have been corresponding with someone online. I have> > > been learning alot about myself in the process in between> > > all the anxiety. > > > > > > He seems very sweet and we have talked about personal> > > things and it has been nice to have someone to bounce things> > > off of. So, when we met I told him that I wasn't ready> > > for any relationships. I am just learning. It is nice to> > > talk to him but he is busy alot. So, anyway. One day he> > > didn't email me. I got freaked out and I told him I> > > couldn't deal with that I said I didn't want to talk> > > to him anymore. Such a knee jerk reaction. Well, I really> > > missed talking to him. So, I explained that I freaked out> > > and apologized. He started talking to me and completely> > > understood. Lesson learned- Not everything is black and> > > white and not everyone will hold a mistake against you. > > > > > > Then he has been wanting to meet face to face. I have> > > been so nervous about it. I was afraid of having anxiety.> > > Anyway, I explained this to him and he came over today, just> > > for a short time. I had a hard time but I did it. My anxiety> > > was pretty bad a few times but I reminded myself that I> > > don't "have" to do anything. I was trying to> > > think of the ways I was not trapped instead of the ways I> > > was. I had a ton of anxiety but I realized that I come off> > > way nicer than I think I do. Lesson learned- I can do it and> > > I am not only my anxiety. > > > > > > I had some other thoughts but I realize that as soon as> > > something scary happens I need to let it settle down before> > > making assumptions and decisions. I know that I am going to> > > have to start living to get unstuck. Yes, I followed my> > > values today and brought my anxiety with me. It is better> > > than following my anxiety 'not' bringing my values> > > with me. > > > > > > Sending sunshine. > > > > > > Robyn > > > -------------- Original message ----------------------> > > From: Bruce Carlson <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>> > > > This board has been pretty quiet lately so I thought> > > I'd post something.> > > > > > > > How are people handling fears? I have some specific> > > fears but mostly > > > > it's just general anxiety. I do things that most> > > people would > > > > consider fear-inducing, like public speaking and> > > playing guitar in > > > > front of audiences.> > > > > > > > But I have a heck of a time diffusing or doing> > > anything to reduce my > > > > fear in the gut and restlessness.> > > > > > > > Any comments would be much appreciated.> > > > > > > > Thanks,> > > > Bruce> > > > > > > > > > > >