Re: Re: Need help calming down -- Thanks to All

[Guest guest]

Dear KO’s,

Thanks to all of you who responded with support, insight and wisdom to my

recent request for help with calming down from something that happened

last week. All those things you said helped to make my days and week. I

took it all into my brain (being a man, it went there first, ha ha) and my

heart. You helped me bounce back quickly from an event about which I felt

very upset. Your words have been in my calmness and serenity, and the

smile on my lips and warmth in my heart.

I brought your words with me to a spiritual retreat I went to this

weekend. No computers or cell phones were allowed, just like thousands of

years ago. (I had long-planned to attend it; what timing, huh?)

Combined with your feedback, I feel an experience, strength and hope that

I don’t usually feel this much and it feels very good.

Between you, other recovery friends, other friends and my Higher Power, I

can’t lose. This is a team I want to be on. We’re all winners. Thanks

for being there. Keep coming back.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- fresabird wrote:

> ((((Non-BP Recovering Man)))

>

> You are not the odd man out. You have simply encountered once again

> someone in your

> life who creates chaos and has targeted you. (I got the " creating

> chaos " from people of the

> lie and think it fits this type person.) It is understandable that this

> would bring up old

> feeling about your FOO. I really see recovery/healing as a journey

> with ups and downs,

> hills and valleys, beautiful views, and lots off rocks and mud puddles.

> But the other image

> that helps me is off a funnel. When you start, you go around through

> all the emotions -

> rage, grief, " why me " etc. one by one and it seems like it will never

> end. But as you move

> up the funnel, the times when you are dealing with the hard stuff become

> further apart,

> separated by the good stuff of the new life you are building. And this

> continues on and

> on. I don't know if you ever launch yourself completely out of the

> funnel, it hasn't

> happened to me yet anyway, but the bad stuff dissapates as you move on

> and the good

> stuff fills in. Some kind of weird centrifical force I guess.

> Unfortunately life events can

> shove you around into a feeling you weren't expecting, but if you use

> the tools you have

> learned, you can get through it and continue the journey. You have the

> tools you need.

> You can get through this. And I can tell you realize this. I am also a

> big proponent of a

> few choice curse words and an acknowledgement of how much it sucks as

> you once again

> pull out your tool box and start your repairs. The good part - each

> time the repair is

> quicker and less painful, though as in plumbing repairs, it still

> stinks.

>

> I hope you are feeling better today - I wanted to get to this last

> night, but was dead on my

> feet. Three kids, a new plastic sprinkler, tons of sun screen, rain

> boots and rain coats (not

> sure why we needed those), and all the clean up and laundry we generated

> wore me out. I

> hope the weather is nice where you are, and you have a chance to get out

> and enjoy it.

> There is just something about the warm sun and a nice cool breeze that

> soothes the soul.

>

> fresabird

>

>

> >

> > Dear Fellow KOs,

> >

> > I was heavily restimulated yesterday. Someone who'd taken an

> immediate

> > disliking to me when we met not long ago (which has happened many

> times in

> > my life) played an important role in some people choosing not to work

> with

> > me anymore. I immediately knew that this resembled my FOO experience.

>

> > Within five hours, I had gone through the entire initial cycle of

> > (partial) denial and isolation (I quickly did some prayer and

> meditation,

> > and called friends), anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, the

> > same cycle of the stages of death. I understood that something (an

> > opportunity to do something I liked) had died. I know it may be a

> good

> > thing and I immediately recognized some good in it, such as more time

> to

> > do other things! I spent hours reading humorous things and doing

> other

> > good things, such as reading (and replying to a few of) your great

> posts,

> > to distract myself from the strength of my feelings until I calmed

> down

> > enough to go to sleep.

> >

> > Friends have encouraged me to share even more about this kind of

> thing.

> > The part I'd like your feedback and validation about is that person.

> > She's vivacious, pretty, intelligent, quick-talking and sociable, and

> I

> > believe she has some NPD. At the least, she influenced others against

> me

> > (in other words, smeared me, like my BPD nada has done all my life).

> At

> > the most, she engineered my removal. I know I can say about all of

> them

> > to myself, " Good riddance! " My fear is the deep restimulation and

> renewal

> > of feelings of hopelessness and helplessness now and in the days

> ahead,

> > like I've endured about my FOO. I know I have to, but I don't want to

> > deal with it ( " I don' wanna! I don' wanna! Waaaaaaa! " ). What I'd

> like

> > is a little pep talk. Remind me that this, too, shall pass, these

> things

> > happen all the time, even though I'm the odd one out (again) that I'm

> not

> > a bad odd, etc.

> >

> > Naturally, part of me wants to get in their, especially her, face and

> tell

> > them to go _____ themselves. Part of me wants to calmly, confidently

> and

> > firmly tell them, " You made a big mistake. Your loss. Bye. " I could

> use

> > some support in continuing to calm down from this latest brush with

> > inappropriate behavior. Thanks. Have a great day!

> >

> > One Non-BP Recovering Man

> >

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >