Re: Katrina's Pink Hat -- reply from Katrina

[Guest guest]

Katrina, I'm glad you came up with a plan that works for you. I'm

sure that it's the right thing in your situation. I have definitely

felt the guilt thing when I take steps to take care of myself or even

think about going against my nada. I know it's irrational, but that

never seems to help. I just make myself go through with what I've

decided to do and each time it's hard, but I do it. The next time is

always a little easier.

I'm sure you know this, but I'll tell you anyway that I don't see any

reason for you to feel guilt or to feel like you're a bad daughter

because you are going back to get things that belong to YOU and that

your nada has proven she cannot/will not take care of. If other

people don't get it, it's because they don't have nadas. That's not

your problem.

You'll be in my thoughts. Let us know how it works out.

Trish

> > > > > > Dear Katrina,

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I am so moved by the story of your pink hat. In my heart, it

> > > > will

> > > > > > always be YOUR pink hat, and I will see you for who you are,

> > > > happy

> > > > > > in it, playing around. You can bet your nada did that to you

> > > on

> > > > > > purpose, and for the reasons you describe. She also set

it up

> > > > for

> > > > > > you to look 'bad' and selfish if you defended yourself--after

> > > > all,

> > > > > > would you begrudge giving something to a child in need? Dam*

> > > > > > straight you should. YOU are a child in need too, in need of

> > > > being

> > > > > > treated like a basic, intact human, and if you had been all

> > > your

> > > > > > life, maybe giving away that hat wouldn't have been such a

big

> > > > > > deal. But she meant it as a symbolic gesture, one of ever so

> > > > many

> > > > > > tiny daggers thrown at you for ahhiliation. Like those

> > > > toothpick

> > > > > > thin poison needles Jade Fox threw in Crouching tiger, under

> > > > cover

> > > > > > of darkness, hidden. (Hmmm...Jade Fox was a nada I think, if

> > > > anyone

> > > > > > who knows that movie.)

> > > > > >

> > > > > > This brings up something I want to post again, because it's

> > > not

> > > > > > resolved for me. We discuss it sometimes on the list, so

> > > > forgive me

> > > > > > to anyone who has read this before. Nadas give away and

> > > destroy

> > > > our

> > > > > > stuff. It's so awful! It's part of being a nada. I didn't

> > > > > > understand this and undervalued myself and let her do it for

> > > > YEARS

> > > > > > until just recently, when I finally figured it out. But, the

> > > > minute

> > > > > > I went away to school, stuff of mine started getting siphoned

> > > > off.

> > > > > > Even before that, really. She gave away my childhood bedroom

> > > > set

> > > > > > without asking me, to her best friend's kid. It was a lovely

> > > > set

> > > > > > and now I see it in antique stores. When I was at school,

she

> > > > had a

> > > > > > garage sale and sold my stereo. Music is everything to me

and

> > > > she

> > > > > > knows it. I also used to have some very expensive musical

> > > > > > instruments at home. Dishrag bought them, of course. She

> > > > couldn't

> > > > > > stand it, they were too much ME. She left them out in the

> > > > garage,

> > > > > > no climate control, for months and months, until they were

> > > > ruined.

> > > > > > These were VERY expensive intstruments, and I don't

understand

> > > > how

> > > > > > she convinced dishrag it was ok. But she did. All the

> > > > childhood

> > > > > > toys I had somehow managed to save, I used to have them put

> > > away

> > > > > > neatly in one certain spot in an obscure closet. She picked

> > > > through

> > > > > > them, disogranized them, now they are gone. I don't know

what

> > > > she

> > > > > > did with them. I made the mistake of leaving some very

> > > > important

> > > > > > books at home recently, before I understood about bpd.

Again,

> > > > they

> > > > > > made their way to the garage, and were ruined. I had a

> > > > collection

> > > > > > of stuffed animals from a particular comic strip. GONE. No

> > > > idea

> > > > > > where they went. I had a large collection of trophies from

> > > > music

> > > > > > competitions. GONE. Now that I understand she also molested

> > > > me,

> > > > > > and that this was a campain to annihilate me, I just can't

> > > STAND

> > > > the

> > > > > > thought of her grubby paws, pawing through my things and

> > > > destroying

> > > > > > them, disrespecting me so. I am not yet over this. In fact

> > > > just

> > > > > > the other night I dreamed a little evil child had stolen toys

> > > > from

> > > > > > me, and her parents wouldn't do anything to help me get them

> > > > back.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The lesson here is, if anyone has a nada, save whatever stuff

> > > of

> > > > > > yours you can! Your nada WILL destroy it all, if she hasn't

> > > > > > already. It is up to us to respect and protect our

> > > childhoods.

> > > > > > Nada will literally do the opposite.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Charlie

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @

> > > > > SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE

> > > GROUP.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call

888-35-

> > > > SHELL

> > > > > () for your copy. We also refer to

" Understanding the

> > > > > Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline

> > > Parent, "

> > > > > (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO

> > > > community!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and

> > > > author

> > > > > SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >