Is there something after anger?

January 6, 2006

I was reading Kerry's post about her cousin who has worked hard to recover from

BPD and

it made me really happy because it's a story that has the hope of letting the

people

involved move on.

Since Februrary of 2005, when I started admitting to myself that I indeed had a

problem

with my mother and that I needed to get into therapy, I've been slowly admitting

all the

abuse I took and all the things I've suffered. It was really hard for me at

first--because I

had to deal with my anger and that causes me a lot of anxiety and actually some

weird

phobias (I so thought I was going insane--has anyone else had those?)

Anyway, just feeling anger was kind of a breakthrough for me so I haven't wanted

to deny

myself that and I know I'm not done digging around and going back and feeling

angry at

some of that old stuff I never dealt with. I can definitely see that there are

a lot of you on

this list who are working through the same things. It almost seems to be a

cycle--you

could feel like you're at peace for a while and then WHAM--you remember

something, or

you get an obnoxious phone call. . .

But I'm wondering what's after being angry. Not that I think I can skip feeling

angry, just

that I don't want to stay that way forever--holding onto it forever doesn't seem

to be the

way to go either--my BPD mom's anger at her BPD mom hasn't helped her, it seems.

And you can't really forgive someone who refuses to admit that they hurt you,

refuses to

stop hurting you etc and abuses you just for bringing it up. My mom has never

appologized except to say, " I'm sorry but (insert why it's all my fault here).

So, those of you who've been working on this a while, what do you do with the

anger? Or

is there something else? Can you find peace without forgiving your BPD parent?

Has

anyone forgiven their BPD parents? What does it look like down the road?

Trish

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