Re: In-Law/Family troubles

[Guest guest]

Janet,

Sorry to hear about your family troubles, I guess a silly dish is more

important than her sister and her family. How silly.... Hopefully, she

will come out of it sometime and realize what an idiotic thing she's

been missing her sister & family for. What a shame...

Mom to Kennedy 1 yo CHARGEr, 9, 7 and wife to Graeme

New Brunswick Canada

--

Graeme & Weir

gweir@...

http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Palms/5716

*ICQ* UIN:1426476

*AOL Buddy* - Kawfolks

[Guest guest]

and ,

Thanks so much for your support, and for your words of wisdom. I too,

have concluded that life is too short to continue *going around* on this.

There are way more important things to do and if she insists on excluding me,

then so be it.

Also, what I had to realize was that this sister has done this to other

people. She is a very bitter, angry person and I'm not even sure why. I

learned very early in life to count on my friends more than my family. Other

than my Mom (who died right before the boys were born in 92) and my sister

Theresa, my siblings (the other 5 of them) were much older than me and were

not *into* helping me, just criticizing. I developed a network of friends

whom I could (and still can) count on way more than my family.

The worst part is the what ifs: what if I hadn't just left and dealt with it

(even tho Matt had said he took care of it), what if I had called earlier and

mentioned it sooner, and so on. But as said it's silly to still be mad

about it now, 2 years later. My life has moved on and I'm sure so has hers.

Thanks again for the support, this is a real sore spot for me because I feel

that it was more my fault than anything else. I always felt that their

support of was just tolerance: putting up with him. And that I was a

*bad* mother because I couldn't keep him *under control*. Oddly enough, this

sister took sign language classes when it looked like we may have to go that

way with . I don't quite understand it all.

Janet

Wife to Matt

Mom to Many!

Weymouth, Massachusetts

[Guest guest]

>

>

>Janet,

>Sorry to hear about your family troubles, I guess a silly dish is more

>important than her sister and her family. How silly.... Hopefully, she

>will come out of it sometime and realize what an idiotic thing she's

>been missing her sister & family for. What a shame...

>

I agree. One thing I learned when I lost my two kids is that possessions

are NOT important. Even the most precious heirlooms and keepsakes I have

could get lost or destroyed now and I would not be devastated. The only

ones I would be concerned about if lost now are the ones that belonged to

my son and daughter, their photos, special blankies and bears, etc.

Nothing else matters. It's just stuff. Even then, if something of theirs

got destroyed by accident, I would never be angry at the person who did it,

especially a child!!! So sad.

S. Hartshorne

.Hartshorne@...

[Guest guest]

I remember one Thanksgiving when broke an antique dish of some

kind of my mother's. I was so sorry. She told me was more

important to her than the dish.

Tim Hartshorne (father of etc.)

JPM4189@... wrote:

> From: JPM4189@...

>

> Hi,

>

> I had to add to this discussion. I have commented in the past about

> how my

> mil has felt that we paid more attention to than to ,

> blah, blah,

> blah.

>

> But you know, my own family has it's own problems too. I have a

> sister who is

> still angry with me and not speaking to me after 2 years. It was

> Thanksgiving

> and we were leaving. got ahead of me as I was saying

> good-bye. He

> took the lid off a candy dish that was on the coffee table. I wasn't

> right

> there so I am not sure exactly what happened but the dish broke. Matt

> brought

> the dish to my bil who told him to put it in the trash. I made the

> mistake of

> not saying anything to my sister and we left. I didn't speak to her

> for

> several weeks and when I did I could tell she was pissed, I mentioned

> the dish

> to her and turns out it was an anniversary dish, irreplaceable, yada

> yada

> yada. This past Thanksgiving, we were not invited (the year before

> was at my

> other sisters house). This is it for me. I am no longer going to try

> to

> please these people. I have admitted that I should have said

> something to

> her...............but what more can I do? We have slowly dwindled

> down to not

> having any family gatherings. I have 6 siblings. I am on speaking

> terms with

> 3. Pretty sad, Huh? The other 2 are older brothers who I don't have

> much in

> common with and we drifted away a number of years ago. It's too bad,

> but I

> feel now that although family is very important, it is not important

> *at any

> cost*.

>

> We have begun to create our own Holiday rituals and routines and we go

> to

> Matt's family for the other events. At least my mil knows to put her

> *priceless* heirlooms away when the Murray's are coming!

>

> Janet

> Wife to Matt

> Mom to & (CHaRGEr) 6 3/4, nne 23 months, and

> Mom to

> 9 months, and 18 months.

>

> Weymouth, Massachusetts

>

> -----------------------

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[Guest guest]

Many people don't understand the day to day responsiblity of raising a

child with problems. Talk about stupidity, my older sister calls me up

and asks me whether got the oral Polio vaccine! I kinda

responded with " duh, can't swallow, remember? " She said, " but

it is just a little bit on the tongue. Needless to say, I found out

from my other sister that she was hurt by my jumping down her throat for

asking the question. If she had been listening to what I have been

telling her about what is wrong with him, maybe she wouldn't have asked

me such a stupid question. When I told her he had CHARGE, her response

was, " oh, that's all " . I work full time, have 2 kids, deal with all

's stuff and she complains to ME she can't work at job 5 days a

week, 4 hours a day, because it is just too much for her.

My parents couldn't handle being born either. They came to the

hospital 1ce during the 15 weeks he was there, and kept telling me how

normal he will be. They have finally come around more (learning to sign

etc.), but unfortunately, even family, show their true colors in

situations like ours. Sorry to ramble, but this got me going.

Debbie Matasker mom to 22 mths!, 4