Re: Biased thinking/Values/Social Anxiety

[Guest guest]

Very interesting, I've always felt this way too & have no answer's so will be reading with interest. I find it's like a state of alert, that the destruct button is ready to be pushed at any second that I notice something negative or threatening which I believe is about to happen.

Debbie

>> I've got a fairly good grasp of the main concepts of ACT now but seem > to be stuck on one issue. > > After practising regular mindfulness I've found that below my surface > thinking is a thinking bias. My core biased thinking is mainly seeing > people as threats and noticing everything around me that could be a > threat (people). Also seeing only the negatives. And constantly > worrying about what I'm doing 'wrong', whether I'm doing > things 'right' etc. No matter how mindful I am of it, it remains. It > leaves me feeling constantly vulnerable in social situations. Which > would be fine, if being sociable and communicating with people wasn't > one of my values. > > So my question is, HOW can I redress this imbalance without doing so > to avoid my negative thinking? I keep searching the ACT book and > mindfulness books for a clue but nowhere does it mention consciously > thinking in a DIFFERENT way or a new way about people or situations. > When I do it consciously and think about it I can manage to think and > feel more positively about people, and this improves my interactions > with them (ie. I'll consciously ask "What do I like about people? > What could be good about this?"). However I get the impression that > consciously choosing to > think in a new way would be going against the ACT principles. It does > say at some point 'do something new when in contact with your > target', but it's not specific. > > So, what do you guys think? How can I follow the ACT principles and > follow my value of communicating with people without the negative > bias against them? It's not so much that I want to avoid my negative > thinking, I guess I just want to follow my value of getting on with > people...which seems to require seeing the good in them rather than > my current biased thinking.>

[Guest guest]

I agree that more needs to be done in this areaNot time this morning to write a bunch (my 3 y old just got up) buta few quick thotsAcceptance and defusion allows you to pivot on the foundation ofshared consciousness to being present, values and action

(my windshield wiper metaphor from several days ago)When you clarify your values, you are learning to think differently,but not in an avoidant way. What would happen to your thinking if you then consistently took

action out of those values of communicating and caring for others?If you value compassion -- this could include consciously trying tosee the world through the eyes of others (etc etc etc).Generic response: try to link new thoughts and actions to the expression of values

instead of the right thoughts first, and values and action second if and only ifthe right thoughts happen- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of Nevada

Reno, NV 89557-0062hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Context Press (you can use for messages): (www.contextpress.com)

If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, go to http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join

orhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join

I've got a fairly good grasp of the main concepts of ACT now but seem

to be stuck on one issue.

After practising regular mindfulness I've found that below my surface

thinking is a thinking bias. My core biased thinking is mainly seeing

people as threats and noticing everything around me that could be a

threat (people). Also seeing only the negatives. And constantly

worrying about what I'm doing 'wrong', whether I'm doing

things 'right' etc. No matter how mindful I am of it, it remains. It

leaves me feeling constantly vulnerable in social situations. Which

would be fine, if being sociable and communicating with people wasn't

one of my values.

So my question is, HOW can I redress this imbalance without doing so

to avoid my negative thinking? I keep searching the ACT book and

mindfulness books for a clue but nowhere does it mention consciously

thinking in a DIFFERENT way or a new way about people or situations.

When I do it consciously and think about it I can manage to think and

feel more positively about people, and this improves my interactions

with them (ie. I'll consciously ask " What do I like about people?

What could be good about this? " ). However I get the impression that

consciously choosing to

think in a new way would be going against the ACT principles. It does

say at some point 'do something new when in contact with your

target', but it's not specific.

So, what do you guys think? How can I follow the ACT principles and

follow my value of communicating with people without the negative

bias against them? It's not so much that I want to avoid my negative

thinking, I guess I just want to follow my value of getting on with

people...which seems to require seeing the good in them rather than

my current biased thinking.

[Guest guest]

This is a good point here. I too need a balance between thinking differently

and acceptance.

