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Dear ,

Hi, thanks for taking care of MacKenzie's picture, it would probably

take me forever to figure that out.

Toby was the first to get the mail tonight and he just smiled when

he read the beer coment; personally I think it's a great idea, I walk

around like I'm half toasted anyway(no sleep) so we might as well make

it official.

Why am I frustrated? I don't really know. I just feel really down

lately. Things just seem to build, I'm all stressed about this possible

fundo thing, MacKenzie has a cold, I'm mad at most of my family, I feel

like I haven't done anything for the boys in ages, etc., etc. I know

can't you just hear the violins over my shoulder; I hate to sit here and

wallow in self pity, but damn this is hard to come out of.

I think for the last 5 months I've been sitting here waiting for

life to return to normal and for my " mildly " affected CHARGE baby to

leave all this crap behind, deal with the deafness and go on, but it's

not happening! I know this is strange thinking( a form of denial for me

I think), MacKenzie just seems so " normal " it's frustrating to realize

this stuff isn't going away.

I guess now comes acceptance, maybe. It seems like it's time to

accept my own shortcomings too. I worry every day that I don't have what

it takes to do this FOREVER.

I know that we're lucky to have as few problems as we do, but

sometimes it truly feels like my life is over.

I hope I haven't offended you or anyone else, going on as I have. I'm

afraid some people would be angry if they knew I felt this way; although

I suspect a good number of others have been in a similiar situation.

Jeanie Colp,

mom to MacKenzie 4 mths. CHARGE, Tyler 7, Zachary 4

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