Re: I really need help now--any ideas welcome

[Guest guest]

Thrish,

What The F****?! I had a hard first day at work; do you want a divorce? Pass

the salt: do you want a divorce? One thing has nothing to do with the other?

His behavior is nuts. How is that a foundation to build trust on? Intimacy?

etc. Wow! NO wonder you are stressing. Your world is turned upside down in a

different country. I also sensed this thread of like it is your responsibility

to fix this. In the immortal words of Parks, " Oh, Hell No! " Do you have a

friend you could stay with a couple of days over there? Do you have enough to

go to a motel or a B & B and stay for a couple of days? A stable man or woman

would not make that kind of remark. This one is over my head, but I would

suggest above all, take great care of yourself FIRST. Make sure that you're

covered. Do you have a therapist over there or here that you can call?

I am praying for you, Trish.

TAKE CARE OF YOU!

Greg.

tlblack2006 wrote:

Hey guys, I'm under some pretty serious stress right now and am

working to see what of it is my KO-ness and what of it I really am

clear on.

Yesterday was really stressful for me and I was already feeling at my

wit's end when DH came home: cruising around a foreign city, looking

for work, I even had to call in a gas leak in our building and the

fire department came and closed down the street and all of us were

locked out for a couple of hours. Scary.

Anyway, when he got home, DH had had a really bad first day with his

students. He's in a hard school in a bad part of town and he's not

used to it. I know it's hard, but he told me he wanted to quit after

the first day(which means he will never teach in this country again)

and take a year off--maybe to travel--and then we can move back to the

US and work next year(good bye savings). He also said that he'd

understand if I wanted to leave him because of this. I just remember

feeling like I didn't know if I could take anymore stress and kind of

numbed out for a while.

I know that part of it is probably that he's exhausted too and just

catastrophizing out loud, but I totally turned my life on end and gave

up a lot to come here. I've been working so hard to make it work here

and have JUST been beginning to think everything will be ok.

I can't believe he'd turn my life upside down without even trying to

work for a week! He hasn't left his job yet, but he won't commit to

anything right now. Maybe it will all work out, maybe not--suddenly

I'm in limbo.

I'm shocked. What's hardest for me right now is that someone that I'd

really grown to trust seems willing to make a decision that he knows

will hurt me. He even seems willing to take the risk of our mariage

ending for this.

I mean, I wouldn't blame him if he wasn't able to make it through the

year in this job because it really sounds like the conditions are that

bad. But to not even try--it feels like he's abandoning our life and

our mariage without even a fight.

I somewhat discussed this with him last night and then we both got to

work on his lesson for today to see if we could discipline-proof it

for tomorrow. Maybe that will help.

Then again, maybe that's just my KO speaking--maybe he's right that a

year being so stressed that his health is in danger is not the thing

to do. His health is not in danger now, but it could be if things

don't improve. Maybe I'm just hoping he can survive at this school

and he really knows he can't already--he wouldn't be the first teacher

to walk out of an assignment like that.

I really can't believe this, didn't see it comming and have never seen

him do anything like this before. All of my trust issues are going

crazy right now as is my fear of chaos etc. I can't be maried to

someone that create this kind of drama all the time--I didn't think he

was that kind of person. . . but now I'm wondering. And I'm also

wondering if I'm not just being selfish here. I have needs, of

course, but I don't want him to work himself into a state of illness

or depression so that I can meet them.

Ok, please let me know if you have any insight into this. I'm going

to try to pull myself together this am(it's morning here) and go

running and try to mediate before my job interview--which I don't even

know is worth my time anymore.

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