One good example of this is my problem with past therpapist who in a strange

sort of way planted memories and thoughts and feelings to my anxiety. I my

anxiety to wrong thoughts and feelings. In some ways I need to accecpt the

feelings and the reason is because they are here and I cannot always control

them. But I think it is very important that I change my thinking about what she

told me. For example. She said that my anxiety had to do with my past child

abuse. I don't think that is true I think it was from a trauma that was

happening at the time I started seeing her. The consequenses of this incorrect

thought was that everytime I would think of my past I would have anxiety, I was

afraid of my memories. And then when I would have anxiety that was more proof

that it was the child abuse. The proof of this (in my mind anyway) is that I

didn't have anxiety when thinking of my childhood until I started seeing her.

I let her for quite a while, define me. So, now I am trying ot get her out of

my head and alot of times I will feel a certain way becuase of her wrong

assesments and I dont' see her anymore. So, my problem is that it feels like

she is inside of me. Even though I don't believe her I still feel like I do and

want to change that. I DO NOT want to keep believing and feeling something that

isn't true. So acceptance is not what I want. but that causes turmoil. Does

this make sense. It occurs to me that maybe the problem is that I got in a

habit of following her values and not mine and difference for me is murky right

now. There is no question anymore that she was wrong in alot of stuff but how

to get past it is the hardest part for me. I cannot accept her assesments. But

I need to accept that it will take time to work through it. I try to just be as

mindful as I can about what is her and what is my values. Sometimes I feel like

I am mad at myself when I didn't do this. I

hope this makes sense, it is so confusing for me sometimes.

Any thoughts?

Thanks so much,

Robyn

-------------- Original message ----------------------

> I agree that more needs to be done in this area

>

> Not time this morning to write a bunch (my 3 y old just got up) but

> a few quick thots

>

> Acceptance and defusion allows you to pivot on the foundation of

> shared consciousness to being present, values and action

> (my windshield wiper metaphor from several days ago)

>

> When you clarify your values, you are learning to think differently,

> but not in an avoidant way.

>

> What would happen to your thinking if you then consistently took

> action out of those values of communicating and caring for others?

> If you value compassion -- this could include consciously trying to

> see the world through the eyes of others (etc etc etc).

>

> Generic response: try to link new thoughts and actions to the expression of

> values

> instead of the right thoughts first, and values and action second if and

> only if

> the right thoughts happen

>

> - S

>

> C.

> Foundation Professor

> Department of Psychology /298

> University of Nevada

> Reno, NV 89557-0062

>

> hayes@... or stevenchayes@...

> Fax:

>

>

> Context Press (you can use for messages): (

> www.contextpress.com)

>

> If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, go to

> http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes

>

> If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide

> ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to

> http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join

> or

> http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/join

>

> If you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get

> Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) go to:

> http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join

>

>

>

>

> > I've got a fairly good grasp of the main concepts of ACT now but seem

> > to be stuck on one issue.

> >

> > After practising regular mindfulness I've found that below my surface

> > thinking is a thinking bias. My core biased thinking is mainly seeing

> > people as threats and noticing everything around me that could be a

> > threat (people). Also seeing only the negatives. And constantly

> > worrying about what I'm doing 'wrong', whether I'm doing

> > things 'right' etc. No matter how mindful I am of it, it remains. It

> > leaves me feeling constantly vulnerable in social situations. Which

> > would be fine, if being sociable and communicating with people wasn't

> > one of my values.

> >

> > So my question is, HOW can I redress this imbalance without doing so

> > to avoid my negative thinking? I keep searching the ACT book and

> > mindfulness books for a clue but nowhere does it mention consciously

> > thinking in a DIFFERENT way or a new way about people or situations.

> > When I do it consciously and think about it I can manage to think and

> > feel more positively about people, and this improves my interactions

> > with them (ie. I'll consciously ask " What do I like about people?

> > What could be good about this? " ). However I get the impression that

> > consciously choosing to

> > think in a new way would be going against the ACT principles. It does

> > say at some point 'do something new when in contact with your

> > target', but it's not specific.

