annoyed at myself - again

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

It has been a while since I posted as I have been doing fairly well

with ACT.

Today however, on NYE at the last minute I have had to bail out of

attending a family NYE cocktail evening due to my usual fears and

anxiety.

My wife and son have now headed off into town and I am alone hating

myself for chosing to stay home for fear of my physical sensations.

I know what I should have done is to act in accordance with my values,

family being a primary one, and just focus on enjoying an evening with

my family. However, my fear of 'drinking too much' and experiencing a

panic attack later or the next day is too much. (Particularly, as my

first panic attack occurred a year ago on New Years Day with my family

after a heavy night drinking.

Additionally, my 'dirty' coping mechanism of anxiety has been to drink

and most times to excess. I positive step for me would have to have

gone with my wife and son to the party but why today I had failed to

act in accordance with my values? If I am looking for excuses, I have

been run down this week over the Christmas period and really haven't

taken much time out for myself, but I am merely looking for excuses.

I apologise for the rant / but I need to vent to someone as my Wife

doesn't truly understand and is disappointed that I couldn't come this

evening. I feel somewhat better now for having made this post - and

perhaps should have done so before deciding NOT to go to the party, as

I feel I now could have overcome my fears if I simply acted in

accordance with my values.

2009 will be a better year for me, I hope.

Thanks for reading / listening and again I apologise for the rant /

venting.

Happy New Year to all, and I wish you all a great 2009.

Cheers,

G.