Re: Ruth and others... thanks!

[Guest guest]

Holly ,

That is the most amazing gift you gave me of sharing the memory of the words

on the plaque you saw!

I will cherish this in my heart always!

I'm smiling from ear to ear...thanks for the encouragement.

I can't tell you how dearly I relate to your story from your childhood.

I totally understand that feeling of staring spellbound at something like

that with almost morbid fascination. Oh man, you really hit the nail on the

head!

Picking out a mother's day card has always been the hardest thing for me.

What's with all the long poems about what a saint this person called " mom " is?

Things like " you are always there for me " ...and " you always make things

better " .

YOu know what?

I could never buy cards like that.

I just couldn't bring myself to lie...so I would search and search high and

low in the racks of Mother's Day cards unitl I found one with a relatively

vague message in it like " hope you have a wonderful day " or something like

that.

Isn't that funny? (or rather sad)

And looking at the other cards, it was like having a morbid glimpse into the

lives of what appears to be EVERYONE ELSE!

I mean, the things in the average card are so beautiful..it leaves me

spellbound to read it. I just can't imagine what that might have been like to

have a mother who was really " there " for me...no matter how I might have

behaved.

I can't imagine having a Mom who really made anything better.

As a matter of fact, when things went wrong my wicked witch nada made

everything sooooooo much worse.

Here's another thing that comes to mind>>>

One time I was at Costco looking at the books and this one caught my eye. It

had a picture of a little girl on the cover being hugged by her mother, and the

title was something like " the miracle of a mother's hug " .

I don't know about the rest of you, but for me this sort of picture is very

very very difficult to look at. It made me so uncomfortable, I immediately

looked away. And then something told me...just buy it. and it's like...half

of me was thinking " you're crazy right? You're going to BUY that book and

bring it home??? " and the other half was thinking: " You have to read it, how

else are you going to know what it means to have a mother, much less be one! "

So I did. I bought it.

It was one of the hardest things in the world to read.

It was like reading a horror book, or about a devastating tragedy.

I sat up that night while my husband was sleeping...(I was in the walk in

closet so I wouldn't disturb him) and I took it out and forced myself to look

at the cover. And I started crying...and the tears didn't stop...I read the

whole book (it's not that long).

And I sobbed and sobbed...(my husband is sort of hard of hearing...so I didn't

disturb him)

The little girl on the cover, she's probably about 6 or 7?

And she's all nestled in her mother's arms, and she looks so safe and

peaceful. And her mother is beautiful, and strong, and looks sincere, and

trustworthy, like she will fight to protect her little girl.

can you imagine that?

Well, I have no idea why I'm telling you all of this.

If anyone is even reading this, thanks so much for bearing with me.

(sorry to bore you if your BP is a fada, or you're the BP's son.)

all this mother-daughter talk.

Anyways, for those of you like me who are daughter of " nada's " , guess what,

we are all mothers...regardless of whether or not we have kids. We have had to

be mothers to ourselves.

Each of you is that strong beautiful mother keeping the little girl inside

safe. Fight for that little girl! She's worth it!

I found that the little girl in me was in severe pain, and as I listenned and

opened up, I have learned and I have started to heal.

Thanks for all the strength you have shared with me.

I feel so fortunate to have " met " you all.

Love,

Carry

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Freasabird,

That is sooo wonderful, to hear your experience, and to know you are

such a wonderful mother.

It's so good to know none of us are alone, huh?

It's so good to have eachother!

What an inspiration to me.

Thanks,

Carry

>

> Carry,

>

> I think you are replying to Holly's post about the plaque about

> motherhood? That one really struck me too. I've been so busy I

> haven't had much time to reply to posts lately, and now I can't find

> the original. I also searched high and low for a Mother's Day card,

> and still do the same for a Birthday card for my sister - I'm NC with

> parents, LC with her. When I was pregnant with my daughter, someone

> gave me one of those " Chicken Soup for the Soul " type books full of

> stories about mothers and their children. I remember sobbing and

> sobbing as I read it. I hoped I could give that type of relationship

> to my own daughter, yet knew that I had never experienced that - not

> once. My daughter is now 4 years old and while I am not perfect by any

> means, I am very proud of the way I am mothering my children. I am

> giving them what I never had, and I think in the process I am healing

> my own wounds. I am doing all those things I never got to do - finger

> painting, playdough, picking up leaves outside, watching ants, digging

> in the dirt just because. I dealt with so much of my past years ago

> but motherhood has taken me further down the road in my journey. I

> always wondered if I was the only one who hated card shopping, and

> avoiding all the advertising and media stuff around Mothers Day. I'm

> so glad you have all shared this, as it is nice to know that I am not

> alone. One thing that you said particularly struck me:

>

>

> > Anyways, for those of you like me who are daughter of " nada's " ,

guess

> > what, we are all mothers...regardless of whether or not we have kids.

> > We have had to be mothers to ourselves.

> > Each of you is that strong beautiful mother keeping the little girl

> > inside safe. Fight for that little girl! She's worth it!

>

> This is so true. In order to survive and heal we have all had to

> become our own mothers and/or fathers. And 13 years after going NC and

> seeking treatment for PTSD, I can tell you that the fight is well worth

> it. I think I will always have something I am " working on " as this

> type of wound is so very deep, but that initial excruciatingly hard

> work, that fight for the little girl inside, was one of the best things

> I have ever done. It gave me a life - a real life - the life I was

> meant to have and should have had from the beginning.

>

> Fresabird

>

>