Guest guest Posted December 8, 2008 Report Share Posted December 8, 2008 Hi Birgit, Thank you. You are right. I need ACT for this. I find myself wanting to avoid feeling nervous, hurting, making others feel bad, looking stupid and so on. You know this may be good for me and may help me with my avoidance stuff. I also forgot how much people used to like me. I hope that doesn't sound conceded. Please believe me I haven't felt that way in a long time. So many people now days move so fast!! I think that is what freaked me out. All my relationships in the past were from best friends first. Now days things are different. Plus when I was dating when I was young there was no AIDs and not nearly as many STDs. Sorry, not that I am looking for that but the dating scene is filled with some non desirable people, I have found that I have to protect myself. I had no problem doing that when I was young. I had no problem telling people no. So why do I have issues now? In a way this is hopefully going to be some good learning for me. Thanks for your response. Hope that wasn't too much information. Robyn -------------- Original message ---------------------- > Hi Robyn, > > I can undertand how you feel. It is quite daunting to start dating > again. > I don't think that getting a book is a bad idea, it might give you a > few tips. > My advice, for what it's worth, is to try and use ACT by allowing > yourself to be nervous and unsure and still meet men. > You don't have to approach it with the intention of entering another > serious relationship, just meet this guy and have some fun. > Feel the way you do (and will) during the 'date' but give it a shot. > > I think it's a good opportunity to put the ACT principles into use. > It's totally understandable that you feel the way you do but the only > way through this is to do it!! > > Good luck. > > Birgit > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who to ask about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been talking and I have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I was married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men friends over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. But didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time ago. > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot. I don't know how to deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into dating, especially with my issues. This person I met seems really nice. He completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how to act or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get back into the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I have learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I don't ever see myself married again. Because it will take me years to trust someone that much. > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I don't know what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and I don't know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick flicks and that is not a good place to get my information on dating again. LOL > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the ACT topic. But maybe not. > > Robyn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2008 Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 Thanks for all your replies. Also, what a great story. It makes me know that it takes alot of work to be intimate. I don't know if I am up for it. But I am willing to see. I just see how different things are now. I also don't understand these men that are so pushy. It seem like there are alot of them out there. Thanks again. You know I really just want to know that there are good guys out there. After my horrible experience. Robyn -------------- Original message ---------------------- > If your up to it try dancing i.e, ballrooom, jive, rock amd roll, > etc. Meeting people is easy, much better than a dating club. If your > shy like me when you first go it can be terrifying. Doing everthing > wrong with two left feet I just persevered and after a month or so I > didn't look so stupid. > > I had become pretty isolated and so the next difficult stage was > being with people again. In my isolation I had the untested view that > I was special in some way and it it took some getting used to that > most people didn't think so. I chased lots of girls and was rejected > by most of them. Gaining your confidence is hard work and comes > slowly, but there is no other way but getting in there - you have to > face the music. > > Kavy > > > > > > > > > > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who > to ask > > > > about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been > talking and I > > > > have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I > was > > > > married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men > friends > > > > over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some > > > > attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. > But > > > > didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time > ago. > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot. I don't know > how to > > > > deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into dating, > > > > especially with my issues. This person I met seems really > nice. He > > > > completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how > to act > > > > or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get > back into > > > > the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I > have > > > > learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I don't > ever > > > > see myself married again. Because it will take me years to > trust > > > > someone that much. > > > > > > > > > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I > don't know > > > > what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and > I don't > > > > know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick > flicks > > > > and that is not a good place to get my information on dating > again. > > > > LOL > > > > > > > > > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the > ACT > > > > topic. But maybe not. > > > > > > > > > > Robyn > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2008 Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 Yes.....There are lots of good people out there both men and women.....Most of the easy matches have been