Re: about my lab results

March 24, 2006

Girlfriend....you are not alone! Just take a deep breath....and think good thoughts...forget the other crap till tommorow....."it will be another day." Easy said....but it is what it is..and you ain't pushing up daisies yet....just reach down and pull up your bootstraps and hang in there! lindausmcprincess3002 <usmcprincess3002@...> wrote: It's Friday night and I'm sure there's not too many reading the board right now, but I just have to spill my guts...My culture came back positive for Gram negative bacteria. The "Gram" is just a type of stain method used to identify different strains. The test results are preliminary so the actual bacteria has yet to be identified . I should know something Monday. But the fact that it's not MRSA is actually very worrisome. Gram negative is

not good by any stretch of the imagination. Okay, I'm scared to death right now. I don't want to be the patient in isolation in the hospital that all of the nurses are afraid to see. (I'll have you know that more often than not, I'm the nurse that willingly takes those patient's because I know they need me). Anyway, I'm truly mortified because this has been going on for so long there's just no telling what this strain has turned/evolved into. And then to make matters worse I'm in the middle of this domestic crisis. It's all just too much for me to. My future is so uncertain. The strong part of me is weakening with every passing minute, but I still have enough sense to know that I'll get through this. It's the unknown that scares me so much. I sit here with tears silently rolling down my cheeks filled with angst. The tears are not for the loss of my marriage, or not for my poor health, not for the fact that I'm so not in a position to

take care of myself alone, and it's not because I'm so clueless about money and where it all goes. You see I've already cried tears for each of those things independent of each other. I think it's all of those combined together and the fact that I literally have no idea where I will be a month from now or three months from now. I've always been such a carefully planned and calculated person and right now I can't plan for anything. I have absolutely no control. The fact that I would even post all of this on the board is so unlike me. I'm a sking myself how I could be so selfish when there are others who are suffering more than I. And how on earth can I be strong for those who need me to share my strength, when I am so weak? My thoughts are spinning inside my head in that ever-so-rapid circular motion. You know, the one that has no beginning and no end? Well, like the moment that I posted those pictures...I feel like my load has eased, if only for a

moment. Somehow divulging the fact that I too am vulnerable to fear brings a mild temporary peace... Enough of the PCS (Poor Christene Syndrome). Tmorrow is a new day with a new beginning. See...even time travels in a circle...Whoever reads this, thank you for just reading it. Christene

March 24, 2006

Christene

I am glad you spilled your guts - you shouldn't have to go through

this all alone. I don't exactly know the seriousness of gram

negative bacteria, but it seems like this is a good time for

prayer. You don't know where all of this is going, but God does,

and He cares so much for you. Sometimes He puts us through trials

not only to strengthen our character, but also so that we will have

no where to turn but to Him. I am going to pray for you tonight. I

will also check back in later to see if you posted again. Please

try not to panic, it can only add to your situation. Here's a verse

that I always find comfort in:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and

petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the

PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your

hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7

Christene, you are not alone. I'll be around tonight if you want to

post back and forth.

Hugs,

Cherie " Sauna Girl "

>

> It's Friday night and I'm sure there's not too many reading the

board right now, but I just have to spill my guts...

>

> My culture came back positive for Gram negative bacteria.

The " Gram " is just a type of stain method used to identify different

strains. The test results are preliminary so the actual bacteria

has yet to be identified . I should know something Monday. But the

fact that it's not MRSA is actually very worrisome. Gram negative

is not good by any stretch of the imagination.

> Okay, I'm scared to death right now. I don't want to be the

patient in isolation in the hospital that all of the nurses are

afraid to see. (I'll have you know that more often than not, I'm the

nurse that willingly takes those patient's because I know they need

me). Anyway, I'm truly mortified because this has been going on for

so long there's just no telling what this strain has turned/evolved

into. And then to make matters worse I'm in the middle of this

domestic crisis. It's all just too much for me to. My future is so

uncertain. The strong part of me is weakening with every passing

minute, but I still have enough sense to know that I'll get through

this. It's the unknown that scares me so much. I sit here with

tears silently rolling down my cheeks filled with angst. The tears

are not for the loss of my marriage, or not for my poor health, not

for the fact that I'm so not in a position to take care of myself

alone, and it's not because I'm so clueless about money and where it

all goes. You see I've already cried tears for each of those things

independent of each other. I think it's all of those combined

together and the fact that I literally have no idea where I will be

a month from now or three months from now. I've always been such a

carefully planned and calculated person and right now I can't plan

for anything. I have absolutely no control.

