Acceptance? Are you kidding me?

[Guest guest]

Acceptance. I've worked REALLY hard on this! The area I'm stuck in, is acceptance of my health issues. four yrs. ago I was a healthy, basically happy, mostly adjusted 40 y/o woman. I went to sleep for a routine hysterectomy and woke up with an " uh-oh " seems a nerve was damaged. Since then I've lived with burning pain, spasms, inablity to void on my own, constant-unrelenting pain, having sex is unbearable, the treatment for this is so painful. I have gotten to a point of acceptance of lots of this stuff, it varies from day to day.

The thing that I NEVER get though is when accidents happen. Because I wear a catheter bag I have to dress a certain way to camoflauge that. (Baggy, unfashionable stuff, no jeans) But things happen. Driving down the highway, dressed for a meeting a connector comes apart and urine is spewing all over, I don't get the thing closed right and while walking through the grocery store I feel a warm wetness spreading over me, I took my daughter to a musical last weekend and just after intermission I feel that warm wetness and thank god nobody was sitting on the other side of me cause I have to reach in my pants and find the problem and fix it. By then my pants are wet, my hands, and I just wanted to sob! It was only on the front of me, not on the chair, and I didn't want to make my daughter have to leave. So we stayed, left at curtain call. I tried slow breathing to calm myself, tried to enjoy the moment in spite of sitting in wet pants and wondering if anyone could smell it. I failed miserably with that.

I guess this is ruminating about it. But it's always on my mind, I always have to be on guard and ready for something like that to happen. It's happened a lot of times.

How to chill out and accept a life with constant not-knowing if I'm going to be covered in urine at any moment.

tacy