already matched....the rest of good people in, or have been in, tough situations need extremely careful approach......but it is work that must be done if this is an important value........like any other value, there is hard work and sacrifices/pain to accomplish it! But a value miles away begins with one small action ( paraphrasing known saying ) I To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 3:23:17 PMSubject: Re: Re: The Opposite Sex. Thanks for all your replies. Also, what a great story. It makes me know that it takes alot of work to be intimate. I don't know if I am up for it. But I am willing to see. I just see how different things are now. I also don't understand these men that are so pushy. It seem like there are alot of them out there. Thanks again. You know I really just want to know that there are good guys out there. After my horrible experience. Robyn ------------ -- Original message ------------ --------- -From: "kavyvinson" <kavyvinsonyahoo (DOT) com>> If your up to it try dancing i.e, ballrooom, jive, rock amd roll, > etc. Meeting people is easy, much better than a dating club. If your > shy like me when you first go it can be terrifying. Doing everthing > wrong with two left feet I just persevered and after a month or so I > didn't look so stupid. > > I had become pretty isolated and so the next difficult stage was > being with people again. In my isolation I had the untested view that > I was special in some way and it it took some getting used to that > most people didn't think so. I chased lots of girls and was rejected > by most of them. Gaining your confidence is hard work and comes > slowly, but there is no other way but getting in there - you have to > face the music. > > Kavy > > > > > > > >> > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who > to ask > > > > about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been > talking and I > > > > have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I > was > > > > married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men > friends > > > > over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some > > > > attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. > But > > > > didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time > ago. > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot. I don't know > how to > > > > deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into dating, > > > > especially with my issues. This person I met seems really > nice. He > > > > completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how > to act > > > > or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get > back into > > > > the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I > have > > > > learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I don't > ever > > > > see myself married again. Because it will take me years to > trust > > > > someone that much. > > > > > > > > > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I > don't know > > > > what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and > I don't > > > > know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick > flicks > > > > and that is not a good place to get my information on dating > again. > > > > LOL > > > > > > > > > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the > ACT > > > > topic. But maybe not. > > > > > > > > > > Robyn> > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > >> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2008 Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 For three years in my late twenties, I tried the blind-dating scene. This was over 14 years ago, before the internet, as we know it, existed. I joined a dating agency, and also a dinner-for-six club, (where six singles would meet for dinner). I went in with the attitude I’d probably have to meet about 100 people before I would find one that I could have a relationship with, and that certainly helped. I also went with the attitude, let’s make this primarily about social connection, and learning about what makes my fellow humans tick, rather than purely focussing on finding a partner. That also helped enormously. I had to defuse from all sorts of unhelpful thoughts: “It’s a waste of time” “I’ll never meet anyone” “If I do meet someone I like, they won’t like me” “Dating agencies are full of rejects and losers and weirdos” etc. And I had to make room for lots and lots of anxiety. And over the space of those three years, I met all sorts of people – fascinating and boring, warm and cold, pushy and passive, funny and serious, obese and skinny, confident and insecure, sociable and anti-social, generous and miserly. But because I was more motivated by the values of social interaction, and learning about my fellow human beings, rather than purely focussing on the goal of finding a partner, I had a lot of fun in the process. And this lead to a few short-term relationships, too. Nothing long-lasting. I eventually met my wife in a different context altogether – when I took a year off from my medical practice to go to film school and make movies! But if I hadn’t met my wife, I’d have kept on doing the blind-dating thing. And if we ever split up (God forbid) , I’d do it again, no hesitation. (A funny story – in those days there was a magazine called ‘Single Life’ where you could post adverts about yourself to attract partners. I was somewhat cynical about the overwhelmingly positive self-descriptions in these adverts: e.g. “I am a dental nurse. I am slim, attractive, and I have gorgeous blue eyes. I am very fit and healthy, generous and kind, etc etc” So I wrote my own advert in a somewhat mocking manner: “I am a human being, and I have a body which I use very day to do all sorts of interesting things. I have a mouth, and two eyes, and a nose in between my ears.” Unfortunately, the printers made a printing mistake – and to this day I wonder if it was intentional - so that that last line read “ I have a mouth, and two eyes, and a nose in between my legs.” Much to my surprise, even with that mistake, I still got 3 replies to my advert!) Good luck with it all, Cheers, Russ Russ PO Box 5079 Alphington, Vic 3058 www.thehappinesstrap.com www.actmindfully.com.au From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of Ibrahim Habib Sent: Thursday, 11 December 2008 10:53 AM To: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: Re: Re: The Opposite Sex. Yes.....There are lots of good people out there both men and women.....Most of the easy matches have been already matched....the rest of good people in, or have been in, tough situations need extremely careful approach......but it is work that must be done if this is an important value........like any other value, there is hard work and sacrifices/pain to accomplish it! But a value miles away begins with one small action ( paraphrasing known saying ) I From: " robynabc@... " To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 3:23:17 PM Subject: Re: Re: The Opposite Sex. Thanks for all your replies. Also, what a great story. It makes me know that it takes alot of work to be intimate. I don't know if I am up for it. But I am willing to see. I just see how different things are now. I also don't understand these men that are so pushy. It seem like there are alot of them out there. Thanks again. You know I really just want to know that there are good guys out there. After my horrible experience. Robyn ------------ -- Original message ------------ --------- - From: " kavyvinson " <kavyvinsonyahoo (DOT) com> > If your up to it try dancing i.e, ballrooom, jive, rock amd roll, > etc. Meeting people is easy, much better than a dating club. If your > shy like me when you first go it can be terrifying. Doing everthing > wrong with two left feet I just persevered and after a month or so I > didn't look so stupid. > > I had become pretty isolated and so the next difficult stage was > being with people again. In my isolation I had the untested view that > I was special in some way and it it took some getting used to that > most people didn't think so. I chased lots of girls and was rejected > by most of them. Gaining your confidence is hard work and comes > slowly, but there is no other way but getting in there - you have to > face the music. > > Kavy > > > > > > > > > > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who > to ask > > > > about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been > talking and I > > > > have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I > was > > > > married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men > friends > > > > over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some > > > > attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. > But > > > > didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time > ago. > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot. I don't know > how to > > > > deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into dating, > > > > especially with my issues. This person I met seems really > nice. He > > > > completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how > to act > > > > or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get > back into > > > > the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I > have > > > > learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I don't > ever > > > > see myself married again. Because it will take me years to > trust > > > > someone that much. > > > > > > > > > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I > don't know > > > > what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and > I don't > > > > know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick > flicks > > > > and that is not a good place to get my information on dating > again. > > > > LOL > > > > > > > > > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the > ACT > > > > topic. But maybe not. > > > > > > > > > > Robyn > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2008 Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 Hi, Still laughing about mistake. LOL. Thank you for your open story. This is all helping me and others I suspect. I know this will be a very big growth experience for me. Just the fact that I have room in my head to consider this is a big step. I can't even imagine marraige and I don't want to. But to just meet people is going to be good for me. Kind Regards. Robyn --------- Re: Re: The Opposite Sex. > > Thanks for all your replies. Also, what a great story. It makes me know that > it takes alot of work to be intimate. I don't know if I am up for it. But I > am willing to see. I just see how different things are now. I also don't > understand these men that are so pushy. It seem like there are alot of them > out there. Thanks again. You know I really just want to know that there are > good guys out there. After my horrible experience. > > Robyn > ------------ -- Original message ------------ --------- - > From: " kavyvinson " <kavyvinsonyahoo (DOT) com <mailto:kavyvinson%40yahoo.com> > > > If your up to it try dancing i.e, ballrooom, jive, rock amd roll, > > etc. Meeting people is easy, much better than a dating club. If your > > shy like me when you first go it can be terrifying. Doing everthing > > wrong with two left feet I just persevered and after a month or so I > > didn't look so stupid. > > > > I had become pretty isolated and so the next difficult stage was > > being with people again. In my isolation I had the untested view that > > I was special in some way and it it took some getting used to that > > most people didn't think so. I chased lots of girls and was rejected > > by most of them. Gaining your confidence is hard work and comes > > slowly, but there is no other way but getting in there - you have to > > face the music. > > > > Kavy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who > to ask > > > > about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been > talking and I > > > > have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I > was > > > > married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men > friends > > > > over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some > > > > attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. > But > > > > didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time > ago. > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot. I don't know > how to > > > > deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into dating, > > > > especially with my issues. This person I met seems really > nice. He > > > > completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how > to act > > > > or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get > back into > > > > the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I > have > > > > learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I don't > ever > > > > see myself married again. Because it will take me years to > trust > > > > someone that much. > > > > > > > > > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I > don't know > > > > what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and > I don't > > > > know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick > flicks > > > > and that is not a good place to get my information on dating > again. > > > > LOL > > > > > > > > > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the > ACT > > > > topic. But maybe not. > > > > > > > > > > Robyn > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008 Russ, I felt really depressed today but that last line has just cracked me up! You've brightened the day. Thanks for sharing! Simone To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Thursday, 11 December, 2008 0:28:01Subject: RE: Re: The Opposite Sex. For three years in my late twenties, I tried the blind-dating scene. This was over 14 years ago, before the internet, as we know it, existed. I joined a dating agency, and also a dinner-for-six club, (where six singles would meet for dinner). I went in with the attitude I’d probably have to meet about 100 people before I would find one that I could have a relationship with, and that certainly helped. I also went with the attitude, let’s make this primarily about social connection, and learning about what makes my fellow humans tick, rather than purely focussing on finding a partner. That also helped enormously. I had to defuse from all sorts of unhelpful thoughts: “It’s a waste of time†“I’ll never meet anyone†“If I do meet someone I like, they won’t like me†“Dating agencies are full of rejects and losers and weirdos†etc. And I had to make room for lots and lots of anxiety. And over the space of those three years, I met all sorts of people – fascinating and boring, warm and cold, pushy and passive, funny and serious, obese and skinny, confident and insecure, sociable and anti-social, generous and miserly. But because I was more motivated by the values of social interaction, and learning about my fellow human beings, rather than purely focussing on the goal of finding a partner, I had a lot of fun in the process. And this lead to a few short-term relationships, too. Nothing long-lasting. I eventually met my wife in a different context altogether – when I took a year off from my medical practice to go to film school and make movies! But if I hadn’t met my wife, I’d have kept on doing the blind-dating thing. And if we ever split up (God forbid) , I’d do it again, no hesitation. (A funny story – in those days there was a magazine called ‘Single Life’ where you could post adverts about yourself to attract partners. I was somewhat cynical about the overwhelmingly positive self-descriptions in these adverts: e.g. “I am a dental nurse. I am slim, attractive, and I have gorgeous blue eyes. I am very fit and healthy, generous and kind, etc etc†So I wrote my own advert in a somewhat mocking manner: “I am a human being, and I have a body which I use very day to do all sorts of interesting things. I have a mouth, and two eyes, and a nose in between my ears.†Unfortunately, the printers made a printing mistake – and to this day I wonder if it was intentional - so that that last line read “ I have a mouth, and two eyes, and a nose in between my legs.†Much to my surprise, even with that mistake, I still got 3 replies to my advert!) Good luck with it all, Cheers, Russ Russ PO Box 5079 Alphington, Vic 3058 www.thehappinesstra p.com www.actmindfully. com.au From: ACT_for_the_ Public@yahoogrou ps.com [mailto:ACT_ for_the_Public@ yahoogroups. com] On Behalf Of Ibrahim HabibSent: Thursday, 11 December 2008 10:53 AMTo: ACT_for_the_ Public@yahoogrou ps.comSubject: Re: [ACT_for_the_ Public] Re: The Opposite Sex. Yes.....There are lots of good people out there both men and women.....Most of the easy matches have been already matched....the rest of good people in, or have been in, tough situations need extremely careful approach.... ..but it is work that must be done if this is an important value....... .like any other value, there is hard work and sacrifices/pain to accomplish it! But a value miles away begins with one small action ( paraphrasing known saying ) I From: "robynabccomcast (DOT) net" <robynabccomcast (DOT) net>To: ACT_for_the_ Public@yahoogrou ps.comSent: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 3:23:17 PMSubject: Re: [ACT_for_the_ Public] Re: The Opposite Sex. Thanks for all your replies. Also, what a great story. It makes me know that it takes alot of work to be intimate. I don't know if I am up for it. But I am willing to see. I just see how different things are now. I also don't understand these men that are so pushy. It seem like there are alot of them out there. Thanks again. You know I really just want to know that there are good guys out there. After my horrible experience. Robyn ------------ -- Original message ------------ --------- -From: "kavyvinson" <kavyvinsonyahoo (DOT) com>> If your up to it try dancing i.e, ballrooom, jive, rock amd roll, > etc. Meeting people is easy, much better than a dating club. If your > shy like me when you first go it can be terrifying. Doing everthing > wrong with two left feet I just persevered and after a month or so I > didn't look so stupid. > > I had become pretty isolated and so the next difficult stage was > being with people again. In my isolation I had the untested view that > I was special in some way and it it took some getting used to that > most people didn't think so. I chased lots of girls and was rejected > by most of them. Gaining your confidence is hard work and comes > slowly, but there is no other way but getting in there - you have to > face the music. > > Kavy > > > > > > > >> > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who > to ask > > > > about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been > talking and I > > > > have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I > was > > > > married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men > friends > > > > over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some > > > > attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. > But > > > > didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time > ago. > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot. I don't know > how to > > > > deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into dating, > > > > especially with my issues. This person I met seems really > nice. He > > > > completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how > to act > > > > or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get > back into > > > > the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I > have > > > > learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I don't > ever > > > > see myself married again. Because it will take me years to > trust > > > > someone that much. > > > > > > > > > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I > don't know > > > > what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and > I don't > > > > know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick > flicks > > > > and that is not a good place to get my information on dating > again. > > > > LOL > > > > > > > > > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the > ACT > > > > topic. But maybe not. > > > > > > > > > > Robyn> > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > >> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008  Hahahahaha!! Maybe Russ got those responses BECAUSE of that mistake!Too funny!Helena Re: [ACT_for_the_ Public] Re: The Opposite Sex. Thanks for all your replies. Also, what a great story. It makes me know that it takes alot of work to be intimate. I don't know if I am up for it. But I am willing to see. I just see how different things are now. I also don't understand these men that are so pushy. It seem like there are alot of them out there. Thanks again. You know I really just want to know that there are good guys out there. After my horrible experience. Robyn ------------ -- Original message ------------ --------- -From: "kavyvinson" <kavyvinsonyahoo (DOT) com>> If your up to it try dancing i.e, ballrooom, jive, rock amd roll, > etc. Meeting people is easy, much better than a dating club. If your > shy like me when you first go it can be terrifying. Doing everthing > wrong with two left feet I just persevered and after a month or so I > didn't look so stupid. > > I had become pretty isolated and so the next difficult stage was > being with people again. In my isolation I had the untested view that > I was special in some way and it it took some getting used to that > most people didn't think so. I chased lots of girls and was rejected > by most of them. Gaining your confidence is hard work and comes > slowly, but there is no other way but getting in there - you have to > face the music. > > Kavy > > > > > > > >> > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who > to ask > > > > about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been > talking and I > > > > have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I > was > > > > married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men > friends > > > > over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some > > > > attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. > But > > > > didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time > ago. > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot. I don't know > how to > > > > deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into dating, > > > > especially with my issues. This person I met seems really > nice. He > > > > completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how > to act > > > > or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get > back into > > > > the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I > have > > > > learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I don't > ever > > > > see myself married again. Because it will take me years to > trust > > > > someone that much. > > > > > > > > > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I > don't know > > > > what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and > I don't > > > > know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick > flicks > > > > and that is not a good place to get my information on dating > again. > > > > LOL > > > > > > > > > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the > ACT > > > > topic. But maybe not. > > > > > > > > > > Robyn> > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > >> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008 I have only one word in regards to relations with the opposite sex. RUN! Bill (Bill Stickers) Van Nuys, California RE: Re: The Opposite Sex. Hi, Still laughing about mistake. LOL. Thank you for your open story. This is all helping me and others I suspect. I know this will be a very big growth experience for me. Just the fact that I have room in my head to consider this is a big step. I can't even imagine marraige and I don't want to. But to just meet people is going to be good for me. Kind Regards. Robyn --------- Re: Re: The Opposite Sex. > > Thanks for all your replies. Also, what a great story. It makes me know that > it takes alot of work to be intimate. I don't know if I am up for it. But I > am willing to see. I just see how different things are now. I also don't > understand these men that are so pushy. It seem like there are alot of them > out there. Thanks again. You know I really just want to know that there are > good guys out there. After my horrible experience. gt; > Robyn > ------------ -- Original message ------------ --------- - > From: "kavyvinson" <kavyvinsonyahoo (DOT) com <mailto:kavyvinson%40yahoo.com> > > > If your up to it try dancing i.e, ballrooom, jive, rock amd roll, > > etc. Meeting people is easy, much better than a dating club. If your > > shy like me when you first go it can be terrifying. Doing everthing > > wrong with two left feet I just pers evered and after a month or so I > > didn't look so stupid. > > > > I had become pretty isolated and so the next difficult stage was > > being with people again. In my isolation I had the untested view that > > I was special in some way and it it took some getting used to that > > most people didn't think so. I chased lots of girls and was rejected > > by most of them. Gaining your confidence is hard work and comes > > slowly, but there is no other way but getting in there - you have to > > face the music. > > > > Kavy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who > to ask > > > > about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been > talking and I > > > > have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I > was > > > > married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men > friends > > > > over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some > > > > attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. > But > > > > didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time > ago. > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot.=2 0I don't know > how to > > > > deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into dating, > > > > especially with my issues. This person I met seems really > nice. He > > > > completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how > to act > > > > or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get > back into > > > > the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I > have > > > > learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I don't > ever > > > > see myself married again. Because it will take me years to > trust > > > > someone that much. > > > > > > > > > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I > don't know > > > > what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and > I don't > > > > know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick > flicks > > > > and that is not a good place to get my information on dating > again. > > > > LOL > > > > > > > > > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the > ACT > > > > topic. But maybe not. > > > > > > > > > > Robyn > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Listen to 350+ music, sports, news radio stations including songs for the holidays FREE while you browse. Start Listening Now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2008 Report Share Posted December 12, 2008 Thank you for that advice. Robyn -------------- Original message ---------------------- > It did and does take a lot of work to be intimate. A lot of work, > pain, and crying. It makes me wonder if it is all worth it. Then I > imagine what the last nine years of my life would have been like if I > had just thrown in the towel and said it was too much for me to > handle. Believe me it is worth it. There are a lot of nice guys out > there. It is just sometimes were a little shy. Look for the quiet ones > and you'll never go back. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who > > > to ask > > > > > > about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been > > > talking and I > > > > > > have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I > > > was > > > > > > married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men > > > friends > > > > > > over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some > > > > > > attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. > > > But > > > > > > didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time > > > ago. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot. I don't > > know > > > how to > > > > > > deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into > > dating, > > > > > > especially with my issues. This person I met seems really > > > nice. He > > > > > > completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how > > > to act > > > > > > or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get > > > back into > > > > > > the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I > > > have > > > > > > learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I > > don't > > > ever > > > > > > see myself married again. Because it will take me years to > > > trust > > > > > > someone that much. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I > > > don't know > > > > > > what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and > > > I don't > > > > > > know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick > > > flicks > > > > > > and that is not a good place to get my information on dating > > > again. > > > > > > LOL > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the > > > ACT > > > > > > topic. But maybe not. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Robyn > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2008 Report Share Posted December 12, 2008 Well DUH! Bill (Bill Stickers) Van Nuys, California Re: Re: The Opposite Sex. Thank you for that advice. Robyn -------------- Original message ---------------------- From: "darkestjourney" <rageforthemachineearthlink (DOT) net> > It did and does take a lot of work to be intimate. A lot of work, > pain, and crying. It makes me wonder if it is all worth it. Then I > imagine what the last nine years of my life would have been like if I > had just thrown in the towel and said it was too much for me to > handle. Believe me it is worth it. There are a lot of nice guys out > there. It is just sometimes were a little shy. Look for the quiet ones > and you'll never go back. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who > > > to ask > > > > > > about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been > > > talking and I > > > > > > have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I > > > was > > > > > > married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men > > > friends > > > > > > over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some > > > > > > attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. > > > But > > > > > > didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time > > > ago. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot. I don't > > know > > > how to > > > > > > deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into > > dating, > > > > > > especially with my issues. This person I met seems really > > > nice. He > > > > > > completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how > > > to act > > > > > > or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get > > > back into > > > > > > the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I > > > have > > > > > > learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I > > don't > > > ever > > > > > > see myself married again. Because it will take me years to > > > trust > > > > > > someone that much. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I > > > don't know > > > > > > what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and > > > I don't > > > > > > know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick > > > flicks > > > > > > and that is not a good place to get my information on dating > > > again. > > > > > > LOL > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the > > > ACT > > > > > > topic. But maybe not. