Re: Another suicide-Charlie

[Guest guest]

Charlie,

For someone who never knows what to say to people when they are

grieving, your words are extremely comforting and on the mark. I

think you are really quite wise in bringing up the topic from a few

months ago about raining and pouring. I've been seeing this event of

my friend's suicide as kind of a pile up w/even the header

saying 'another suicide' when in truth they are isolated events. They

just both happened w/in a month of each other and that leads me to

view them as somehow related. In truth the only relation they have is

suicide and both had rough backgrounds from childhood. But I liked my

friend a lot better than nada's fiance. I am very sad for my friend

and grieve her a lot deeper for the simple fact we'd been good

friends for about 12 years and I feel more of that suicide guilt

w/missing the signs. I didn't feel this way about nada's fiance. I

knew somehow and someway he wasn't going to be in the picture for the

longhaul. None ever are w/nada. This friend was suppose to be one

that I just saw growing old in girlfriend terms, KWIM? She was almost

20 years older than I, but 53 is not that old anymore and for a woman

to kill herself is really rare- especially in that age bracket. I

know she was in a lot of pain and I just try to think to myself she

wasn't in the right frame of mind from all the pain. But I am so sad

that I hadn't talked to her in so long. That it was easier for me to

email her than actually call (but it is soo hard w/two in diapers to

call when most people are awake- never get much free time and when I

do call my girlfriends it is usually my local girlfriends- this

friend lived in the homestate where nada still lives).

Anyway, you are very right. This is not piling up on me. It is just

one of those tragic events that happened right after another tragic

event and I have to grieve separately for this friend. I think I

grieve deeper for this friend b/c friendship is a choice- nada's

fiance is not. KWIM? When a friend kills themselves, its kind of like

I feel like 'why not call me or something?' But I am truly trying to

make sense out of something that just doesn't make sense and that's

the difference between me and this friend. I'm in a fairly normal

rational frame of reference and she simply was not.

Thanks for the kind words and reminder I needed to hear:)

Kerrie

> >

> > Hi guys. I found out Friday that one of my friends killed

> themselves

> > on April 10th. I'm a bit sad about it and just having a difficult

> > time processing two suicides in one months time period. She was

> not

> > borderline or related. Her dad was an alcoholic and I think that

> > really screwed her up- she's was super codependant and such. But

> > she's had a lot of problems these past few years and I think her

> > physical pain took a major toll on her outlook for life. I really

> and

> > truly believe she was not in her right state of mind and she said

> as

> > much in a few emails. I wish I could've picked up the warning

> > signals. It seems clear in retrospect, but I also think people

who

> > are genuinely going to do it don't give off as many as say a

> > hystrionic bp whose saying suicidal things just for effect.

> >

> > I'm sad. If you're a prayerful person, please pray for me. It

just

> > sucks seeing two people throw their lives away in a month's time

> > period. One thing this has taught me is that childhood trauma

> > definitely can carry over long into adulthood and that everyone

is

> > responsible for getting the help they need- therapy, etc- and

> trying

> > to get over these demons from the past. That in the end, life is

a

> > gift, but we have to open that gift- not settle on the pretty

> > wrapping on the outside- to truly delve into the soul and try to

> heal

> > the wounds and see the real beauty beneath. I am sad though and I

> > think I'm fighting depression now. I really need to get back to

my

> T

> > soon.

> > Kerrie

> >

>