> >

> > So, what do you guys think? How can I follow the ACT principles and

> > follow my value of communicating with people without the negative

> > bias against them? It's not so much that I want to avoid my negative

> > thinking, I guess I just want to follow my value of getting on with

> > people...which seems to require seeing the good in them rather than

> > my current biased thinking.

> >

> >

> >

I agree that more needs to be done in this areaNot time this morning to write a bunch (my 3 y old just got up) buta few quick thotsAcceptance and defusion allows you to pivot on the foundation ofshared consciousness to being present, values and action

(my windshield wiper metaphor from several days ago)When you clarify your values, you are learning to think differently,but not in an avoidant way. What would happen to your thinking if you then consistently took

action out of those values of communicating and caring for others?If you value compassion -- this could include consciously trying tosee the world through the eyes of others (etc etc etc).Generic response: try to link new thoughts and actions to the expression of values

instead of the right thoughts first, and values and action second if and only ifthe right thoughts happen- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of Nevada

Reno, NV 89557-0062hayes@... or stevenchayesgmailFax: Context Press (you can use for messages): (www.contextpress.com)

If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, go to http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join

orhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join

On Mon, Dec 1, 2008 at 1:32 AM, pppboy21 <pppboy21> wrote:

I've got a fairly good grasp of the main concepts of ACT now but seem

to be stuck on one issue.

After practising regular mindfulness I've found that below my surface

thinking is a thinking bias. My core biased thinking is mainly seeing

people as threats and noticing everything around me that could be a

threat (people). Also seeing only the negatives. And constantly

worrying about what I'm doing 'wrong', whether I'm doing

things 'right' etc. No matter how mindful I am of it, it remains. It

leaves me feeling constantly vulnerable in social situations. Which

would be fine, if being sociable and communicating with people wasn't

one of my values.

So my question is, HOW can I redress this imbalance without doing so

to avoid my negative thinking? I keep searching the ACT book and

mindfulness books for a clue but nowhere does it mention consciously

thinking in a DIFFERENT way or a new way about people or situations.

When I do it consciously and think about it I can manage to think and

feel more positively about people, and this improves my interactions

with them (ie. I'll consciously ask " What do I like about people?

What could be good about this? " ). However I get the impression that

consciously choosing to

think in a new way would be going against the ACT principles. It does

say at some point 'do something new when in contact with your

target', but it's not specific.

So, what do you guys think? How can I follow the ACT principles and

follow my value of communicating with people without the negative

bias against them? It's not so much that I want to avoid my negative

thinking, I guess I just want to follow my value of getting on with

people...which seems to require seeing the good in them rather than

my current biased thinking.

[Guest guest]

Robyn, I can put in my two cents worth. I don't want to add to the harm. So please be discriminatory. I am doing my best, though, to help. Your therapist is now made of thought fabrications (thoughts and images). The therapist might never go away. But perhaps we can make the therapist less painful. Let the therapist be. Let the therapist rant and rave. Let the therapist make the assessments. Let the therapist have room. DO NOT FIGHT THE THERAPIST OR THE ASSESSMENTS. As Weekes states, ACCEPT the therapist. FLOAT past the therapist and the assessments. And LET TIME PASS. I think you have an obsession on your hands. I used to have one about breathing. One about swallowing.

Hell! I still have them from time to time. The point is not to struggle. Just LET BE. Let the therapist and the assessments make you miserable.

We have all been miserable. Let the therapist inside your head make you miserable. It's hard. I know. But the therapist and the assessments are now there. So go on! Be miserable for awhile. And it will go away at nature's proper time.

Bill Stickers (my last name is , but Louise renamed me!)

Re: Biased thinking/Values/Social Anxiety

This is a good point here. I too need a balance between thinking differently and acceptance.

