Re: Re: Did you believe your nada's projections?

[Guest guest]

,

I agree and you said it all so beautifully. Thank you.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- cre8within wrote:

> Hi,

>

> I remember reading in UBM that a child will believe their nada is

> good vs. bad because they need her in order to survive. I think it

> is essential for recovery to take a look at what we assumed about

> ourself in order to survive our FOO. At some point as we discover

> our real self we begin to realize that there is this 'other self'

> that is not really who we are but who we became to survive.

>

> I have realized the projections that nada's self loathing took and

> the most common was that I was stupid and slow. I wasn't allowed to

> be intelligent or confident because if she felt threatened at all

> then I was punished and ridiculed so I learned to play dumb which

> perpetuated the vicious cycle.

>

> I didn't know for a long time what I believed about myself because I

> was so shut down and detached from my real feelings. It wasn't until

> I got away from nada that I began to see all the negative

> projections. It is painful to think of being attacked as a child in

> such a vicious and harsh manner by the very person who should have

> been showing me love and tenderness.

>

> I find that when I get around people who tend to correct me or one-

> up everything I say, that I begin to shut down and lose confidence.

> I am aware of it and have begun to learn to remain present and not

> become what they need me to be: inferior. That is what nada needed

> and I held back so much of my intelligence and creativity.

>

> At some point one just has to state: 'What nada said about me is

> untrue, it has nothing to do with me or reality and everything to do

> with her and her insecurities. She was simply wrong and I don't have

> to be that small. I can be the grandest version of myself instead.'

>

> It is a powerful realization when we see who we are not because it

> leads us to discovering who we really are. I feel grateful to have

> understood this because so many people go through their whole lives

> believing the lies someone else projected onto them and they never

> know or feel how special they really are. That is a damn shame and

> in that sense they have been robbed, their lives stolen from them.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Hello everyone! Some of the posts I've been reading here lately

> along with some work I've

> > been doing in Surviving A Borderline Parent have lead me to

> realize that some of the

> > things my nada projected onto me I totally bought.

> >

> > I mean, I've caught her projecting onto me before and not believed

> her, but I'm surprized

> > at what I DID believe and just taken in as part of my self

> concept. I'm wondering if there's

> > anything I've missed and would LOVE to hear your experiences.

> >

> > Here are some examples:

> >

> > My nada has always told me I was vain and teased me for it, but

> now I see that this is just

> > not the case (thanks to the histrionics thread!)

> >

> > My nada used to berate me as a child for being " unorganized. " I

> always believed her,

> > thinking that she was organized--I was shocked when I finally

> realized that all of the

> > evidence pointed to this being untrue. (you should see her desk

> and her office--yikes!)

> >

> > My nada also has this game of projecting the " bad wife " onto me

> when she comes to visit,

> > accusing me of doing the things to my husband that she's always

> done to my dad. She like

> > to tell me that I have this " what's mine is mine, what's yours is

> mine " attitude towards my

> > husband.

> >

> > Uh yeah, and I was split good--so I know some of you will have

> some tales to tell!

> >

> > Trish

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

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