Guest guest Posted June 3, 2008 Report Share Posted June 3, 2008 Hi Annemie That's a good one. I remember wearing a t-shirt and cut offs as a swimsuit, not because I didn't have one, but because I was so sunburned. Hugs Diane-Minnesota > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > It's almost that time of year - hope this at least makes you smile. > > > The Bathing Suit > > When I was a child in the 1960s the bathing suit for the mature figure was > boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job. > > Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a > figure carved from a potato chip. > > The mature woman has a choice-she can either go up front to the maternity > department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a > hippopotamus who escaped from & nbsp;Disney's Fantasia or she can wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands. > > > What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and > entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. > > The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the > stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, > by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus > that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from > shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had disappeared! > > Eventually, I found on e boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. > > At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.. > > The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman > is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. > I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment. > > The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of > me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, > bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling > wrap. > > As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the > prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, there > you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit. > > I replied that I wasn 't so sure and asked what else sh e had to show me. I > tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, > and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a > serving ring. > > I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and came > out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough > day. > > I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in > mourning. > > I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would > have to wax my eyebrows to wear them. > > Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a shorts style > bottom and a loose blouse-type top. > > It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My > ridiculous search had a successful o u tcome, I figured. > When I got home, I found a label which read -- > 'Material might become transparent in water.' > > So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too .. I'll be the one in cut off jeans and a t-shirt! > > > 'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the > rain .' > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2008 Report Share Posted June 3, 2008 I had that happen to me too,.. ouch,... liefs Annemie Re: The Bathing Suit > Hi Annemie > > That's a good one. I remember wearing a t-shirt and cut offs as a > swimsuit, not because I didn't have one, but because I was so > sunburned. > > Hugs > Diane-Minnesota > > >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> It's almost that time of year - hope this at least > makes you smile. >> >> >> The Bathing Suit >> >> When I was a child in the 1960s the bathing suit for > the mature figure was >> boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as > engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a > good job. >> >> Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the > prepubescent girl with a >> figure carved from a potato chip. >> >> The mature woman has a choice-she can either go up > front to the maternity >> department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, > coming away looking like a >> hippopotamus who escaped from & nbsp;Disney's Fantasia > or she can wander around every run of the mill department store > trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer > range of florescent rubber bands. >> >> >> What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my > sensible choice and >> entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting > room. >> >> The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary > tensile strength of the >> stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes > was developed, I believe, >> by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, > which give the added bonus >> that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, > you are protected from >> shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your > passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought my way > into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in > place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had disappeared! >> >> Eventually, I found on e boob cowering under my left > armpit. It took a while to find the other. >> >> At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.. >> >> The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra > cups. The mature woman >> is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like > a speed bump. >> I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror > to take a full view assessment. >> >> The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it > only fit those bits of >> me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out > rebelliously from top, >> bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough > wearing undersized cling >> wrap. >> >> As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had > come from, the >> prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the > curtain, 'Oh, there >> you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit. >> >> I replied that I wasn 't so sure and asked what else > sh e had to show me. I >> tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like > a lump of masking tape, >> and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an > oversized napkin in a >> serving ring. >> >> I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with > ragged frills and came >> out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets > and having a rough >> day. >> >> I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked > like a jellyfish in >> mourning. >> >> I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut > leg I thought I would >> have to wax my eyebrows to wear them. >> >> Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair > with a shorts style >> bottom and a loose blouse-type top. >> >> It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I > bought it. My >> ridiculous search had a successful o u tcome, I > figured. >> When I got home, I found a label which read -- >> 'Material might become transparent in water.' >> >> So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any > other body of water this year and I'm there too .. I'll be the one > in cut off jeans and a t-shirt! >> >> >> 'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how > to dance in the >> rain .' >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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