Re: Nada triangulation (was Prank calls . . .) -- Dee

[Guest guest]

Dee and All,

Thanks for sharing that. It’s a memory path I’d forgotten about. My nada

used to say things like, “Your father wouldn’t like it if you ________.”

I’d think, “What? What do YOU care? You tried to deSTROY him! And, why

are you telling ME this -- I’m just a kid. What am I supposed to do?”

That was one of the thousands of ways my nada created confusion in and

triangulated me, undermined my thinking, put me in emotional turmoil,

broke my heart and spirit, threw me off balance, smeared my dishrag fada,

and tried to alienate me from and sabotage my relationship with him (she

knew and fiercely resented that I naturally idolized my father then). She

was very successful with those chaos-creating, personality-disturbing and

identity-disintegrating behaviors. I work to continue successfully

healing and growing from her imbalanced, disturbed and disordered thinking

and behavior.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- gmat60 wrote:

>

> >I find that so funny. My mother used to always say things like,

> " Your Dad is so hurt, and when he is hurt you know it is something

> real. Or Your Dad wanted this or that so I had to call. " Anyway, it

> was always HER who wanted something or was hurt. My dad never had a

> hurt feeling in his life. He was not sensitive that way. Now he is

> gone (passed a year ago) and she tells me her caregiver needs this or

> that. It is just so predictable. Dee

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

It is so helpful to hear all of these things about nada triangulation. My

mother has done it forEVER...I've just crossed it off, and know that when

she says " your father wants... " it means it is what she wants. It never even

OCCURED to me that it was part of BP....Looking back, it should have...i

mean, I know nobody else does it...but growing up, I just recognized it as

her way of trying to be " polite " . (Later I realized " polite " = " manipulative " )

I remember telling a date (who is now my husband)...ok...now, she will keep

bringing you food you don't want, and she will be insulted no matter what

you do...so just do what you feel is good for you....if you don't want it,

don't eat it, and don't cave in to her guilting you into eating more than

you want. Oh....and every time she says " soandso " said or wants...that's

her...that's just what she does. Just this morning, my nada played the

triangulation game with me...and i was standing RIGHT there for the entire

conversation. I had gone over to get my cat out of her yard...my father

comes screaming out the patio door for her to find something he had lost....

..a book or something. She said " I'm busy....do you want Angel to come find

it for you?(yeah, she was busy talking to ME!)...he said " NO...you had it

last, you misplaced it, i need YOU to find it " ...she said " well I'm sure she

wouldn't mind...she can go find it " .... " he said " no...i need you to go find

it " ....she looks right at me and says " I'm glad you are here, your father

needs you to help him with something " It was so ridiculous, I couldn't

even find the words...I just turned and walked away without saying anything.

She did the phone call thing...calling and hanging up, calling and hanging

up...but with having a teenager, I'm used to the phone ringing off the hook.

I just put my answering machine on 3 rings and let it go to the machine.

She will most likely call all day...luckily, she most likely not walk across

the street. And if she does, I will treat her the way I would treat a total

stranger.(I just wish I could be like my husband and sternly say " what do

you want? " ...and he gives her whatever it is she is requesting and then says

" ok..you came here and said you wanted<blank>. I have given you blank, so

now you need to leave.)

How about the phone call thing....does anyone have a Nada who will call..

and then when you answer she says " alright...your father wants to ask you

something " ....and then hands the phone to them....the entire time, you can

hear him saying " what?...why are you giving me the phone???...what do you

want me to say again? "

The silver lining for me is, I always know what to get her for Christmas..

because she will say <soandso>wants<this>....i always know that SHE is the

one who wants whatever it is she is talking about. Not that we could ever

please them.

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

-- Re: Nada triangulation (was Prank calls . . .)

-- Dee

Dee and All,

Thanks for sharing that. It’s a memory path I’d forgotten about. My nada

used to say things like, “Your father wouldn’t like it if you ________.”

I’d think, “What? What do YOU care? You tried to deSTROY him! And, why

are you telling ME this -- I’m just a kid. What am I supposed to do?”

