having babies Question

[Guest guest]

Talk about hitting a sore spot. I can't help but wonder from time to time

how I will bear to watch when Caitlyn starts to play Mommy. I feel I must

disagree with others view of letting them enjoy their fantasy in peace.

Though often healthy children grow up to find they can't bear children, it

comes as a terrible shock. But at least they can adopt.

I think reality must tell us that though I can't speak for Destiny, many of

our CHARGErs will not qualify for adoption. Adoption is not easy, parents

must go through strenuous tests and pay a fortune. Foreign adoptions are

cheaper and easier than domestic adoptions but that doesn't mean they are

cheap or easy. An example of the process. It's easier and much cheaper to

adopt a special needs child, but many of us have children who as an adult

will have a hard enough time caring for a healthy child, they may not be

able to handle the additional needs and stresses of a spec needs child.

I tell you all this because I have 3 friends who are unable to bear children

and have researched the adoption process thoroughly. This is what they've

shared with me.

Domestic adoptions of healthy children usually cost about $100,000 to cover

legal fees and often the medical expenses of the mother. Parents must prove

they are healthy. Adoption agencies will not place children in homes where

a parent (particularly the mother) has a medical condition that either

currently or is expected to within the next 18 years result in the mother

having a disability or is terminal. Keep in mind that these agencies are

run by people who can't understand how a mother who is blind, deaf, MR, in a

wheelchair, etc. could provide adequate care for a child. And because there

is an overabundance of mothers waiting for healthy children to adopt, these

people get to choose who gets children and who doesn't. It is easier

however, to adopt spec needs children (particularly severely disabled

children) and older children.

I don't know about Destiny, but I doubt that Caitlyn will ever have the

intelligence to have a job where she could pay for an adoption let alone

care for another human being.

Foreign adoptions usually cost about $30,000 to cover travel expenses and

administration fees. Most children are passed off as healthy, but often the

children have developmental and behavior problems because of the deplorable

conditions of the orphanages abroad.

2. Adoption of spec needs children can run about $15,000 in legal and

administration fees.

I think it's better to plant a seed in our child's head, that though it's OK

to pretend, that not everybody gets to be a Mommy. And point out relatives,

friends, neighbors, etc. who are say over 50 years old and do not have any

children, and explain that that's OK. Keep it simple and like no big deal.

I think it would be cruel to allow these dreams to live on in a child like

mine who I know should not and most likely cannot ever have children. If

she can learn to accept this when she's young, maybe she won't fight me on

getting her tubes tied when she's a teenager. I can't think of anything

more horrible, than some a----- taking advantage of a mentally disabled

young girl who wants to make a friend and then she gets pregnant. Her heart

will most likely not survive a pregnancy anyway. So getting her pregnant

would probably be a death sentence.

Sorry to go on so, but what do you expect with such an emotionally charged

question.

Jeanne

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