Guest guest Posted September 22, 2006 Report Share Posted September 22, 2006 Welcome to the group! This is a wonderful group of people. I am the daughter of a ubpd/apd (undiagnosed borderline/anti-social personality disorder) nada (mother). I've been NC (no contact) from my family for more than 13 years. I just found out about bpd this year, and then found this group. It has been very healing for me to meet all of these people who had mothers like mine. Have you read " Understanding the Borderline Mother " by Lawson? I had a therapist mention bpd many years ago, but didn't know what it was. Even after reading about it I wasn't sure if it fit. Then I read UBM and everything clicked. My mother is probably combination of bpd and apd, but the " witch " description in UBM fit her so well it was scary. It is not an easy book to read, but if you haven't yet, I would highly recommend it. It might help you in trying to decide if bpd fits your mother. I wish none of us had parents like we did, but I'm glad we have this group to share our journey. It really is an amazing place. Welcome. Fresabird > This is dead scary for me; I've never belonged to a support group > online. My counselor is pretty sure my mother has borderline > personality disorder based on the things I have told him. As far as > I know she has never been to a counselor and has never had that > diagnosis. My counselor says he can't make a sure diagnosis without > ever meeting/talking with her. I've invited her to counseling with > me but she wouldn't come. > > Here is a little about me: I'm in my early thirties, a mother, a > wife and my relationship with my mother is causing serious problems > in my life; including interferring with my marriage and my > parenting. Growing up there were five of us kids who are all now > adults. > > It has been about 7 mos since my counselor suggested my mother has > BPD and it is just now that I feel o.k. about accepting that maybe > she has it. It almost took my breath away in the beginning to think > she had this. When I first read the book " Stop Walking on > Eggshells " (at my counselor's encouragement) I could identify our > relationship with a lot of the scenarios in the book, but felt like > there was a lot of gaps; missing things I couldn't identify with. > > I guess the reason I'm joining this group is to get a broader > understanding of others' experience with BPD. I'm ready to accept > that my mom may have this but it I don't want to approach our > relationship from the standpoint of her having it until I feel > confident she has it. It is such a hard thing for me to accept. > Right now I feel so confused. She accused me of being mentally ill > (telling this to my husband, other siblings, family members). I was > really upset by this (she has done this before) so I went to a > counselor to be evaluated and he assures me I am not crazy, nuts, > mentally ill. He does believe I was raised by a mentally ill > mother. I have continued counseling (I've been going for a year) > and find it immensely beneficial in maintaining bounaries with my > mother. I have so many questions and I hope this group helps me > sort things out. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2006 Report Share Posted September 23, 2006 Cyrushap, welcome to the group. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I 'm 30 as well, maried, no kids yet but can't immagine how much I'd have to work to protect them from my mother's crazy-making. I went to therapy because I was having serious anxiety that was affecting a lot of areas of my life. . .and because my relationship with my mother was making me nuts. My therapist mentioned she may have BPD and I took about 6 months before I could even stand to read up on it. My mother has never been diagnosed and I honestly don't care. She fits the classic symptoms and the suggestions for dealing with her and for healing myself that I get from this site and from my reading is/has been extremely helpful. And even if my mother doesn't have BPD, she has some serious issues with boundaries, rage, abuse, lying etc--all of which can be addressed by some of the strategies I've learned here. I'm not treating her after all, I'm just trying to survive having grown up with her as a mother and manager my relationship with her now--so a formal diagnosis isn't that important to me. I don't think it's a surprize your mother tried to say you were mentally ill. That's classic projection--she can't face her own issues and so accuses you of having them. My nada tends to call people crazy who refuse to have contact with her. . .because when it happens it puts her own sanity in question. The " smear campaign " in which your BP tells everyone you know some bogus thing about you is also very typical and I think there are many of us who have experienced it. Anyway, I think you'll find a lot of help and understanding on this site. And there's nothing to be afraid of (although I was also terrified when I started this group). It's all uphill from here. Trish > > This is dead scary for me; I've never belonged to a support group > online. My counselor is pretty sure my mother has borderline > personality disorder based on the things I have told him. As far as > I know she has never been to a counselor and has never had that > diagnosis. My counselor says he can't make a sure diagnosis without > ever meeting/talking with her. I've invited her to counseling with > me but she wouldn't come. > > Here is a little about me: I'm in my early thirties, a mother, a > wife and my relationship with my mother is causing serious problems > in