Re: husbands

[Guest guest]

This seems to be a familiar, all too often, refrain. My late husband

was diagnosed

as type 2 in 1981 and was put on meds and a diet. On his next check-up,

his

numbers and weight were greatly improved. His second check-up the

numbers

were way high again and the doctor 'scolded' him. He decided that he

could manage it whenever he wanted to and didn't need the doctor

'nagging him. He never went back, quit

taking meds/diet, until early 93 when he started having problems with

his

vision (he had also become impotent). In late 93, in spite of

medications, numerous

retinopathic laser treatments, cataract removal, lens replacement, he

was

nearly blind (legally, he was). He died of complications in 1996...he

was

in his 50s. And as a couple of you have said, he didn't believe

anything

bad would happen to him...until it was too late. I hope that your

husbands

will take care of themselves. One very difficult thing that I learned

is that

however hard we try or want to help, we cannot do it for someone else.

Aside from trying to have proper nutritious foods available, and be

encouraging

by example, I don't know what you can do to help someone who doesn't

believe that they need help. We all miss him so very much.

Sadly -

rjm

[Guest guest]

HI Bev -

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this with your husband.

It is not fair to you. Please don't feel bad about your disability and

not being able to work. I am sure if you could, you would. But when

you have a chronic pain condition it doesn't allow a lot of us to work.

Nothing you did to cause that. So please don't let your husband or

anyone else make you feel bad for that. You need to take care of you.

My husband is not quite the same as your husband. I still work and

full-time at that. My doctor tells me that I shouldn't work full-time

but if I didn't he would have a fit over money. I make more money than

he does. He talks about money all the time. When I say things like 'My

doctor wants me to work part-time " he ignores what I say and moves on to

a different subject. He acts as though he's tired of hearing about my

pain condition and when I hurt. It's frustrating to say the least.

I know you said that you can't tell him your feelings, however can you

try? Can you just tell him that you need to sit down one night and talk

to him? Sounds like you really need to have a heart to heart as much as

you don't think he wants to.

Hang in there. Feel free to vent to the group whenever you need to.

That's what we are here for.

husbands

Hi. Does anyone have a problem with there spouses. I have not been

able to work since 2005.

[Guest guest]

hi bev when i mist my leg up and wanted to quit working i am a shamed to tell

this storey but uall are my famiey how so here gos she told me she would be

ashamed of haveing a husband on disibility and i would not get it i had i had

done worked 3 1/2 years 3 sergerys 2 total knees with rsd i rebelt houses from

the floor to the roof that is reel hard work so i workone more year i went

to bed one nite could not get out of bed the next i hert so bad i called

my crew and told thed i was done i could work no more my wife throuw a fit it

was 2 months before i was able to go sine up for disibility i told my wife i

would get terned down the firist 2 times but when i would get up in front of the

disibility judge i would get it it took all most 2 years to get in front of the

judge the judge looked at me and asked me wat i wanted to do rite now i said i

had took so menny pain pills for the trip to get here all i wanted to do was go

to sleep we finished the

hereing it took a little over 2 years to get my disibility but my wife bitched

for 2 years theres nothing rong with you you are not getting disibility she

thout rsd there was no such thing my lawure called me and sead i got my

disibility i told my wife she sead i no you got a letter last week i wish all of

you could have seen the look on her face she had to eat her words she put me

throuw hell for 2 years me like a nut i gave her half by back pay i took my half

bout one of the nicest ford trucks ford makes i said i did not want you to be

ashamed of me i did not want everbody thanking i was a bum she sead you son of a

bitch i had to vent it is bad enuff  bev you hert like hell and be treated less

than shoud be i know how you feel donnieKY 

husbands

Hi. Does anyone have a problem with there spouses. I have not been

able to work since 2005. Every once in a while he will make a smart

comment about me not working. We were going to take my son out to

dinner on Sun. When he found out he had a fit. He said and who is

going to pay for this. It will cost over one hundred dollars. He

started complaining how he works 70 houors a week.That of course is

his choice. I am a nurse and would be making alot more money then him

if I could still work. I feel terrible when he talks like that. He is

not the type of person that you can tell your feelings too. He thinks

if you can't work you are worth nothing. He never askes to take me in

the car. I can't drive. I rely on my on daughter to take me to buy dog

food or the craft store. I then start feeling really bad about myself.

Just wondered if anyone else has this problem.I am on s..s.d. Of course

that is only a drop in the bucket compared to what I was making. I am

glad for these kind of groups to vent. BEV

[Guest guest]

Hey Bev...Jodie here...

I really can't complain about my husband, but I can tell you about a

mother who keeps the knife spinning in my back. 15 years ago, she did

not believe me...I heard it all. What a bad mother I was; how I

should find a husband to help give my child a better life; I need to

get this " whatever it is " under control, because my child was

suffering; too lazy for work. You all know, you've heard those

before. But, what is crazy, is that even after all my procedures and

surgeries blah blah blah, she usually has something to say that will

dampen my day.

During the past 2 weeks, she has been driving me around to doc

appts.--post op. I've been having problems with the medication in my

pain pump....had to pay taxi extra 30 buck because I got sick in his

car, sick 3 times in 1 day at the doc office etc. etc. So, I finally

had to except rides from her. This is her doing something nice for

me. I CALL THIS THE " STROKE " .

Today, while driving the the doc., I said... " Yuk, what's that smell?

It smells like one of those cad. converts. " She looked at me and

said. " Jodie--that is you. It's all those drugs in your system. " I

CALL THIS THE " SLAP " . **By the way, I asked the doc...she said NO!!!**

I AM SOOOOOOOO SICK OF HER " SLAP/STROKING " ME, REGARDING MY

DISABILITY, I COULD (and probably should) VOMIT IN H-E-R CAR. LOL

Anyway, honey, I know that it is hard. Harder than heck. Sometimes

chatting with them helps and sometimes not. I am sooo sorry that you

are having to go through that. Try to keep your chin, honey.

Jodie

>

> hi bev when i mist my leg up and wanted to quit working i am a

shamed to tell this storey but uall are my famiey how so here gos she

told me she would be ashamed of haveing a husband on disibility and i

would not get it i had i had done worked 3 1/2 years 3 sergerys 2

total knees with rsd i rebelt houses from the floor to the roof that

is reel hard work so i workone more year i went to bed one nite could

not get out of bed the next i hert so bad i called my crew and told

thed i was done i could work no more my wife throuw a fit it was 2

months before i was able to go sine up for disibility i told my wife i

would get terned down the firist 2 times but when i would get up in

front of the disibility judge i would get it it took all most 2 years

to get in front of the judge the judge looked at me and asked me wat i

wanted to do rite now i said i had took so menny pain pills for the

trip to get here all i wanted to do was go to sleep we finished the

> hereing it took a little over 2 years to get my disibility but my

wife bitched for 2 years theres nothing rong with you you are not

getting disibility she thout rsd there was no such thing my lawure

called me and sead i got my disibility i told my wife she sead i no

you got a letter last week i wish all of you could have seen the look

on her face she had to eat her words she put me throuw hell for 2

years me like a nut i gave her half by back pay i took my half bout

one of the nicest ford trucks ford makes i said i did not want you to

be ashamed of me i did not want everbody thanking i was a bum she sead

you son of a bitch i had to vent it is bad enuff bev you hert like

hell and be treated less than shoud be i know how you feel donnieKY

>

>

>

> husbands

>

>

> Hi. Does anyone have a problem with there spouses. I have not been

> able to work since 2005. Every once in a while he will make a smart

> comment about me not working. We were going to take my son out to

> dinner on Sun. When he found out he had a fit. He said and who is

> going to pay for this. It will cost over one hundred dollars. He

> started complaining how he works 70 houors a week.That of course is

> his choice. I am a nurse and would be making alot more money then him

> if I could still work. I feel terrible when he talks like that. He is

> not the type of person that you can tell your feelings too. He thinks

> if you can't work you are worth nothing. He never askes to take me in

> the car. I can't drive. I rely on my on daughter to take me to buy dog

> food or the craft store. I then start feeling really bad about myself.

> Just wondered if anyone else has this problem.I am on s..s.d. Of course

> that is only a drop in the bucket compared to what I was making. I am

> glad for these kind of groups to vent. BEV

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

hi bev and group some spouses will never understand i have ben trying to talk to

my wife for 7 years use pain people look normal so some people will thank

nothing is rong with us untill thay get a cronic condishon thay will never under

stand my wife ask me the oter day why my leg was herting i sead anita i allwas

hert 24/7 never stop herting 7 years she still thanks rsd is not reel that i

donot need to take a pain i am a drug addic some people will never get it

donnieKY

husbands

Hi. Does anyone have a problem with there spouses. I have not been

able to work since 2005.

[Guest guest]

Amen, Donnie...

People, people, people!!!!!!!!!!!! They just don't understand that we

have a need for pain medication. Sometimes when they say " drug

addict " , I just want to look at them and say " so, you would be too "

or " drug dependent not addicted " , and then just walk away. Sometimes,

I don't even feel like giving them and single remark at all.

What I really hate, is that the remarks continue with different

" characteristics " (if you will). For example, I smelled a funny car

smell on the way to the doc the other day and I said pew....that car

stinks. My mother said... " Jodie, believe it or not, it is you. It is

the medication coming from your body " .

WHATEVER....................

Jodie

>

> hi bev and group some spouses will never understand i have ben

trying to talk to my wife for 7 years use pain people look normal so

some people will thank nothing is rong with us untill thay get a

cronic condishon thay will never under stand my wife ask me the oter

day why my leg was herting i sead anita i allwas hert 24/7 never stop

herting 7 years she still thanks rsd is not reel that i donot need to

take a pain i am a drug addic some people will never get it donnieKY

>

>

>

> husbands

>

> Hi. Does anyone have a problem with there spouses. I have not been

> able to work since 2005.

>

>