> The fact that I would even post all of this on the board is so

unlike me. I'm a sking myself how I could be so selfish when there

are others who are suffering more than I. And how on earth can I be

strong for those who need me to share my strength, when I am so

weak?

> My thoughts are spinning inside my head in that ever-so-rapid

circular motion. You know, the one that has no beginning and no end?

> Well, like the moment that I posted those pictures...I feel like

my load has eased, if only for a moment. Somehow divulging the fact

that I too am vulnerable to fear brings a mild temporary peace...

> Enough of the PCS (Poor Christene Syndrome). Tmorrow is a new day

with a new beginning. See...even time travels in a circle...

> Whoever reads this, thank you for just reading it.

>

> Christene

>

March 24, 2006

Hey Christene,

Hang in there girl. I know how mind boggling it all can be, but we are here praying for ya. I know when my cultlures came back MRSA OMG, I too was in shock, and panic and had thoughts of the isolation rooms.

One day at a time, this too shall pass.

Did you say you were using the Hibiclens? How about some Bactraban Ointment?

~ DeBolt~

about my lab results

It's Friday night and I'm sure there's not too many reading the board right now, but I just have to spill my guts...My culture came back positive for Gram negative bacteria. The "Gram" is just a type of stain method used to identify different strains. The test results are preliminary so the actual bacteria has yet to be identified . I should know something Monday. But the fact that it's not MRSA is actually very worrisome. Gram negative is not good by any stretch of the imagination. Okay, I'm scared to death right now. I don't want to be the patient in isolation in the hospital that all of the nurses are afraid to see. (I'll have you know that more often than not, I'm the nurse that willingly takes those patient's because I know they need me). Anyway, I'm truly mortified because this has been going on for so long there's just no telling what this strain has turned/evolved into. And then to make matters worse I'm in the middle of this domestic crisis. It's all just too much for me to. My future is so uncertain. The strong part of me is weakening with every passing minute, but I still have enough sense to know that I'll get through this. It's the unknown that scares me so much. I sit here with tears silently rolling down my cheeks filled with angst. The tears are not for the loss of my marriage, or not for my poor health, not for the fact that I'm so not in a position to take care of myself alone, and it's not because I'm so clueless about money and where it all goes. You see I've already cried tears for each of those things independent of each other. I think it's all of those combined together and the fact that I literally have no idea where I will be a month from now or three months from now. I've always been such a carefully planned and calculated person and right now I can't plan for anything. I have absolutely no control. The fact that I would even post all of this on the board is so unlike me. I'm a sking myself how I could be so selfish when there are others who are suffering more than I. And how on earth can I be strong for those who need me to share my strength, when I am so weak? My thoughts are spinning inside my head in that ever-so-rapid circular motion. You know, the one that has no beginning and no end? Well, like the moment that I posted those pictures...I feel like my load has eased, if only for a moment. Somehow divulging the fact that I too am vulnerable to fear brings a mild temporary peace... Enough of the PCS (Poor Christene Syndrome). Tmorrow is a new day with a new beginning. See...even time travels in a circle...Whoever reads this, thank you for just reading it. Christene

March 24, 2006

Christene,

You sound so much like I felt years ago! . . . I had

lost my job, my marriage was in the pits, financially

I was nowhere, and my health was spiraling downward.

That's when I had the dream where I experienced God. .

.. He told me to turn everything over to him. . . that

He would take care of me, my family, my friends AND my

enemies. . . I woke up with the dream fresh on my mind

and readily agreed to turn everything over to Him.

I immediately felt an enormous sense of relief. From

that point forward, He has taken care of me . . . time

and time again. He brought people into my life, put

information in my hands and ideas into my head that

brings everything I need to me.

I have absolutely no doubt that He will do the same

for you . . . All you have to do is ask Him then trust

in Him. . . He is the Way, the Truth and the Light .