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Robyn > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Listen to 350+ music, sports, news radio stations including songs for the holidays FREE while you browse. Start Listening Now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2008 Report Share Posted December 12, 2008 Bill, What does that mean? Just for clarification. Robyn --------- Re: Re: The Opposite Sex. > > > > > > > Thank you for that advice. > > Robyn > -------------- Original message ---------------------- > > > It did and does take a lot of work to be intimate. A lot of work, > > pain, and crying. It makes me wonder if it is all worth it. Then I > > imagine what the last nine years of my life would have been like if I > > had just thrown in the towel and said it was too much for me to > > handle. Believe me it is worth it. There are a lot of nice guys out > > there. It is just sometimes were a little shy. Look for the quiet ones > > and you'll never go back. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who > > > to ask > > > > > > about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been > > > talking and I > > > > > > have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I > > > was > > > > > > married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men > > > friends > > > > > > over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some > > > > > > attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. > > > But > > > > > > didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time > > > ago. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot. I don't > > know > > > how to > > > > > > deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into > > dating, > > > > > > especially with my issues. This person I met seems really > > > nice. He > > > > > > completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how > > > to act > > > > > > or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get > > > back into > > > > > > the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I > > > have > > > > > > learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I > > don't > > > ever > > > > > > see myself married again. Because it will take me years to > > > trust > > > > > > someone that much. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I > > > don't know > > > > > > what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and > > > I don't > > > > > > know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick > > > flicks > > > > > > and that is not a good place to get my information on dating > > > again. > > > > > > LOL > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the > > > ACT > > > > > > topic. But maybe not. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Robyn > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Listen to 350+ music, sports, news radio stations including songs for the holidays FREE while you browse. Start Listening Now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 Robyn, It's Russian for "I think you are a mighty fine lady". Bill Stickers Van Nuys, California Re: Re: The Opposite Sex. Bill, What does that mean? Just for clarification. Robyn --------- Re: Re: The Opposite Sex. > > > > > > > Thank you for that advice. > > Robyn > -------------- Original message ---------------------- > From: "darkestjourney" <rageforthemachineearthlink (DOT) net> > > It did and does take a lot of work to be intimate. A lot of work, > > pain, and crying. It makes me wonder if it is all worth it. Then I > > imagine what the last nine years of my life would have been like if I > > had just thrown in the towel and said it was too much for me to > > handle. Believe me it is worth it. There are a lot of nice guys out > > there. It is just sometimes were a little shy. Look for the quiet ones > > and you'll never go back. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I know this is sort of off topic but I just don't know who > > > to ask > > > > > > about this stuff. I met someone on line. We have been > > > talking and I > > > > > > have just come through a divorce from an abusive person. I > > > was > > > > > > married over 20 years even though I did have a lot of men > > > friends > > > > > > over those years. My husband knew about it. And I had some > > > > > > attraction to one of them and wanted to leave my marriage. > > > But > > > > > > didn't. I should have left the abusive marriage a long time > > > ago. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Anyway, I am feeling like an emotional idiot. I don't > > know > > > how to > > > > > > deal with men now. I don't know how to get back into > > dating, > > > > > > especially with my issues. This person I met seems really > > > nice. He > > > > > ; > completely understands anxiety disorders but I don't know how > > > to act > > > > > > or feel or anything. Does anyone know how to learn to get > > > back into > > > > > > the world. My mind is saying alot of stuff. The one thing I > > > have > > > > > > learned through all this pain is to take things slow. I > > don't > > > ever > > > > > > see myself married again. Because it will take me years to > > > trust > > > > > > someone that much. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Of course my thinking mind wants to get a book on it. I > > > don't know > > > > > > what to do. Especially, when someone is attracted to me and > > > I don't > > > > > > know how I feel. I feel like I know nothing. I love chick > > > flicks > > > > > > and that is not a good place to get my information on dating > > > again. > > > > > > LOL > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Any help in this area is appreciated. I know it is off the > > > ACT > > > > > > topic. But maybe not. > > >=2 0> > > > > > > > > > > Robyn > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Listen to 350+ music, sports, news radio stations – including songs for the holidays – FREE while you browse. Start Listening Now! Listen to 350+ music, sports, news radio stations including songs for the holidays FREE while you browse. Start Listening Now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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