Guest guest Posted February 12, 2006 Report Share Posted February 12, 2006 Hi , It does seem that your old friend has some things that she needs to work through. I got the feel from what you wrote that she doesn't want to be relied upon for support during stressful experiences or she may be envious of your accomplishments(wedding, pregnancy). Have you told her how her actions have hurt you? She seems very inwardly focused, she may not know how her behavior affected you. Depending on her response, you could determine if contact should be continued. Adria mkatplustwo wrote: Hi everyone, I just received an email from an old friend. Someone I went nc with the same time I did with nada. This isn't the first time she has reached out to me but it has been a while. She was one of my closest friends but I wonder if my fleas were responsible for attracting me to her. We were very tight together but my biggest issue was her uncanny ability to drop out of sight at the worst moments. Ie: When I got married she dropped out of being a bridesmaid because the dress cost too much. I offered to pay for it but she declined. No real reason. Then I found out she was planning a trip across the country. Not during my wedding but after ???? She attended the wedding but sat in the back and we didn't talk much. Then, she came back in to my life for a while until I got pregnant with my ds. Not even one phone call after he was born. I called her and she barely mentioned my kid. She had a habit of calling just when she needed her best bud to lift her up. Sometimes she would just say the most inappropriate things too. Like after she had laser eye surgery I said maybe i'd look into it too. Her response was I'd be 50 before I could afford something like that. WTF? I don't really think it was purposeful. I think she has had issues of her own. I was very angry at her at the same time all the sh** hit the fan with my nada and foo. I couldn't deal with her jealousy or resentment or whatever it was! Would you reconnect with an old friend like that? Maybe just to tell her why you no longer wish to remain friends. Or even give her another chance (on my terms of course)? Am I being petty? I feel bad for even remembering all the things she did " wrong " in such detail. Like I've been waiting and cataloguing a list of how she did me wrong - LOL. Maybe that's another one of my fleas. Nada would hold on and carry any little thing she thought had been done against her and pulled it out in every rage. I feel silly like maybe I am holding on to a grudge. Thanks, Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Just bumping this up a bit to see if anyone has any words o' wisdom! Thanks, cb > Hi: > > It's been a while since I posted here...I have a question I hope > some of you can offer insight on.. > > About six years ago, I bought my first house and my mother gave me > my grandmother's china cabinet, along with some of her crystal and > knick knacks. These items mean a lot to me, as my grandmother > passed away several years ago, and I loved her very much. My > mother, on the other hand, has always made it very clear that she > hated my grandmother (her mother), even after her death. These > items are not really for use, but for looking at and remembering. > > > I am now NC and I have not spoken to her in almost a year. I have > let her know that I want no further contact, yet she continues to > harass me with letters and emails, asking for old pictures, dishes, > money that she feels I owe her (and I don't owe anything). I know > that this is a tactic to hurt me and I am tired of it. I just want > her to leave me and my family alone. > > > Recently, she asked for the return of the items in the china > cabinet. I consulted with an attorney and was told that legally, I > am not obligated to return them, which is a relief, but he said that > getting a restraining order would probably not be possible. > > I have blocked her phone number so I don't get calls from her. I > have returned most of the mail I have received or I have thrown it > away although now I am keeping copies in a file just in case she > decides to " get legal " . Her notes and emails pretty much paint a > picture of someone with BPD. I am pretty sure that her disorder was > documented in her chart about two years ago during a hospital stay > for a surgery she had. My brother told me that the last time she was > admitted to the hospital for her hip replacement, that she asked the > check-in person to " please remove that 'BPD' from my chart - I don't > have that " or something to that affect, so I know that she's been > informed one way or another that she has the disorder. > > Have any of you ever written a " legal-like " letter stating that you > want no further contact? If so, what exactly did you say? Should I > mention the fact that I know of her diagnosis of BPD? Can any of > you share the " template " of your letters (omitting dates, names, > etc)? > > Thank you for any advice, > > cb > > > > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35- SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Cat, Since you are NC, and you have even told your nada that you don't want any contact, it seems like the first action is to just ignore any and all of her attempts at contact. Is she geographically close enough to stop by unannounced? If so, I would be prepared to not answer the door, and to call the police if she should get disruptive. If you have to talk to her, could you say that you checked with your lawyer, and you learned that the items are yours, as they were given to you, and you are going to keep them because they are loving reminders of your grandmother. It seems my suggestions are to plan for different contingencies. I do think that the less interaction is the best - unless you want to use this as a means to fortify the boundaries you have already set with her. Sylvia ........> > Hi: > > > > It's been a while since I posted here...I have a question I hope > > some of you can offer insight on.. > > > > About six years ago, I bought my first house and my mother gave me > > my grandmother's china cabinet, along with some of her crystal and > > knick knacks. These items mean a lot to me, as my grandmother > > passed away several years ago, and I loved her very much. My > > mother, on the other hand, has always made it very clear that she > > hated my grandmother (her mother), even after her death. These > > items are not really for use, but for looking at and remembering. > > > > > > I am now NC and I have not spoken to her in almost a year. I have > > let her know that I want no further contact, yet she continues to > > harass me with letters and emails, asking for old pictures, > dishes, > > money that she feels I owe her (and I don't owe anything). I know > > that this is a tactic to hurt me and I am tired of it. I just > want > > her to leave me and my family alone. > > > > > > Recently, she asked for the return of the items in the china > > cabinet. I consulted with an attorney and was told that legally, > I > > am not obligated to return them, which is a relief, but he said > that > > getting a restraining order would probably not be possible. > > > > I have blocked her phone number so I don't get calls from her. I > > have returned most of the mail I have received or I have thrown it > > away although now I am keeping copies in a file just in case she > > decides to " get legal " . Her notes and emails pretty much paint a > > picture of someone with BPD. I am pretty sure that her disorder > was > > documented in her chart about two years ago during a hospital stay > > for a surgery she had. My brother told me that the last time she > was > > admitted to the hospital for her hip replacement, that she asked > the > > check-in person to " please remove that 'BPD' from my chart - I > don't > > have that " or something to that affect, so I know that she's been > > informed one way or another that she has the disorder. > > > > Have any of you ever written a " legal-like " letter stating that > you > > want no further contact? If so, what exactly did you say? Should > I > > mention the fact that I know of her diagnosis of BPD? Can any > of > > you share the " template " of your letters (omitting dates, names, > > etc)? > > > > Thank you for any advice, > > > > cb > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @ > SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. > > > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35- > SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding > the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline > Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the > WTO community! > > > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and > author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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