HELP!! Problems at School

[Guest guest]

I need some MAJOR help w/ Destiny and her school. The school called first

thing this morning and said I had to come get her and bring her home. The

teacher said Destiny was acting up so *bad* that she could no longer be in

control and has to be sent home. The worst thing was that Destiny spit in the

para's face. The bad behavior has been an ongoing problem, but just in the 1

1/2 hours Destiny was at school she was the *worst*. She is acting out,

aggression, pushing, hitting, throwing papers and so on...The only other time

I have seen anything close to this is when Destiny had a personality conflict

w/ a preschool teacher. It only took me 18mos to figure this out, but now that

I am seeing it again I know she is angry and upset about something. She is not

even close to acting like this at home! She can get over rambunctious while

playing w/ Zachary, but very little out right meanness. It is obvious to me

that there is something at school she doesn't like and w/ the low

communication she can't tell us what that " something " is. I suggested a change

in paras, but the teacher won't consider it. To change teachers in this

program we have to change schools. Destiny can do the work and, I think, does

it well. The teacher said she's never seen such bad behavior in this program

and Destiny may not belong here. There are 12 kids in the class w/ an aid and

Destiny shares a para w/ another student. Destiny is being such a handful that

the para spends most of her time w/ Destiny. I don't want to push Destiny down

into a lower program because that is where there are kids w/ more behavior

problems. Destiny will copy what she sees and I know things will only get

worse there. I called my mom in tears and after she and I cried together she

offered to hire a lawyer that handles placement issues in the school system. I

want to make Destiny happy and find a place where she fits. I know when she is

happy she will thrive, not act out. I am at a loss as to what to do. The

teacher said Destiny is rebelling at the structure--Destiny wants to do what

she wants and the teacher demands that Destiny follow the activity at hand.

All these bells are going off. This is exactly what we heard in preschool 2

years ago. We switched teachers and all the aggressive behavior

stopped--completely. Now, it's back. So, anyone who's been there, what

happened, what did you do and where are you now. PLEASE help me. Tomorrow is a

day off (thank God) so we have an extra day to figure out how to make school a

pleasant and safe place for everybody.

Thanks for listening!

Destiny 5 CHARgE, Zachary 3

Staten Island, NY

[Guest guest]

,

I have been in your situation with my Mark more times than I care to

count. It can be extremly frustrating for all involved!!! Mark has been moved

several times for this type of thing always to a lower functioning group until

the behaviors are more in control. Sometimes I wonder if it isn't the kids

controlling just how far they want to be pushed It sure makes you

wonder.............. V. Mom to Mark now 15 WOW!!

[Guest guest]

,

I have lots of ideas about the school setting but I'll just put down my

first thoughts and then continue later.

First, Dr. Stanley Greenspan says that children with a certain level of

communication should not be expected to sit in classrooms and circle-time

until their language reaches a certain level. He is very well respected in

the education and communication fields and has trained many therapists and

teachers in his approach. You can learn about his approach by going to the

web site for the Unicorn Children's Foundation. There are lists there of

specialists who are interested in Dr. Greenspan's approach listed by State

and perhaps you could enlist one of them to help you plan an appropriate

program for Destiny's school program.

It seems to me that the structure and expectations of this teacher or the

para may be completely off-base for Destiny. Is there someone at the

school such as principal or speech or occupational therapist who can help

you sort out what is going on and what can be done? Perhaps individual

sessions would be in order while it is being sorted out what Destiny is

frustrated about. She is communicating clearly that something(s) is/are

wrong and now the adults will have to plan approapriately to improve her

learning environment.

What are some of the options in terms of changing programs? Have you

looked at them and know they are not good for Destiny or would it help to

obseerve and take Destiny with you to see if by chance she does really feel

comfortable and encouraged in another setting? This current teacher does

not really sound very resourceful or encouraging.

What kinds of OT has Destiny had? Has she had sensory-integration therapy?

Are her vision and hearing needs being accommodated appropriately in the

classroom?

What is happening today? Do you need to make arrangements for a different

placement by tomorrow? Please holler or call if there is anything we can

do to help this get sorted out for Destiny's benefit.

Kendra's Mom

Portland, OR

keedy@...

[Guest guest]

,

I definitely agree with on this.

<<, One place to start might be for you to go to the school and observe

and see if you can figure out what is happening that is making her so mad.>>

We've gone through this with Tim before where I got letter after letter, day

after day telling me what a horrible day he has had. That was at the

beginning of the school year last year. Turns out, what was really happening

is that his signing aide (a young deaf woman who had worked with him for 3

years) was having difficulty controlling him. He was giving her the 'ol " I

don't have to listen to you " and " you can't make me do what I don't want to

do " . Once we switched aides, he has done wonderfully.

Now....seems like he is showing some of this " communicative behavior " again

but with his PT. He absolutely does not like her and she has no idea what to

do with him. I, just yesterday, asked for a written record of what his

actions/moods are good and negative while she is working with him. Seems he is

" uncooperative " while working with her and she wants to cut his PT time in

half. I DON " T THINK SO!! I also asked to have his sessions video taped with

her - the next 2-3 weeks of sessions so that I can see for myself what is

going on. This is a " professional " who last year couldn't figure out why he

was unwilling to go to PT with her. I questioned how she communicated to him.

She told me - " if he is unwilling to go, I get behind him and push him in the

direction I want him to go in or I grap him by the wrist and gently tug him

along " . I wouldn't want to go with her either.

Destiny is obviously trying to tell them something and they are

misunderstanding her behavior. You asked about maybe getting a different Para.

Why couldn't Destiny have her own Para? Why does she have to share one? Even

if just until she feels more comfortable.

Best of Luck with this. I've been there....trying to prove our kids have

something to say and can't get their point across (even if they have good

speech or signing) is tough - why do some professionals seem to always forget

these are just little kids first and not everything is because they are

" disabled " . I hate that.

Donna

mom to Tim (CHaRGE - who turned 13 yesterday), (who turns 12 on Monday),

(8) and (4)

[Guest guest]

>From: LJoyC@...

>

>I need some MAJOR help w/ Destiny and her school.

, One place to start might be for you to go to the school and observe

and see if you can figure out what is happening that is making her so mad.

Our school welcomes me to do that for , but then, they are committed

to keeping him there and making it work. I believe it is well within your

rights to do so. The trick will be to get them to agree to listen to your

suggestions. If this is a public school setting (and even if it is not),

the school psychologist should be asked to make observations and figure out

what is going on. You can ask them yourself. They are trained to do that.

The school can't just tell you she has to leave if they aren't even trying

to accommodate her behavioral needs or trying to intervene to make things

better. That attitude makes me so mad! Good luck! , mom to

(9)

S. Hartshorne

918 S. Brown St.

Mt. Pleasant, MI

48858

.Hartshorne@...