Re: Valentine's Day--the hollerdays!

[Guest guest]

Non-bp, you are a funny, funny man. I really enjoyed that and you are so right.

I will not

be spending thanksgiving or x-mas w/ my foo next year and I am so excited and

relieved

to have a nice holliday for once. When I saw how my husband's family does it I

just

thought, " this is for me! " No rages, no public humiliation, no pain from

teeth-grinding, no

death threats. . .Ahhhhh!

Trish

>

> > Well I got several cards in the mail today from nada to celebrate

> > Valentine's Day. This is the first contact she's attempted since our

> > blow-out at the end of December. I have NOT tried to reconnect at all.

> >

> > I guess I'm posting b/c I just feel sick to my stomach when I even

> > see her name and address on a return address label in my mailbox. Its

> > like I just wish she'd up and croak sometimes though honestly I'd

> > just prefer to have her healthy or never have anything to do w/me

> > again. Naturally she acted like all was fine- writing this whacked

> > out stuff to my children. I threw the card addressed to me in the

> > trash after opening it and reading it. It was stupid. She can't send

> > gifts so now she's going to pump up on Hallmark cards (recap- she

> > can't send gifts b/c I told her not to or else they'd be returned-

> > the latest boundary). She never sends Valentine's Day cards and I

> > think its freaky to do so when we've definitely not made any peace

> > between us since December. I suppose she just wants to sweep it all

> > under the rug. I feel the same most times- just sweep the whole damn

> > relationship under the rug and never bring out for the light of day

> > again. Just forget about her and never respond again, KWIM? I don't,

> > however, feel even a remote inkling to pretend anymore that everthing

> > is okay or that it ever will be okay. I have no desire to live in

> > denial anymore or to have a false sense of peace that inside is just

> > the dormancy of a volcano that will eventually erupt again. I just

> > don't have any compulsion to go down that road again- to buy any of

> > her lies, to have any hope in the relationship, to look forward to

> > any reconcilliation. I have more hope than I have ever had in my

> > entire life right now, but none of it is associated w/the FOO. Rather

> > the life I've built far away and vastly different than the way I was

> > raised.

> >

> > Anyway, I'm sure some of you can relate to the awful feeling of just

> > ulkiness as you walk from your mailbox to your living room to open

> > the mail and contemplate just throwing it in the trash or what

> > craziness she's going to try and pull next. In the end, I am even

> > wondering why I don't throw away the cards addressed to my kids when

> > I threw the one to dh and I away right away. Why do I feel compelled

> > to protect a relationship I do not want to exist currently? The

> > grandparent relationship. Why do I respect the autonomy of that

> > relationship when she clearly has no respect for my rights as a

> > parent to parent as I see fit (saying crap such as 'you're holding my

> > grandkids hostage' vs 'holding your kids hostage'- no its about nada-

> > not me...I don't even have a right to claim MY children. They are HER

> > grandchildren- ugh). I will sit on it for a while and perhaps throw

> > these cards in the trash too.

> >

> > Wow- so much has changed in me. So much. And yet still so much left

> > that needs to be changed and addressed. Just mulling over the ulky

> > feelings that came up today.

> >

> > Thanks for listening/reading.

> > Kerrie

> > PS Hope everyone has a Happy Valentine's Day!

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

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