One good example of this is my problem with past therpapist who in a strange sort of way planted memories and thoughts and feelings to my anxiety. I my anxiety to wrong thoughts and feelings. In some ways I need to accecpt the feelings and the reason is because they are here and I cannot always control them. But I think it is very important that I change my thinking about what she told me. For example. She said that my anxiety had to do with my past child abuse. I don't think that is true I think it was from a trauma that was happening at the time I started seeing her. The consequenses of this incorrect thought was that everytime I would think of my past I would have anxiety, I was afraid of my memories. And then when I would have anxiety that was more proof that it was the child abuse. The proof of this (in my mind anyway) is that I didn't have anxiety when thinking of my childhood until I started seeing her.

I let her for quite a while, define me. So, now I am trying ot get her out of my head and alot of times I will feel a certain way becuase of her wrong assesments and I dont' see her anymore. So, my problem is that it feels like she is inside of me. Even though I don't believe her I still feel like I do and want to change that. I DO NOT want to keep believing and feeling something that isn't true. So acceptance is not what I want. but that causes turmoil. Does this make sense. It occurs to me that maybe the problem is that I got in a habit of following her values and not mine and difference for me is murky right now. There is no question anymore that she was wrong in alot of stuff but how to get past it is the hardest part for me. I cannot accept her assesments. But I need to accept that it will take time to work through it. I try to just be as mindful as I can about what is her and what is my values. Sometimes I feel like I am mad at myself when I didn't do this. I

hope this makes sense, it is so confusing for me sometimes.

Any thoughts?

Thanks so much,

Robyn

---------

Re: Biased thinking/Values/Social Anxiety

Date:

Mon, 1 Dec 2008 22:04:13 +0000

I agree that more needs to be done in this area

Not time this morning to write a bunch (my 3 y old just got up) but

a few quick thots

Acceptance and defusion allows you to pivot on the foundation of

shared consciousness to being present, values and action

(my windshield wiper metaphor from several days ago)

When you clarify your values, you are learning to think differently,

but not in an avoidant way.

What would happen to your thinking if you then consistently took

action out of those values of communicating and caring for others?

If you value compassion -- this could include consciously trying to

see the world through the eyes of others (etc etc etc).

Generic response: try to link new thoughts and actions to the expression of values

instead of the right thoughts first, and values and action second if and only if

the right thoughts happen

- S

C.

Foundation Professor

Department of Psychology /298

University of Nevada

Reno, NV 89557-0062

hayes@... or stevenchayesgmail

Fax:

Context Press (you can use for messages): (www.contextpress.com)

If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, go to http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes

If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join

or

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/join

If you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join

On Mon, Dec 1, 2008 at 1:32 AM, pppboy21 <pppboy21> wrote:

I've got a fairly good grasp of the main concepts of ACT now but seem

to be stuck on one issue.

After practising regular mindfulness I've found that below my surface

thinking is a thinking bias. My core biased thinking is mainly seeing

people as threats and noticing everything around me that could be a

threat (people). Also seeing only the negatives. And constantly

worrying about what I'm doing 'wrong', whether I'm doing

things 'right' etc. No matter how mindful I am of it, it remains. It

leaves me feeling constantly vulnerable in social situations. Which

would be fine, if being sociable and communicating with people wasn't

one of my values.

So my question is, HOW can I redress this imbalance without doing so

to avoid my negative thinking? I keep searching the ACT book and

mindfulness books for a clue but nowhere does it mention consciously

thinking in a DIFFERENT way or a new way about people or situations.

When I do it consciously and think about it I can manage to think and

feel more positively about people, and this improves my interactions

with them (ie. I'll consciously ask "What do I like about people?

What could be good about this?"). However I get the impression that

consciously choosing to

think in a new way would be going against the ACT principles. It does

say at some point 'do something new when in contact with your

target', but it's not specific.

So, what do you guys think? How can I follow the ACT principles and

follow my value of communicating with people without the negative

bias against them? It's not so much that I want to avoid my negative

thinking, I guess I just want to follow my value of getting on with

people...which seems to require seeing the good in them rather than

my current biased thinking.

Tis the season to save your money! Get the new AOL Holiday Toolbar for money saving offers and gift ideas.

[Guest guest]

Hi Robyn,

So we have two competing explanations for how your

anxiety 'developed.' The first explanation is child abuse. The

second explanation is events that happened during the therapy

period.

