RE: Re: question about spouse/significant other

[Guest guest]

very well put Jodie See you are experienced in being ill unfortunately.

Hugs!

Re: question about spouse/significant other

,

Oh, honey...yes o yes.

I know they (and others) say that they understand, but really gal, how

could they REALLY UNDERSTAND. I don't think anybody can, unless they

are actually going through it. I know that I don't understand what it

is like to have illness/situations/etc., unless I actually have them.

I think that it is safe to say that they try, and try hard I might

add, to understand.

You know the occasional short-tempered answers, etc.? Well, I know

that I get tired and frustrated with my illness myself, and I believe

that is the same thing that they are going through. I believe the

frustration is toward the illness and not our person. Unfortunately,

in our weakened state, we don't always realize that. I remember when

my father had cancer. I would get so P***** off at the side effects,

the situations, the people watching him, etc. that I am sure he felt

it and saw it. I remember he doc telling us to not take everything

personal--it is the illness. Well, , I think that goes both

ways, I think we need to remember that our illness effects our loved

ones too. I am sure that it is very hard for them to see us suffer.

Man, I sound like I know it all, huh? ha ha This, of course, is only

my opinion, which I can only get from my situation. Maybe you should

try and sit down and chat with him about your feelings. Just a thought.

Please hang in there. Keep chatting with us. I am new also, and I

soooooooooooo way love this.

Jodie

>

> Hey everyone. I have only posted a few times but am looking for some

> " advice " so to speak. I have CRPS and fibromyalgia, as well as plantar

> fascitis in both feet. So everyday has been a struggle for me. This is

> a work related injury (cat bite) which happened December 2006. Now

> worker's comp has dropped me so I have an attorney and we are fighting

> it.

>

> Anyhow, on to my question. I am married to a great man that I love

> dearly BUT (there's always a but isn't there?) he doesn't seem to

> understand what I am going through. What I mean is he'll " say " he gets

> it. Like when I am in a flare he always asks if there is anything he

> can do to help me. BUT when I really want to do something to help me

> like lay down, he gets an attitude. We have a 2 year old son together

> and I have a 13 year old girl from a previous relationship. I don't

> know if he doesn't want to deal with the kids alone or what the problem

> is but it's getting really frustrating to me!

>

> We just went on vacation (a cruise) and had a great time. Of course I

> had a horrible flare up when we were there and he was very attentive to

> me. But now that we are home, he's back in old habits again. I had a

> migraine earlier today and went to sleep when I got home (He wasn't home

> yet) When he got here, he woke me up???? We went to my daughter's

> softball game and I made the statement that I haven't had a headache

> like that in a long time. He said " well then go back to bed when you

> get home " but he said it snotty. It just seems to me when I was first

> diagnosed with this, he used to ask a lot of questions not only about

> how I am feeling but how my doctor's appointments were. That doesn't

> happen anymore. If I say I want to take a nap, I think he views it as

> me just being lazy (or that's the impression that I get) Not because I

> have fibromyalgia and am exhausted or have a migraine. I am dealing

> with the chronic pain, working full-time (don't ask me how), taking care

> of 2 kids, taking care of the house, etc. and am barely doing it.

>

> I am wondering if anyone else has been in this situation or is now? He

> is a good guy but I feel like we are moving apart slightly. Not a good

> feeling.

>

> Thanks!

>

> W.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the response. I do understand that is also affects him.

We have gone through that part of it and how it affects him. He has

come with me to my psychologist to discuss that as well. It's just

lately he seems to be totally losing interest to a point. I don't know

how to describe it well but it just doesn't seem the same anymore. I

almost feel as though he is getting " annoyed " with it. I know he hates

to see me in pain and I know that is a source of frustration for him.

But like I said he just doesn't get it. When I need to lay down I need

to lay down. But in all reality I never go to bed because of how he

reacts. I just deal with it. I am getting to the point where I can't

do it anymore. Like today I had a migraine and had to go to sleep.

Then he came and woke me up. Why? Why not let me sleep?

I just started going to a pain group and am very glad that I am going.

It's nice to be around others who DO understand what I am going through.

Actually the ironic thing is that my husband used to have CRPS in his

thumb a number of years ago. He had a nerve block and it went away from

there. I know I should sit down and talk to him but I am afraid it will

start a fight which is the last thing I want to do.

Anyhow, thank for the response. I do appreciate it! Welcome to the

group :-)

>

> Oh, honey...yes o yes.

>

> I know they (and others) say that they understand, but really gal, how

> could they REALLY UNDERSTAND. I don't think anybody can, unless they

> are actually going through it. I know that I don't understand what it

> is like to have illness/situations/etc., unless I actually have them.

> I think that it is safe to say that they try, and try hard I might

> add, to understand.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you. I'll check in tomorrow. I appreciate your comments!

Re: question about spouse/significant other

,

I still do understand. It sucks. One day I think things are smooth,

and then the very next day I think that I am losing him. Maybe, like

he is losing interest in me....afterall, I've gain a lot of weight, I

don't keep up my part (or any part) of anything in our lives, can't

have sex most of the time, don't even feel like putting on make-up,

blah, blah, blah, etc.

I sure understand how you hate to bring something up, fearing a fight.

We just don't seem to have fight in us. I hate to rock the boat.

Here is maybe a tip that may help someday, maybe like a migraine day.

I went to pain counseling for approx. 1 year. We learned a lot of

tools etc. One simple tool, that I never remember is....Put a little

sign on the door that says do not disturb. My husband comes in the

bedroom to put away clothes, while I am trying to sleep--or

whatever--get a comb, set his clock. You just reminded me of that

tool today. I am going to try and remember it next time.

I would like to give your husband a scubby snack for going to your

counseling sessions with you. That's really awesome.

I am hoping for a better day for you tomorrow. I also am hoping for a

better day for your husband. Please check in tomorrow and let us know.

Jodie

>

> Thank you for the response. I do understand that is also affects him.

> We have gone through that part of it and how it affects him. He has

> come with me to my psychologist to discuss that as well. It's just

> lately he seems to be totally losing interest to a point. I don't know

> how to describe it well but it just doesn't seem the same anymore. I

> almost feel as though he is getting " annoyed " with it. I know he hates

> to see me in pain and I know that is a source of frustration for him.

> But like I said he just doesn't get it. When I need to lay down I need

> to lay down. But in all reality I never go to bed because of how he

> reacts. I just deal with it. I am getting to the point where I can't

> do it anymore. Like today I had a migraine and had to go to sleep.

> Then he came and woke me up. Why? Why not let me sleep?

>

> I just started going to a pain group and am very glad that I am going.

> It's nice to be around others who DO understand what I am going

through.

> Actually the ironic thing is that my husband used to have CRPS in his

> thumb a number of years ago. He had a nerve block and it went away

from

> there. I know I should sit down and talk to him but I am afraid it

will

> start a fight which is the last thing I want to do.

>

> Anyhow, thank for the response. I do appreciate it! Welcome to the

> group :-)

>

>

>

> >

> > Oh, honey...yes o yes.

> >

> > I know they (and others) say that they understand, but really gal,

how

> > could they REALLY UNDERSTAND. I don't think anybody can, unless they

> > are actually going through it. I know that I don't understand what

it

> > is like to have illness/situations/etc., unless I actually have

them.

> > I think that it is safe to say that they try, and try hard I might

> > add, to understand.

> >

> >

>

>

>