That was one of the thousands of ways my nada created confusion in and

triangulated me, undermined my thinking, put me in emotional turmoil,

broke my heart and spirit, threw me off balance, smeared my dishrag fada,

and tried to alienate me from and sabotage my relationship with him (she

knew and fiercely resented that I naturally idolized my father then). She

was very successful with those chaos-creating, personality-disturbing and

identity-disintegrating behaviors. I work to continue successfully

healing and growing from her imbalanced, disturbed and disordered thinking

and behavior.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- gmat60 wrote:

>

> >I find that so funny. My mother used to always say things like,

> " Your Dad is so hurt, and when he is hurt you know it is something

> real. Or Your Dad wanted this or that so I had to call. " Anyway, it

> was always HER who wanted something or was hurt. My dad never had a

> hurt feeling in his life. He was not sensitive that way. Now he is

> gone (passed a year ago) and she tells me her caregiver needs this or

> that. It is just so predictable. Dee

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness. Keep sharing your stories - PLEASE! They make me laugh!

I know they cant be fun for you because they make for a very high maintenance

person, and for that I am sorry (and can relate). But being able to relate

makes it so funny!

BUtifulGrace

Beach Bunny wrote:

It is so helpful to hear all of these things about nada triangulation. My

mother has done it forEVER...I've just crossed it off, and know that when

she says " your father wants... " it means it is what she wants. It never even

OCCURED to me that it was part of BP....Looking back, it should have...i

mean, I know nobody else does it...but growing up, I just recognized it as

her way of trying to be " polite " . (Later I realized " polite " = " manipulative " )

I remember telling a date (who is now my husband)...ok...now, she will keep

bringing you food you don't want, and she will be insulted no matter what

you do...so just do what you feel is good for you....if you don't want it,

don't eat it, and don't cave in to her guilting you into eating more than

you want. Oh....and every time she says " soandso " said or wants...that's

her...that's just what she does. Just this morning, my nada played the

triangulation game with me...and i was standing RIGHT there for the entire

conversation. I had gone over to get my cat out of her yard...my father

comes screaming out the patio door for her to find something he had lost....

..a book or something. She said " I'm busy....do you want Angel to come find

it for you?(yeah, she was busy talking to ME!)...he said " NO...you had it

last, you misplaced it, i need YOU to find it " ...she said " well I'm sure she

wouldn't mind...she can go find it " .... " he said " no...i need you to go find

it " ....she looks right at me and says " I'm glad you are here, your father

needs you to help him with something " It was so ridiculous, I couldn't

even find the words...I just turned and walked away without saying anything.

She did the phone call thing...calling and hanging up, calling and hanging

up...but with having a teenager, I'm used to the phone ringing off the hook.

I just put my answering machine on 3 rings and let it go to the machine.

She will most likely call all day...luckily, she most likely not walk across

the street. And if she does, I will treat her the way I would treat a total

stranger.(I just wish I could be like my husband and sternly say " what do

you want? " ...and he gives her whatever it is she is requesting and then says

" ok..you came here and said you wanted<blank>. I have given you blank, so

now you need to leave.)

How about the phone call thing....does anyone have a Nada who will call..

and then when you answer she says " alright...your father wants to ask you

something " ....and then hands the phone to them....the entire time, you can

hear him saying " what?...why are you giving me the phone???...what do you

want me to say again? "

The silver lining for me is, I always know what to get her for Christmas..

because she will say <soandso>wants<this>....i always know that SHE is the

one who wants whatever it is she is talking about. Not that we could ever

please them.

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

-- Re: Nada triangulation (was Prank calls . . .)

-- Dee

Dee and All,

Thanks for sharing that. It’s a memory path I’d forgotten about. My nada

used to say things like, “Your father wouldn’t like it if you ________.”

I’d think, “What? What do YOU care? You tried to deSTROY him! And, why

are you telling ME this -- I’m just a kid. What am I supposed to do?”