.. .

Hugs and prayers,

God Bless,

Rogene

March 25, 2006

Dear ,

I read your email and it made so much sense to me, how often I have been in that exact same place I couldn't even begin to tell you. BUT things will get better and we WILL continue to fight what ever happens to us, what ever brings us down something will bring us back up again. You have a wonderful way with words that I envy, I have felt the same but couldn't have put my feelings down on paper. Just hang on in there things get better, you may have bad days but something always happens to lift our spirits again.

God bless

Love Sue

March 25, 2006

Christene,

I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this right now. Isn't

it amazing how devastating situations all present themselves at the

same time? I'm glad you felt like you could share all of this with

us, because you're right, it is so helpful to be able to unload all

of these burdens.

Just remember something you had posted in a previous message (today

I'll drink more water, today I'll eat healthy) and put that into

your daily living, use that same thought process for your current

situation. When the future is uncertain and everything is veering

out of control, focus on those things that are within your control

(even if they are very few right now). I definitely see you doing

that, you're doing all the right things - you're getting the skin

tests done, you're planning for an explant, you're seeking

information and you're not bottling up your emotions - you're

letting them out. I think the illusion of security is something we

all need, and when we realize that nothing is ever really a sure

thing, and we can't picture where we'll be in a month, then it makes

it very difficult to focus on the here and now.

My first husband was an alcoholic, so life with him was like being

on a roller coaster. Eventually I kicked him out and divorced him,

and at the same time my job was being eliminated (yes, I've been

downsized twice in my life, once 11 years ago, and then again last

year). I was hoping that was my last major crisis, but of course

that wasn't the case, and this past summer my life fell apart again

(job, health, marital problems which have since resolved). However,

it's all coming back together again, as yours will. It's just going

to be pretty insane while you're busy chasing after all the pieces

of the puzzle so that you can put them together again. You will

come out the victor in this, Christene. A year from now, perhaps

the implants will be out, the divorce will be behind you, and you'll

probably thank your husband for leaving! Of course at that point

your husband will see what an idiot he was, because your star will

be shining so brightly and his will be dim. People like yourself

always come out of horrible situations much stronger and more

confident than ever, but right now you have to go through all the

motions in order to get to the next stage. You'll get there, but

allow yourself to mourn and forgive yourself for feeling weak,

because that's what makes you human.

My oldest sister's husband had an affair a little over a year ago.

At that time, my sister was about 50-75 lbs overweight, she had

depended on her husband for financial support their entire marriage,

she focused on him and raising the children, and so she wasn't all

that into fashion or dolling herself up. In essence, she put

herself last. She was devastated by his affair. She couldn't eat

so she started dropping weight, and she decided that while the

weight was coming off, she may as well start exercising. She went

and jazzed up her look with a new haircut, started wearing makeup,

getting into fashion, and basically has spent the last year focusing

on herself. Well, she is so confident now, and even though she and

her husband are still together, her life no longer revolves around

him. He did end the affair, but the damage has been done to the

marriage. A year ago I told her to pay attention to all the

positives that have come from a negative, and all good things have

happened for my sister since the affair. She made lemonade out of

the lemons, and guess what - her husband is now on the begging end.

He can't handle that her world does not revolve around him. I went

on an interview a few weeks ago, and even though I knew the job

wasn't for me (and I already had another offer), I felt like I had

to go anyway. I asked them if I could send them resumes for other

people, because I thought this job would be right up my sister's

alley. Well, she interviewed for the job yesterday and they offered

it to her, at a great salary. Other than a small business that she

had for a few years, she never had a job outside the home, and she

is so excited. Her husband is totally threatened by it, and says

he'll leave if she takes the job. He told her that he is very

insecure and he needs a woman who will focus entirely on him. Well,

he had that woman and he blew it. See how things circle back? He

thought he held all the cards, and now he'd do anything to have what

he lost.

I'm sorry for the long, drawn out story, but my point is that you

are going to come out of this with flying colors, even though life

is so hard for you right now. Just keep the faith, allow yourself

to mourn, and focus on where you want to be a year from now, and

you'll get there.

Sis