my life; including interferring with my marriage and my > parenting. Growing up there were five of us kids who are all now > adults. > > It has been about 7 mos since my counselor suggested my mother has > BPD and it is just now that I feel o.k. about accepting that maybe > she has it. It almost took my breath away in the beginning to think > she had this. When I first read the book " Stop Walking on > Eggshells " (at my counselor's encouragement) I could identify our > relationship with a lot of the scenarios in the book, but felt like > there was a lot of gaps; missing things I couldn't identify with. > > I guess the reason I'm joining this group is to get a broader > understanding of others' experience with BPD. I'm ready to accept > that my mom may have this but it I don't want to approach our > relationship from the standpoint of her having it until I feel > confident she has it. It is such a hard thing for me to accept. > Right now I feel so confused. She accused me of being mentally ill > (telling this to my husband, other siblings, family members). I was > really upset by this (she has done this before) so I went to a > counselor to be evaluated and he assures me I am not crazy, nuts, > mentally ill. He does believe I was raised by a mentally ill > mother. I have continued counseling (I've been going for a year) > and find it immensely beneficial in maintaining bounaries with my > mother. I have so many questions and I hope this group helps me > sort things out. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2006 Report Share Posted September 23, 2006 Hi and welcome, As soon as I was able to, after leaving my family home, I went into therapy. This was because through my whole childhood my nada (a term some of us use for our BPD mother, it means 'not a mother') would tell me I was crazy. So as soon as I could, I went to a psychiatrist to find out if I was, and to get myself cured. This is also typical of being raised by a BPD parent, as children, we believed and then assimilated everything they told us. It is very typical of many children of BPD parents to go into therapy. We are not the crazy ones, but we are the ones that have been damaged so many ways by the parent with the mental illness. It is very typical for someone with BPD to resist going to therapy, even at the request of their children, or even if the therapy is for the child. The book " Stop Walking on Eggshells " is more geared to adults who are in a chosen relationship with someone with BPD. As children of a BPD parent, we were not in a chosen relationship. This book gives very helpful advice on how to talk to someone with BPD, but I can see how other areas wouldn't relation to your parent-child relationship. When I first read the book - Understand the Borderline Mother - by Lawson, I had no doubt that my nada had BPD. It was such a wonderful breakthrough to learn that I was not the crazy one, and that was just one of her projections onto me. This book also validated so many of my thoughts and experiences, that were never validated by my father or any other adult in my childhood. Joining this board, I learned so much more, and how others have and are dealing with their BPD parent. You will get unconditional support here, for we all have had similar experiences that are so hard to explain to others - and so hard for others to understand. I suggest that you go slowly, don't try to make big changes in your relationship with you mother until you are ready to do so. You will probably go through some remarkable months as you learn and understand more and more. Take care, Sylvia > > This is dead scary for me; I've never belonged to a support group > online. My counselor is pretty sure my mother has borderline > personality disorder based on the things I have told him. As far as > I know she has never been to a counselor and has never had that > diagnosis. My counselor says he can't make a sure diagnosis without > ever meeting/talking with her. I've invited her to counseling with > me but she wouldn't come. > > Here is a little about me: I'm in my early thirties, a mother, a > wife and my relationship with my mother is causing serious problems > in my life; including interferring with my marriage and my > parenting. Growing up there were five of us kids who are all now > adults. > > It has been about 7 mos since my counselor suggested my mother has > BPD and it is just now that I feel o.k. about accepting that maybe > she has it. It almost took my breath away in the beginning to think > she had this. When I first read the book " Stop Walking on > Eggshells " (at my counselor's encouragement) I could identify our > relationship with a lot of the scenarios in the book, but felt like > there was a lot of gaps; missing things I couldn't identify with. > > I guess the reason I'm joining this group is to get a broader > understanding of others' experience with BPD. I'm ready to accept > that my mom may have this but it I don't want to approach our > relationship from the standpoint of her having it until I feel > confident she has it. It is such a hard thing for me to accept. > Right now I feel so confused. She accused me of being mentally ill > (telling this to my husband, other siblings, family members). I was > really upset by this (she has done this before) so I went to a > counselor to be evaluated and he assures me I am not crazy, nuts, > mentally ill. He does believe I was raised by a mentally ill > mother. I have continued counseling (I've been going for a year) > and find it immensely beneficial in maintaining bounaries with my > mother. I have so many questions and I hope this group helps me > sort things out. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2006 Report Share Posted September 25, 2006 Welcome to the group! Stick around -- you'll learn a lot and you won't feel alone in your struggle with a BPD parent. Thank heaven you are getting good therapy (sounds like you've got a great therapist) and are able to protect your marriage and the raising of your children -- such that you won't perpetuate the home you were raised in. You'll break the cycle -- the absolute greatest gift you can give your family and your marriage -- Congratulations and welcome. > > This is dead scary for me; I've never belonged to a support group > online. My counselor is pretty sure my mother has borderline > personality disorder based on the things I have told him. As far as > I know she has never been to a counselor and has never had that > diagnosis. My counselor says he can't make a sure diagnosis without > ever meeting/talking with her. I've invited her to counseling with > me but she wouldn't come. > > Here is a little about me: I'm in my early thirties, a mother, a > wife and my relationship with my mother is causing serious problems > in my life; including interferring with my marriage and my > parenting. Growing up there were five of us kids who are all now > adults. > > It has been about 7 mos since my counselor suggested my mother has > BPD and it is just now that I feel o.k. about accepting that maybe > she has it. It almost took my breath away in the beginning to think > she had this. When I first read the book " Stop Walking on > Eggshells " (at my counselor's encouragement) I could identify our > relationship with a lot of the scenarios in the book, but felt like > there was a lot of gaps; missing things I couldn't identify with. > > I guess the reason I'm joining this group is to get a broader > understanding of others' experience with BPD. I'm ready to accept > that my mom may have this but it I don't want to approach our > relationship from the standpoint of her having it until I feel > confident she has it. It is such a hard thing for me to accept. > Right now I feel so confused. She accused me of being mentally ill > (telling this to my husband, other siblings, family members). I was > really upset by this (she has done this before) so I went to a > counselor to be evaluated and he assures me I am not crazy, nuts, > mentally ill. He does believe I was raised by a mentally ill > mother. I have continued counseling (I've been going for a year) > and find it immensely beneficial in maintaining bounaries with my > mother. I have so many questions and I hope this group helps me > sort things out. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2010 Report Share Posted January 2, 2010 Hi Bonnie, As long as your doctors are aware of the fact that you have asthma, and your lungs are clear, it shouldn't be too big of a problem. Are you going under general anesthesia or just conscious sedation?  I am sure you will have an MDA (medical doctor of anesthesia) present for your surgery, and they have done much bigger procedures on much sicker patients many times. But if you are truly concerned, bring ALL of this up to them the day of surgery... they are going to give you the once over before they take you to the OR anyway. And don't you have to have a pre-op physical like within 7 days of surgery?  Hopefully by the time your surgery comes around you will be feeling much better... at least I hope so.  I don't know if that was any help... Good Luck, don't worry too much. If the doctors see any reason that you shouldn't have the surgery, they will cancel it or postpone it for another day.  Anne former paramedic  Hi,I am a 65 year old female - diabetic, hypertension. They found a large gallstone during a CT scan for cysts on my kidneys. Although I have had no symptoms of gallbladder disease the physician wants it removed. This is my situation.My asthma Rx's are: Albuterol and SingulairI am recovering from bronchitis and my lungs were clear upon chest x-ray as well as good bloodwork; however, I continue to have this asthma-like cough with wheezing. It is better when I cough up the phlegm but the cough continues unless I take the Albuterol. I am scheduled to have a large gallstone removed on the 11th of January. Could this cough/wheeze be a problem during the surgery. It is a very simple surgery and I should be out of the hospital in 5 hours but I am concerned. Thanks in advance.Bonnie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2010 Report Share Posted January 2, 2010 On Sat, 02 Jan 2010 15:25:38 -0000, bonnie_calgaro wrote > Hi, > I am a 65 year old female - diabetic, hypertension. They found a > large gallstone during a CT scan for cysts on my kidneys. Although > I have had no symptoms of gallbladder disease the physician wants it > removed. I think if the surgeon think s at all that you could have trouble breathing during the surgery they will not do it, so let him know what medicines you are taking. I take the same medicines; the albuterol isn't effective for 4 hours as it was with the CFC inhaler; it wears off in about 2 or 3 hours, then the asthma can come back. The singulair should help though. I have had a cough since last July. It must be related to sinuses. I am not a doctor; just another person with asthma. : ) Barn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2010 Report Share Posted January 3, 2010 Hi Bonnie, Welcome to the group! Alana > > Hi, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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