That was one of the thousands of ways my nada created confusion in and

triangulated me, undermined my thinking, put me in emotional turmoil,

broke my heart and spirit, threw me off balance, smeared my dishrag fada,

and tried to alienate me from and sabotage my relationship with him (she

knew and fiercely resented that I naturally idolized my father then). She

was very successful with those chaos-creating, personality-disturbing and

identity-disintegrating behaviors. I work to continue successfully

healing and growing from her imbalanced, disturbed and disordered thinking

and behavior.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- gmat60 wrote:

>

> >I find that so funny. My mother used to always say things like,

> " Your Dad is so hurt, and when he is hurt you know it is something

> real. Or Your Dad wanted this or that so I had to call. " Anyway, it

> was always HER who wanted something or was hurt. My dad never had a

> hurt feeling in his life. He was not sensitive that way. Now he is

> gone (passed a year ago) and she tells me her caregiver needs this or

> that. It is just so predictable. Dee

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

HAHAHAHA....i can totally relate...when I hear stories that everyone shares

it makes me feel so much better. I don't find joy in what everyone is going

though...but it makes me feel so much better that i'm not alone.

I'm thinking about taking the picture idea though...how funny would that be.

..take a picture of her, in her old house coat...3am...drenched in the

sprinklers....i think i would use it for my Christmas Cards...i would just

print on the inside...have you been naughty or nice?

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

-- Re: Nada triangulation (was Prank calls . . .)

-- Dee

Dee and All,

Thanks for sharing that. It’s a memory path I’d forgotten about. My nada

used to say things like, “Your father wouldn’t like it if you ________.”

I’d think, “What? What do YOU care? You tried to deSTROY him! And, why

are you telling ME this -- I’m just a kid. What am I supposed to do?”

That was one of the thousands of ways my nada created confusion in and

triangulated me, undermined my thinking, put me in emotional turmoil,

broke my heart and spirit, threw me off balance, smeared my dishrag fada,

and tried to alienate me from and sabotage my relationship with him (she

knew and fiercely resented that I naturally idolized my father then). She

was very successful with those chaos-creating, personality-disturbing and

identity-disintegrating behaviors. I work to continue successfully

healing and growing from her imbalanced, disturbed and disordered thinking

and behavior.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- gmat60 wrote:

>

> >I find that so funny. My mother used to always say things like,

> " Your Dad is so hurt, and when he is hurt you know it is something

> real. Or Your Dad wanted this or that so I had to call. " Anyway, it

> was always HER who wanted something or was hurt. My dad never had a

> hurt feeling in his life. He was not sensitive that way. Now he is

> gone (passed a year ago) and she tells me her caregiver needs this or

> that. It is just so predictable. Dee

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

HaHaHa! If you take a picture and make christmas cards can I have

one. That story made me laugh so hard I thought I would pee my

pants. I can just see this lady thinking she is so sneeky but out in

the open and all wet. Just the sight oh my!!! I just love it! Lizzy

> > >I find that so funny. My mother used to always say things like,

> > " Your Dad is so hurt, and when he is hurt you know it is

something

> > real. Or Your Dad wanted this or that so I had to call. " Anyway,

it

> > was always HER who wanted something or was hurt. My dad never

had a

> > hurt feeling in his life. He was not sensitive that way. Now he

is

> > gone (passed a year ago) and she tells me her caregiver needs

this or

> > that. It is just so predictable. Dee

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

PS I love the blow horn story to I CRACKED UP!!! Holy Cow thats

funny! Lizzy

> > > >I find that so funny. My mother used to always say things

like,

> > > " Your Dad is so hurt, and when he is hurt you know it is

> something

> > > real. Or Your Dad wanted this or that so I had to call. "

Anyway,

> it

> > > was always HER who wanted something or was hurt. My dad never

> had a

> > > hurt feeling in his life. He was not sensitive that way. Now

he

> is

> > > gone (passed a year ago) and she tells me her caregiver needs

> this or

> > > that. It is just so predictable. Dee

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >