Re: my nada has replaced me -- Trish & All

[Guest guest]

Trish and All,

My nada has seemed more interested in obliterating my identity than

stealing or replacing it. However, maybe replacing it was her real agenda

the thousands of times she told me that “other mother’s sons” do so many

things better than me, without all the problems I create for her by having

my own identity.

Whether it’s a personality, an inexpensive heirloom, a soul, membership in

the family, connection with humanity, or a place in the world, she’s tried

to deny it to me. Maybe she overlaid what she wanted my identity to be

onto can’t-do-wrong Hero NPD w/ BPD tendencies older brudda, and that’s

why he’s doubly white and wonderful.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- tlblack2006 wrote:

> Have any of you been replaced? It is kind of surreal. My nada seems

> to have realized that I really never will become the daughter she

> would like, she has found a replacement. I've been picking up on the

> " comparing " vibes for a while--like when I was younger and my nada

> would say, " ______ is so feminine and cute! Why can't you be like

> that? "

>

> Nada has " adopted " my younger brother's kind-of girlfriend (won't even

> go into their relationship). By adopted, I mean that the girlfriend

> now lives with my parents most of the week and relys on them for

> transportation. She has been telling me how she really likes this

> girlfriend because: 1. she didn't " hold a grudge " at my nada when she

> went to the dark side and humilated her in public, 2. she is

> traumatized and helpless at the threat of abuse, 3. she seems to enjoy

> sharing deeply personal info w/my nada, 4. she is thin, blond and has

> huge breasts(clearly an important character trait) 5. she allows my

> brother to treat her like a doormat, 6. she wears really revealing

> clothes, much of which my nada buys for her or makes for her, 7 she

> doesn't like my brother that's split black.

>

> YUCK!!!!!!!I think that this has sealed for me the importance of not

> seeking approval and acceptance from my nada. Being to nada's liking

> would be absolutely self-destructive. I'm almost finding this amusing

> in a twisted way, and I think that shows progress. It's funny how the

> things nada seems to most appreciate in baby-brother's girlfriend are

> the things I've consciously decided not to do in my life--some of them

> are even things I've gone to therapy NOT to do--Except for the not

> having huge breasts, that one just came naturally;)

>

> Trish

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