Re: Nada in severe crisis and causing my migraines (long)

March 3, 2006

Hi Leigh, I have been trying to get myself through a very similar

situation with my nada. Her and my father's divorce was final nearly

a year ago. This happened after months of her tedious battles in

court. The entire year and a half leading up to " the big event " took

an immeasurable amount of constant support from me. I did everything

from take her to the ER time and time again after OD'ing to cleaning

mice nests out her dresser drawers.

She ended up selling her home after she convinced herself she

couldn't afford it and no one was there to help her. I worked my

butt off cleaning that place for her, top to bottom, hauling over 30

years of crap out of that place. She tried to get me to buy it, but

also told me (in the same breath) taht my father would never be able

to visit me there because it would always still be " her home " . I

knew she would not just sell me the home and leave me be. When I

broke the news to her that my dh and I would not be buying it, the

s#*t hit the fan. This was what triggered nc for me.

I had known of her bpd for a few years since one of her

hospitalizations, but figured I could continue balancing everything

in my life to include her (and her antics). My physical and mental

health was seriously compromised. My dh was wonderful but one day

told me you can't keep doing this. Nada and I have spoken only a

handful of times since the house mess and she has said everything

along the crazy and hurtful spectrum that you can imagine.

It has now been nearly 2 months since my last contact with her and I

feel better for the most part, but it is going to take a very long

time to unravel her her twiny grips on me. The people here have

given me much support and feedback that I have needed. We know what

you are facing right now in one way or another. My decision has

caused me massive guilt and doubt, but I have come to see that this

is one of nada's grips on me that must released.

I like Lynn's reply that nada " will outlive us all " . Mine is alive

and kicking with vibrance and, I would imagine, torturing some other

poor soul that she has sucked in. And, she would never bat an

eyelash at the hell she has caused. In the end, she only sees me as

someone who abandoned her and wouldn't care in the least about my

physical or mental health as a result.

Just take care of youself...

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