Re: Unfortunately I'm a new member to this group

[Guest guest]

, Welcome to the List I don't want, and I am sure you don't. Yet, we

are glad it is here, and we can get help where possible. You will get a

number of replies on your letter I am sure.

I will put in a little here.

First of all, friends and neighbors disappear when a person has dementia.

Putting your Mom in a facility where she knows a lot of people in the town,

will leave her with no one. That is a proven.

Second, Who does your mother relate to? Some mothers and daughter-in-laws

don't have a very close bond. It can be a strained relationship at best. Women

are the caregivers. So, which of you two women will be there for your mother

in a personal, emotional, spiritual, and supportive way? Who will be by her

if she goes into a nursing home? Who will keep tabs on her with the care she

will be getting, or I should say lack of care? Nursing homes are notorious for

giving improper care.

Will you loose your benefits if you retire early? Can you move out of LA at

this time, and take your mother to your new place, while your brother has

your Mom? Or take her to a nursing home nearby your new place, so you can watch

out for her?

Will the move require too much time?

You mother will absolutely need a good Neurologist, that knows LBD, or a

geriatric/Psychiatrist. She will need her medicines kept for her, and watched

over carefully. She will need meals, and help with bowel and bladder

incontinence.

She will need baths given to her, and her clothes kept clean. She may need

help getting around. Who will do all this? Or, see that it is done properly?

How is everyone's health? That must be considered. It is a humongous job. It

is not just having a house guest, and it is not a setting as in a hospital

as your SIL was accustomed to. How does she feel about the responsibility? How

does your brother feel, and think?

No one can make the decision of what to do for you. But, I hope some of my

thoughts will help in making the right ones for all concerned. This is a

terrible load to be saddled with. The weight of the decisions and then the

doing.

My heart goes out to you. This was so important to me that I am missing a

movie with my hubby in order to talk with you. You need all the support you can

get right now.

A hear full of love, and support in whatever way I can goes out to you,

Imogene

Caregiver for my True Texas Gentleman husband of 36 years. He has LBD with

Parkinsonism.

In a message dated 11/18/2006 2:31:52 PM Central Standard Time,

jenzapp@... writes:

My Mom (81) has been diagnosed with LBD this week. In a way it's a relief,

because now we know why she's having such extreme reactions to medications and

why one hour she seems her old self (Normal Mom) and the next she is in La

La land (Crazy Mom). Fortunately my brother took her to see a neurologist at

Marshfield Clinic in WI and he nailed it. He spent about 1 1/2 hours with my

mom and brother. It was one of her Normal Mom periods and she really seems to

have understood what he told her. Currently she lives in senior apartments

and the Dr told them that she needs to get into a different environment with

more support.

I'm taking her this weekend to stay with my other brother in Arkansas for a

month or two. My sister-in-law is an RN but doesn't work, so she will be able

to work with her and a doctor on getting the best meds for her now. She just

started on Paxil and something to get her off of the sleeping meds the

previous Dr gave her. Any suggestions on finding Dr's to work with her? Now

that

the diagnosis has been made, does she need to continue to be under the

supervison of a neurologist?

I imagine she will stay there as long as it works for them and then will

probably come live with me (the only daughter) in CA. Unfortunately I work 4

days a week full-time and we will need to have her in assisted living or have a

home care aid. I believe for now once her meds are balanced, she will

probably be able to spend part of the day alone, but I'll also be looking into

Adult

Day Care centers and other options.

The problems really showed up about 4 months ago after she had been

prescribed some strong pain meds for arthritis. Currently the physical problems

are

tremors and a shuffling gait. The mental are hallucinations, extreme dreams,

extreme anxiety, and fears. She recently looked forward to a Halloween party

at her apartments, but when she got there everyone looked like they were

ghouls and she thought they were dead and so she got scared and went back to

her

room. The next day, she was back to normal and realized that her reaction was

outrageous. I think even she welcomes a diagnosis, because now she realizes

that it's not " only " a mental health issue, but has a real physical basis.

