update

[Guest guest]

hello everyone,

how are you all? I am hoping good. Today has been one of those days for me.

Not good. Spasms. It effects my speech, my balance the way I do things. I am

dog sitting until Friday, for a neighbor across the street. I love that dog.

She's so cute. And she's VERY tamed. Which makes it easier on me. And the

neighbors are awesome as well. We only have a couple of neighbors that are

awesome. Our next door neighbor, and the one across the street. Anyway, it

was sliding down and up the stairs day. I hate it. Made it outside. And

everything tenses up. Which makes me annoyed, so it tense up even more, to

the point it's so heavy it's hard lifting my feet without the fear of

falling flat on my face. I had asked my brother for help. I love him, and I

know he means well. I was so annoyed with myself that when he tells me, you

can do it. Just do it. I get upset, and he's annoyed because I can't do it,

and then I tell him, well you have NO idea what this is like for me. He does

have a bad knee. He tolerates pain. He's a mover. With his bad knee. I don't

tolerate pain. I am a major complainer when it comes to pain. But I am

working on it. He goes and gets me a cane, which helps some. My legs tenses

up when it comes to a small bump, on the sidewalk or driveway. And I am

trying so hard to relax my legs, so they are not so tense. I am shaking as

well. Because of the street and the anxiety, were kicking in. I was also

upset and angry at myself. I am going to ask my doctor about a mild muscle

relaxer. Or something to calm e down. This is all very annoying to me. You

know, it's very sad, when your neighbor who is 87 years old, helping a 30

year old across the street so I don't fall flat on my face. She's a very

sweet lady. I love her. She's like a grandmother to me. Very frusterating.

It's hard for me to have a social life. I love my friends dearly. And they

are awesome. They are very understanding if I have to cancel at the last

minute. My family is awesome too. Though sometimes they give me tough love.

Which annoys me. But I know they mean well. They have more faith in me than

I have in myself. I try and put the word " can't " out. It is very hard. On a

good note, I have lost a total of 29lbs since June. I was 230lbs. I am now

down to 201lbs. I am so stoked. You think losing weight would lesson the

pain. Wrong. I was 150lbs last summer. I had tons of energy. But, I still

have the pain. So, I had to be careful. If I overdo it, I'd have severe pain

for 4 days. Which sucks. And you all know how that feels. I am so blessed to

have you found you all. I always thought I was alone with the chronic pain.

I just want to say thanks for being special friends to me. Anyway, that's my

rant for the night. I am going to go and soak my feet. I have this little

spa thing for feet, and oh my, I love it! The brand is called Just Feet. Or

something like that. I also have the spray, and that works wonders too.

Since I hate putting lotion on my feet. I don't know why. Anyway, hoping you

all had less pain. And welcome to any new members that we might have.

      

Check me out on:

Myspace: http://myspace.com/ctr625

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=502509057

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Check out my kitty Otis on:

Caster

~*~*~*~*~*~

" The only people you need in your life are the ones that need you in thiers "

~*~*~*~*~*~*

" There comes a point in your life, when you realize who matters, who never

did, who won't anymore, and always will. So don't worry about people from

your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future. "