The therapist entrenched the first explanation in your mind, which

caused you to fear your memories, which caused you to experience more

anxiety, which further entrenched the first explanation in your mind,

and so on.

On a rational level, you've managed to prove to yourself that the

first explanation is wrong. But you haven't been able to get to a

point where you FEEL confident and comfortable in rejecting it.

When you say to yourself " The therapist is wrong, my anxiety was not

caused by my child abuse " , you don't feel confidence or comfort. You

don't feel relief. You feel a measure of fear, anxiety, uncertainty,

weakness, and so on. Right?

You want to be able to say " My anxiety was not caused by my child

abuse " and you want your emotional reaction to be " Exactly!

Obviously! Geez, I can't believe I ever even took that therapist's

bullshit seriously! LOL! "

The classical response here is for you to try think harder and

tighter about the matter, to try to use RATIONAL force to get your

mind EMOTIONALLY comfortable and confident with the fact that your

anxiety was definitely NOT caused by child abuse.

I recommend you try the classical response just to see if it works.

If it works, then go with it.

But if it doesn't work, then...

Instead of trying to change the feelings of anxiety and uncertainty

and doubt that you experience when you engage with this topic, accept

them. Don't accept them as what they claim to be, accept as what

they are. They are feelings that get triggered when you engage with

the question " What caused my anxiety? " . That's what they are. They

don't have to be anything more than that.

From there, put the question down. Let it go. You've fought with it

enough. Nothing more is going to be gained by more fighting.

When you put the question down, your mind is going to tell you a lot

of different things about why shouldn't put it down. Put those

things down to. Put everything down, include the reverberations and

responses and rejoinders.

You don't have to engage with any of it to move forward. In fact,

trying to engage with it, trying to 'figure it all out', so that you

can finally put it all to rest, is exactly what keeps it from being

put to rest.

> >

> > > I've got a fairly good grasp of the main concepts of ACT now

but seem

> > > to be stuck on one issue.

> > >

> > > After practising regular mindfulness I've found that below my

surface

> > > thinking is a thinking bias. My core biased thinking is mainly

seeing

> > > people as threats and noticing everything around me that could

be a

> > > threat (people). Also seeing only the negatives. And constantly

> > > worrying about what I'm doing 'wrong', whether I'm doing

> > > things 'right' etc. No matter how mindful I am of it, it

remains. It

> > > leaves me feeling constantly vulnerable in social situations.

Which

> > > would be fine, if being sociable and communicating with people

wasn't

> > > one of my values.

> > >

> > > So my question is, HOW can I redress this imbalance without

doing so

> > > to avoid my negative thinking? I keep searching the ACT book and

> > > mindfulness books for a clue but nowhere does it mention

consciously

> > > thinking in a DIFFERENT way or a new way about people or

situations.

> > > When I do it consciously and think about it I can manage to

think and

> > > feel more positively about people, and this improves my

interactions

> > > with them (ie. I'll consciously ask " What do I like about

people?

> > > What could be good about this? " ). However I get the impression

that

> > > consciously choosing to

> > > think in a new way would be going against the ACT principles.

It does

> > > say at some point 'do something new when in contact with your

> > > target', but it's not specific.

> > >

> > > So, what do you guys think? How can I follow the ACT principles

and

> > > follow my value of communicating with people without the

negative

> > > bias against them? It's not so much that I want to avoid my

negative

> > > thinking, I guess I just want to follow my value of getting on

with

> > > people...which seems to require seeing the good in them rather

than

> > > my current biased thinking.

> > >

> > >

> > >

>

[Guest guest]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm extremely paranoid and see most

people as threats too. What I do is defuse my paranoid thinking. For

example I say to myself, " I'm having the thought that they're talking

about me.

I might have to do this for about five minutes before I even get

around the target people. I keep this diffusion technique up as long

as possible. What usually happens is I tend to forget about the

negative thoughts for awhile. I then make a conscious effort to

perform committed actions that move me toward my socializing values.