I'd really like some recommendations on what time of care worked best.

Because we (my family) is so geographically spread out, we are trying to

determine

if it would be better to move her into a facility near her current home in

WI, where she still could be visited by friends, or if it would be better to

move her out to CA where the only people she will know will be my husband and

I. My brother in WI thinks it would be best because I'm her daughter and is

closer to her than anyone else. He is burnt out because he's been the primary

one to deal with things up to now. I'd really like to have her with me, but

it's very possible that in a couple of years from now when we retire that we

will want to move out of the area (Los Angeles). We'd take her with if she's

alive, but I don't know if that would even be an option to move her at that

time.

Thanks for being here.

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the place you don't want to be, but the

place where you can find help and advice.

I don't have a lot of advice for you at this time, but

if she does come to live with you, I think that taking

her out of her element and placing her far away from

what is familiar will not allow her to be alone. LBD

is a rapidly progressing disease, and change of

residence will probably exacerbate that. Even without

moving her, she probably will have to have, at the

minimum ASL care, particularly if she might get mixed

up with meds, forget to eat, etc. I don't know how

close you are to retirement, but if the disease does

progress rapidly, given her present age, she probably

will be confined to a NH by then.

--- thezapps wrote:

> My Mom (81) has been diagnosed with LBD this week.

> In a way it's a relief, because now we know why

> she's having such extreme reactions to medications

> and why one hour she seems her old self (Normal Mom)

> and the next she is in La La land (Crazy Mom).

> Fortunately my brother took her to see a neurologist

> at Marshfield Clinic in WI and he nailed it. He

> spent about 1 1/2 hours with my mom and brother. It

> was one of her Normal Mom periods and she really

> seems to have understood what he told her. Currently

> she lives in senior apartments and the Dr told them

> that she needs to get into a different environment

> with more support.

>

> I'm taking her this weekend to stay with my other

> brother in Arkansas for a month or two. My

> sister-in-law is an RN but doesn't work, so she will

> be able to work with her and a doctor on getting the

> best meds for her now. She just started on Paxil and

> something to get her off of the sleeping meds the

> previous Dr gave her. Any suggestions on finding

> Dr's to work with her? Now that the diagnosis has

> been made, does she need to continue to be under the

> supervison of a neurologist?

>

> I imagine she will stay there as long as it works

> for them and then will probably come live with me

> (the only daughter) in CA. Unfortunately I work 4

> days a week full-time and we will need to have her

> in assisted living or have a home care aid. I

> believe for now once her meds are balanced, she will

> probably be able to spend part of the day alone, but

> I'll also be looking into Adult Day Care centers and

> other options.

>

> The problems really showed up about 4 months ago

> after she had been prescribed some strong pain meds

> for arthritis. Currently the physical problems are

> tremors and a shuffling gait. The mental are

> hallucinations, extreme dreams, extreme anxiety, and

> fears. She recently looked forward to a Halloween

> party at her apartments, but when she got there

> everyone looked like they were ghouls and she

> thought they were dead and so she got scared and

> went back to her room. The next day, she was back to

> normal and realized that her reaction was

> outrageous. I think even she welcomes a diagnosis,

> because now she realizes that it's not " only " a

> mental health issue, but has a real physical basis.

>

> I'd really like some recommendations on what time

> of care worked best. Because we (my family) is so

> geographically spread out, we are trying to

> determine if it would be better to move her into a

> facility near her current home in WI, where she

> still could be visited by friends, or if it would be

> better to move her out to CA where the only people

> she will know will be my husband and I. My brother

> in WI thinks it would be best because I'm her

> daughter and is closer to her than anyone else. He

> is burnt out because he's been the primary one to

> deal with things up to now. I'd really like to have

> her with me, but it's very possible that in a couple

> of years from now when we retire that we will want

> to move out of the area (Los Angeles). We'd take her

> with if she's alive, but I don't know if that would

> even be an option to move her at that time.

>

> Thanks for being here.

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

>

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