Re: At the nursing home

December 6, 2006

Jan, I love this letter. You are a real Gem.

Imogene

In a message dated 12/6/2006 4:16:45 PM Central Standard Time,

janetcolello@... writes:

Yesterday, while visiting the nursing home, a man that visits his wife

daily, as I do Jim, was having a problem with his wife. She is the door across

the

hall from Jim. She is 58 and had a stroke and is at the nursing home for

physical therapy and all the therapies that are needed for stroke victims. She

has some of the same behaviors as Jim with misnaming objects and accusing her

husband of doing things he hasn't. Well, I over heard them in the hall and he

had worked all day and had come to visit her after work and spend time with

her and now it was time for him to leave and she was accusing him of having

someone on the side, because he had to go and he was defending himself with

he worked today etc. and she was saying, " OK, GO! " He looked

very down. I was leaving about the same time, so I stopped him outside and

mentioned that I had overheard his wife. He was holding back tears. I told him,

even though Jim has dementia he has

much the same behaviors and not to let her comments get him down, that it is

the stroke and not her. You all know the routine. I told him to roll with

the punches and not get defensive, because it leads to nowhere and a no win

situation. The problem just escalates when you try to defend yourself.

She is going to be released to take home next week and he is so fearful of

having to go through this. But, he does want her home. He does have Hope that

she will recover. I think that when he drove away, I gave him some help on

how to handle his frustrations, he seemed somewhat relieved. I went to my

favorite website on caregiving

http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/content_node.jsp?nodeid=891 & expandnodeid=\

1804 and found just the thing to copy and

give him, even though it states it is for helping caregivers cope with

dementia, but he will understand that the caregiving is the same for him at

this

point. A few days ago his wife was asking the nursing staff to get her donuts,

she kept saying she wanted her donuts, the nurse was trying to solve the

cryptic code. LOL She couldn't, so she went and got another nurse and the

nurse

asked her, " Where would the donuts be? " The lady lead her to her gown

for bed. She wanted to go to bed. I told her husband this and he said, he

wanted to start writing down what she says for various objects. Anyway, I felt

I may have helped someone yesterday going through much the same frustrations

that I have encountered.........Jan

December 6, 2006

---- Janet Colello wrote:

Yesterday, while visiting the nursing home, a man that visits his wife daily, as

I do Jim, was having a problem with his wife. She is the door across the hall

from Jim. She is 58 and had a stroke and is at the nursing home for physical

therapy and all the therapies that are needed for stroke victims. She has some

of the same behaviors as Jim with misnaming objects and accusing her husband of

doing things he hasn't. Well, I over heard them in the hall and he had worked

all day and had come to visit her after work and spend time with her and now it

was time for him to leave and she was accusing him of having someone on the

side, because he had to go and he was defending himself with he worked today

etc. and she was saying, " OK, GO! " He

looked very down. I was leaving about the same time, so I stopped him outside

and mentioned that I had overheard his wife. He was holding back tears. I told

him, even though Jim has dementia he has

much the same behaviors and not to let her comments get him down, that it is

the stroke and not her. You all know the routine. I told him to roll with the

punches and not get defensive, because it leads to nowhere and a no win

situation. The problem just escalates when you try to defend yourself.

She is going to be released to take home next week and he is so fearful of

having to go through this. But, he does want her home. He does have Hope that

she will recover. I think that when he drove away, I gave him some help on how

to handle his frustrations, he seemed somewhat relieved. I went to my favorite

website on caregiving

http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/content_node.jsp?nodeid=891 & expandnodeid=\

1804

and found just the thing to copy and give him, even though it states it is for

helping caregivers cope with dementia, but he will understand that the

caregiving is the same for him at this point. A few days ago his wife was asking

the nursing staff to get her donuts, she kept saying she wanted her donuts, the

nurse was trying to solve the cryptic code. LOL She couldn't, so she went and

got another nurse and the nurse asked her, " Where would the donuts be? " The lady

lead her to her gown

for bed. She wanted to go to bed. I told her husband this and he said, he

wanted to start writing down what she says for various objects. Anyway, I felt I

may have helped someone yesterday going through much the same frustrations that

I have encountered.........Jan

---------------------------------

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December 6, 2006

oops ty it again GREAT JOB JAN!!! hugs, sharon m