Re: my before/after pictures

January 27, 2006

Hi MK,

I couldn't look at my " before " pictures after I had implants, but it

was because I was so sad that I had changed my natural shape.

What's nice about having my body back is that I don't think about

boobs anymore. I obviously think about my health, because it's a

daily struggle, but when I had implants it seemed like I was looking

at everyone's chests - and it dawned on me when I had implants that

big breasts meant nothing. I looked at the women with small breasts

and thought how nice they looked, and how I missed looking like

that. I felt more feminine with my natural shape than with my

implanted shape, and I was constantly trying to hide the implants.

As for your hubby, he will never truly understand what you are going

through, because he's not in your shoes. However, if he is

supportive of the explant and is willing to do whatever it takes to

get you well, you've got a keeper. I wouldn't worry much about

Hooters - he probably did go there with a group of people, and even

if men look, it doesn't mean they want what they see. My husband

was not supportive, and didn't want to hear it when I was sick, so I

lived inside my own head for a while - pretending everything was

alright. He wanted an M.D. or my plastic surgeon (who put them in)

to tell him the implants were making me sick. I felt that he was in

control of my body, and that I needed his permission to get them

out - it almost seemed as if he felt he had the final say on whether

they stayed or went. I finally just got in the car and called him

on the way to the explanting surgeon (I live in NJ, she's in Ohio),

and he was pretty stunned. I had to take charge or I'd still have

the implants in my body, making me sicker and sicker. Anyway, I

didn't have surgery on that particular visit to the surgeon, but

when I got home we had a long talk and he was finally supportive,

and he accompanied me a month later when I had my explant. He's

great now, but I was prepared to split with him if he didn't

improve, and luckily (for him!) he did improve.

Sis

--- In , " mkkinzy1 " <mkkinzy@m...>

wrote:

>

> Hi,

>

> I pulled out my before/after pictures yesterday. It was very

> emotional looking at the photos. I remember everything I felt

> before/after my implants. For the last 5 years since getting my

> implants I have been so happy with them or so I thought. The

implants

> had really improved my self-estem. I am sick and know getting the

> implants out is going to better my health, but I still have so

many

> emotions tied to my implants. I know I can't beat myself up, but

I

> now look at my before pictures and wonder why I felt so compelled

to

> get implants. I have had so many compliments about my figure and

felt

> so confident going places. Now I hardly go anywhere, because I am

not

> feeling well. I am very excited to regain my health, but really

> scared that I am going to suffer additional depression with loss

of my

> figure. I know that a lot of people experience fluffing and have

good

> outcome after explant. I however know that I am mostly implant

and

> already had drooping before my implants. I know my self estem is

> something that I have to work on. I want to learn how to be happy

> with what I have. I would really appreciate any ideas. I have

done a

> lot of praying and find much comfort from this group. I feel so

> alone, but when I am on-line reading posts I feel okay.

>

> My husband is away in the military, so this is adding additional

> stress for me. I am trying hard to be supportive to him. It is

hard

> talking to him for only a few minutes on the phone or thru

letters.

> He is supportive in the fact that he says that we will do whatever

it

> takes to get me explanted, but I don't feel he understands the

> emotions I am going thru. I understand he is dealing with his own

> issues in this whole thing, but still feel like he doesn't get

it.

> This past weekend I went on line to do our banking and I saw that

he

> had dinner at Hooters Resturant. I was mortified. I knew that he

> most likely went along with a group and has never cared for the

> resturant and was against my getting implants, but I still thought

and

> still think it was the worst place he could have gone at this

point.

> His wife is at home trying to keep the fires burning with 3 little

> kids and a complete emotional wreck. Am I wrong in feeling this

> way?? It sounds like several woman have supportive spouses or

> boyfriends in their lives -- any advice for me or anything I can

pass

> along to my husband would be appreciated.

>

> Thanks for listening to me. )

>

January 27, 2006

Hi MK

You really have a tough situation with your husband being away in

the military and your having three little ones to raise by yourself

for awhile. Seriously though, your husband is being pretty

supportive all things being considered. We have several ladies here

whose husbands were against them getting explanted and were no

support at all. They didn't believe implants were the cause of

illness and were negative about the whole situation. Not being a

woman, most men probably do have trouble understanding how we feel--

and yes many of them are afraid that the surgery might not make

things better, or they might worry how their wives will look after

surgery, or they might worry about the cost or the risk of the

surgery itself. Since most doctors tend to deny that the implants

are the cause of the illness, men tend to believe the doctors and

think we are overreacting and looking desparately for anything that

could be the cause. Time after time we go to the doctor who runs

tests that essentially come out normal and then tell us it is

stress, anxiety or " panic attacks " or fibromyalgia. It is easy to

see why husbands are then convinced the doctor is right. Most men

tend to believe doctors over their own intuition--if they even have

any! Most women are intuitive and don't buy what the doctor is

saying.

Also, I would say let the Hooter's thing go. You are being too

sensitive. I am sure he didn't even think of you being affected by

his going there. My husband is very loving and caring and I really

don't think he would have thought about it either. Men aren't built

that way!! AT least most of them. They don't fare well in the

world of emotions and sensitivities. I think you have a good man

there--he says he supports you and you have to keep hold of that in

your mind instead of looking for ways he isn't supporting you.

We have all been where you are with being afraid of how we will feel

about how we will look after explant. I too, felt like a woman for

the first time in my life after getting implants. I was totally

totally flat like a man--not small--flat and I didn't even have a

bigger aerola or nipple. After implants I was a 34B and I actually

stuck out in a nightgown or swimsuit. It was glorious! Never mind

that they kind of looked like balls on my chest or that they hurt

and I could feel the edges all the time. But after I got sick, I

thought I was dying. My husband had died 2 years before

unexpectedly and all I could think was that now my children wouldn't

have any parents. I was engaged to a wonderful man and if he hadn't

been so wonderful, I truly beleive he would have run when he saw how

sick I was. But we got married. Two months later I found this site

and knew it was my implants. I never even told my husband about the

implants and now I had to tell him why I was sick and that they were

coming out. After explant I was afraid for him to see me. It took

a couple of months until I did. If it made a difference to him--and

I am sure it did--he never let me know and we still have a great

physical relationship. I never focus on my breasts anymore. I have

been focusing on regaining my health. There are many things I will

never have or never be---I have to accept that. I would far rather

have my health than breasts that make me feel womanly. Dale makes

me feel womanly. He says he loves my body even though I honestly

don't have a clue why. I tend to really dislike it. But I have to

let that go and get on with my life. It is a life that is well

worth living--flat breasts or not! And so is yours! I really hope

that you can focus on what you do have and let go of these

insecurities. I think you also have to remember that your poor

health is a major cause for your depression and your depression is

influencing how you feel about the entire situation with your

husband and your upcoming surgery. I know that I was terribly

depressed for along time because of my illness but now look at life

much more positively. Hopefully you will too!

Hugs, Kathy