Grew up with 2 BPs & New Member Thank you

[Guest guest]

I am 23 years old and all my life I tried to rationalize and attempt

to understand how and why my mother would bring such fury, chaos, and

destruction to all us involved (for no apperant reason of course). I

discovered (with the help of my therapist) that my mother is a BPD

about two weeks ago and my life and scope of thinking has changed

drastically (as many of you know how that feels).

I lived 2 separate lives in the attempt to maintain and create

normalcy - 1 at home filled with physical, emotional, and verbal abuse

in this " house of doom " - as i learned to think of it. My fada worked

multiple jobs all my life and thought it was okay to leave me in a

house with my BP mother (though the BPD was unknown at the time, and

is still unknown by anyone except me), a BP grandmother who had

alzheimers, and an infant/toddler brother to take care of. My other

life consisted of everyhting and anything outside of the house - a way

to guaratee escape through being active in school, having stable

friends, particiapting in leadership activities, social events, the

community, and driving my education. Fortunately I got out as soon as

I could.

Only in the last year and with the help of my therapist have I begun

to meld those two polar lives into one, not feel ashamed or guilty of

the chaos that existed, and finally stop carrying a ball and chain of

experiences that I did not solely own. At different point of my life,

I was the all-good and no-good child, which makes it all very

confusing. I have had no contact with my mother for 9 months now.

I just finished reading SWOE and UBM, unable to put them down. I

joined this group last night and for the first time in my life can

actually feel like I connect to others' experiences and feel

understood. Forthis, I am beyond thankful.

If anyone has any experience with dealing with 2 BPs, please let me know.

Olya

>

> I have been in awe of the kind words and time everyone has taken to

> respond to my posting. It is such an inspiration to hear the strength

> and friendship that is shared here. So much has resonated with me as I

> have read everyone's personal stories. My relationship with my family

> has been something I have always tried to hide. To be able to share

> gives me such insight and makes my pain so much lighter. It feels hard

> right now but I have hope it will get better. Dealing with my nada has

> always felt like a rug being yanked out from under me with everything

> upside down, painful, and confusing. Thank you again.

> To Greg-I am new at this and shy at giving advice but I feel for you

> and what you are going through. Hang in there and know you are not

> alone.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Olya, Welcome to the group. I also read the books and did therapy

first before I joined this group. I am 25 but I found out my mom was

bp just 4 days after my 21st birthday just 3 days after the birth of

my second son. I remember reading the book ubm with such passion I

think I underlined the whole book. Therapy was ok for me but I think

I just haven't found the right T. yet for me. But finding this group

was a God send! It was the first time ever for me talking to

somebody who has been there and done that. This place has more

compassion love and insight than you will ever be able to find. I

have solved many problems here by reading or chatting. I hope you

keep coming back and you will find your way in life. Love Lizzy

> >

> > I have been in awe of the kind words and time everyone has taken

to

> > respond to my posting. It is such an inspiration to hear the

strength

> > and friendship that is shared here. So much has resonated with

me as I

> > have read everyone's personal stories. My relationship with my

family

> > has been something I have always tried to hide. To be able to

share

> > gives me such insight and makes my pain so much lighter. It

feels hard

> > right now but I have hope it will get better. Dealing with my

nada has

> > always felt like a rug being yanked out from under me with

everything

> > upside down, painful, and confusing. Thank you again.

> > To Greg-I am new at this and shy at giving advice but I feel for

you

> > and what you are going through. Hang in there and know you are

not

> > alone.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Olya,

Wow, you sound like you have a really good therapist. So many are

completely unwilling to even bring up this illness much less tell

anyone about it. Thankfully my SIL is kind of younger and told me

that she thought that's what my mom had. I was 29 when I finally

found out it had a name. I'm so glad you are younger and in therapy

and getting help and figuring out your life. I wish I had a few more

years under my belt of therapy, but my nada used therapy as a weapon

too in high school and so I was leary of therapists. Even now, its

hit or miss with which ones are willing and able to deal w/BP issues-

meaning lots of them prefer to stay in the dark about the nature of

this illness and its prevelance...much less take time to read those

two very awesome books your T recommended. Kudos for you!

In so far as your question, I think most everyone here has some kind

of experience in dealing w/two bps- not everyone but more than a few.

It doesn't happen in a vaccum and is passed down from generation to

generation. Consider yourself now to be fully disowning your rightful

inheritance by getting on this board, reading those books, being in

therapy and turning over a new leaf in your family tree. Borderlines

travel in packs- usually Wolf packs w/an alpha, beta and sometimes

omega and they do easily turn on each other. My mother is a

borderline and her mother before her more than likely (though she

mellowed w/age) and then my mother's dad's side has definite

borderline tendencies. My dad's mother most assuredly is a borderline-

a witch if ever there was one w/most moments of queen and waif and

hermit dispersed evenly. Witch is the main one and she's one scary

individual. I've got an aunt and uncle on my deceased dad's side who

are most assuredly borderlines and several cousins who are. One

uncle, the oldest and all-good child of the witch grandnada is not a

borderline. That would actually be a step up for him. He's a

sociopath and been on America's Most Wanted for Grand Larceny. I've

got a few cousins that are sociopaths too- in and out of jail. Most

however stick to the neurotic leanings.

This stuff doesn't change unless the KO (kid of) moves away and gets

help in the way of therapy. The youngest uncle on my dad's side moved

away and kept moving and then would move again and now he's in Alaska

and says that's still too close- perhaps China would be far enough? I

don't know. I just know that's one of the things that has helped me-

moving first 100 miles away to go to college and then now 1000 miles

away when I got married. Distance helps and now I'm creating an ocean

of emotional distance as well.

Welcome aboard. This place is extremely validating. Glad to hear you

have such a great therapist:)

Kerrie

> >

> > I have been in awe of the kind words and time everyone has taken

to

> > respond to my posting. It is such an inspiration to hear the

strength

> > and friendship that is shared here. So much has resonated with me

as I

> > have read everyone's personal stories. My relationship with my

family

> > has been something I have always tried to hide. To be able to

share

> > gives me such insight and makes my pain so much lighter. It feels

hard

> > right now but I have hope it will get better. Dealing with my

nada has

> > always felt like a rug being yanked out from under me with

everything

> > upside down, painful, and confusing. Thank you again.

> > To Greg-I am new at this and shy at giving advice but I feel for

you

> > and what you are going through. Hang in there and know you are

not

> > alone.

> >

> >

>