I've also come to accept the fact that some people are threats. But

one of my committed actions/values is setting up boundaries. So I

treat people accordingly.

>

> I've got a fairly good grasp of the main concepts of ACT now but seem

> to be stuck on one issue.

>

> After practising regular mindfulness I've found that below my surface

> thinking is a thinking bias. My core biased thinking is mainly seeing

> people as threats and noticing everything around me that could be a

> threat (people). Also seeing only the negatives. And constantly

> worrying about what I'm doing 'wrong', whether I'm doing

> things 'right' etc. No matter how mindful I am of it, it remains. It

> leaves me feeling constantly vulnerable in social situations. Which

> would be fine, if being sociable and communicating with people wasn't

> one of my values.

>

> So my question is, HOW can I redress this imbalance without doing so

> to avoid my negative thinking? I keep searching the ACT book and

> mindfulness books for a clue but nowhere does it mention consciously

> thinking in a DIFFERENT way or a new way about people or situations.

> When I do it consciously and think about it I can manage to think and

> feel more positively about people, and this improves my interactions

> with them (ie. I'll consciously ask " What do I like about people?

> What could be good about this? " ). However I get the impression that

> consciously choosing to

> think in a new way would be going against the ACT principles. It does

> say at some point 'do something new when in contact with your

> target', but it's not specific.

>

> So, what do you guys think? How can I follow the ACT principles and

> follow my value of communicating with people without the negative

> bias against them? It's not so much that I want to avoid my negative

> thinking, I guess I just want to follow my value of getting on with

> people...which seems to require seeing the good in them rather than

> my current biased thinking.

>

[Guest guest]

HI,

, as usual, you described what I am going through perfectly. There is

an author. Cheri Huber She has several books and ont of them is called. " That

Which You Are Seeking Is Causing You to Seek " I actually recommend them to

anyone that is learning Zen Mindfulness. Or another Title, " When your falling

dive " This is very helpful. I know that fight is what keeps this going.

Thanks again, .

-------------- Original message ----------------------

> Hi Robyn,

>

> So we have two competing explanations for how your

> anxiety 'developed.' The first explanation is child abuse. The

> second explanation is events that happened during the therapy

> period.

>

> The therapist entrenched the first explanation in your mind, which

> caused you to fear your memories, which caused you to experience more

> anxiety, which further entrenched the first explanation in your mind,

> and so on.

>

> On a rational level, you've managed to prove to yourself that the

> first explanation is wrong. But you haven't been able to get to a

> point where you FEEL confident and comfortable in rejecting it.

>

> When you say to yourself " The therapist is wrong, my anxiety was not

> caused by my child abuse " , you don't feel confidence or comfort. You

> don't feel relief. You feel a measure of fear, anxiety, uncertainty,

> weakness, and so on. Right?

>

> You want to be able to say " My anxiety was not caused by my child

> abuse " and you want your emotional reaction to be " Exactly!

> Obviously! Geez, I can't believe I ever even took that therapist's

> bullshit seriously! LOL! "

>

> The classical response here is for you to try think harder and

> tighter about the matter, to try to use RATIONAL force to get your

> mind EMOTIONALLY comfortable and confident with the fact that your

> anxiety was definitely NOT caused by child abuse.

>

> I recommend you try the classical response just to see if it works.

> If it works, then go with it.

>

> But if it doesn't work, then...

>

> Instead of trying to change the feelings of anxiety and uncertainty

> and doubt that you experience when you engage with this topic, accept

> them. Don't accept them as what they claim to be, accept as what

> they are. They are feelings that get triggered when you engage with

> the question " What caused my anxiety? " . That's what they are. They

> don't have to be anything more than that.

>

> From there, put the question down. Let it go. You've fought with it

> enough. Nothing more is going to be gained by more fighting.

>

> When you put the question down, your mind is going to tell you a lot

> of different things about why shouldn't put it down. Put those

> things down to. Put everything down, include the reverberations and

> responses and rejoinders.

>

> You don't have to engage with any of it to move forward. In fact,

> trying to engage with it, trying to 'figure it all out', so that you

> can finally put it all to rest, is exactly what keeps it from being

> put to rest.

>

>

> >

> > > I've got a fairly good grasp of the main concepts of ACT now

but seem

> > > to be stuck on one issue.

> > >

> > > After practising regular mindfulness I've found that below my

surface

> > > thinking is a thinking bias. My core biased thinking is mainly

seeing

> > > people as threats and noticing everything around me that could

be a

> > > threat (people). Also seeing only the negatives. And constantly

> > > worrying about what I'm doing 'wrong', whether I'm doing

> > > things 'right' etc. No matter how mindful I am of it, it

remains. It

> > > leaves me feeling constantly vulnerable in social situations.

Which

> > > would be fine, if being sociable and communicating with people

wasn't

> > > one of my values.

> > >

> > > So my question is, HOW can I redress this imbalance without

doing so

> > > to avoid my negative thinking? I keep searching the ACT book and

> > > mindfulness books for a clue but nowhere does it mention

consciously

> > > thinking in a DIFFERENT way or a new way about people or

situations.

> > > When I do it consciously and think about it I can manage to

think and

> > > feel more positively about people, and this improves my

interactions

> > > with them (ie. I'll consciously ask " What do I like about

people?

> > > What could be good about this? " ). However I get the impression

that

> > > consciously choosing to

> > > think in a new way would be going against the ACT principles.

It does

> > > say at some point 'do something new when in contact with your

> > > target', but it's not specific.

> > >

> > > So, what do you guys think? How can I follow the ACT principles

and

> > > follow my value of communicating with people without the

negative

> > > bias against them? It's not so much that I want to avoid my

negative

> > > thinking, I guess I just want to follow my value of getting on

with

> > > people...which seems to require seeing the good in them rather

than

> > > my current biased thinking.

> > >

> > >

> > >

>

[Guest guest]

I agree that taking action consistent with values would teach a new

way of thinking. I know of someone who had social anxiety disorder

and for him it's no longer an issue, when I mentioned ACT to him he

said ACT does teach a new way to think (by focusing on what we want

out of our lives) but the value of this process is inaquequately

explained. It also reminds me of the saying " Focus on what you want

to move towards, not on what you want to avoid " . In a way I see it as

simply adding to my life above everything that is already in my mind.

I don't feel any need to change what's already there but I do feel

the need to move forward.

>

> > I've got a fairly good grasp of the main concepts of ACT now

but seem

> > to be stuck on one issue.

> >

> > After practising regular mindfulness I've found that below my

surface

> > thinking is a thinking bias. My core biased thinking is mainly

seeing

> > people as threats and noticing everything around me that could be

a

> > threat (people). Also seeing only the negatives. And constantly

> > worrying about what I'm doing 'wrong', whether I'm doing

> > things 'right' etc. No matter how mindful I am of it, it remains.

It

> > leaves me feeling constantly vulnerable in social situations.

Which

> > would be fine, if being sociable and communicating with people

wasn't

> > one of my values.

> >

> > So my question is, HOW can I redress this imbalance without doing

so

> > to avoid my negative thinking? I keep searching the ACT book and

> > mindfulness books for a clue but nowhere does it mention

consciously

> > thinking in a DIFFERENT way or a new way about people or

situations.

> > When I do it consciously and think about it I can manage to think

and

> > feel more positively about people, and this improves my

interactions

> > with them (ie. I'll consciously ask " What do I like about people?

> > What could be good about this? " ). However I get the impression

that

> > consciously choosing to

> > think in a new way would be going against the ACT principles. It

does

> > say at some point 'do something new when in contact with your

> > target', but it's not specific.

> >

> > So, what do you guys think? How can I follow the ACT principles

and

> > follow my value of communicating with people without the negative

> > bias against them? It's not so much that I want to avoid my

negative

> > thinking, I guess I just want to follow my value of getting on

with

> > people...which seems to require seeing the good in them rather

than

> > my current biased thinking.

> >

> >

> >

>