Re: Speaking of nasty neighbors...

[Guest guest]

" I am not saying to be nasty but I wouldn't engage the nonsense. I

would cut her short politely and be authorStand your ground, you

have done nothing wrong so why walk on

eggshells in your own home. Being nice to people like that only

makes them want to torment and control you more.itative with her. "

" but it really does feel in my gut that trying to

appease her is NOT the way to go. If she really is a BP, she's going

to be

hostile to you no matter what you do or don't do. You can't control

it.... " Shana

These are all the same tidbits of advice I have received in regards

to my crazy neighbor from my husband aunt and other neighbors who

are also dealing with them. I think that is all great advice! I

totally can relate and it sucks I maybe had a few small talks with

my nasty neighbor but nothing over 5 minutes. I still wave even

though she won't. But I certainly refuse to beat a path down to her

door. I did talk maybe 5 minutes to her husband a week or 2 ago and

brought up the fact that his wife never waves he said she can't see

very well. He invited me over, but I declined. I said if she wanted

to talk to me I am at my house I refuse to pander to her behavior. A

few minutes later I saw her outside and she waved at me like there

was no tomorrow it was the first and only time in several months.

I have been avoiding my house for 2 reasons the first being that

hubby is gone ALL MONTH and it gets a little lonely sitting around

here. I looked at the calendar yesterday and I will only see him 5

or 6 days this whole month. So I try to stay away and keep busy. The

other is I am SO SICK of her brats coming over and talking smack to

me! I try my best to be kind but it is a lot to take especially with

no man to back me up. Yesterday the little one came over and wanted

to play I said no b/c there were lots of construction trucks

outside. He went out and stood in the middle of the road. A worker

got out of the truck moved him, yelled at him, and kept him to the

side so he didn't get hit! My aunt was over and saw the whole thing

and said where is his mom? Is that kid stupid? I told her that kid

is always in the middle of the street and even goes head on to cars

the mom never watches him. I have even watched him lay down and play

dead in the street and his parents don't care! This week alone I

have had like 3 or 4 people come to me and compliment me on the fact

that I am always watching my kids and how well they stay on the side

of the road. And in the process of saying that they always bring up

the crazy neighbor who doesn't!

The good news in all of this is that I have 2 really nice people on

both sides of me. Also behind me the people seem ok. At first I was

upset about the dog they seemed to be neglecting but I think they

decided they were unable to take care of it and gave it away! So

they must have some common sense. So for the most part the neighbors

seem great and I think they will really look out for me now

especially with hubby being gone. I have even had people say, if you

need help let us know. My lawn mower didn't start once and on lady

knows how to fix them so she helped me. I really feel blessed. I

just think the best advice it so focus on the neighbors who seem

normal and healthy. They should pick up on the crazy behaviors of

other neighbors even with out you having to say a word they probly

experience her to. I know mine have! And if the fun neighbors stick

together and have fun there is power in numbers. So if she complains

about everybody I think the management will see that. Especially if

you're other neighbors like your dog, or don't mind the smoke. And

for crying out loud you buying a purifier won't clean her air!

People are not stupid they will start to see her ways, I know my

neighbors picked up on the bitterness and craziness of my neighbor

right away! It is just a matter of time. Good luck and just don't

pander to her that is what she wants. I hope this helps. Love lizzy

>

> Hi all,

>

> I need some advice if anyone has any. In April I moved back to my

home

> city after spending a few years living across the country. Not to

> compromise my anonymity, but let's just say I live in the

> highest-priced real-estate market in probably the whole world. I

> finally got a chance to move back here when I found a place that I

> could (barely, with scrimping) afford to rent. Needless to say I

> cannot afford to move again.

>

> So here's the problem. My neighbor (BP or not BP? That is the

> question...)has had it in for me since my second night here. Many

> people think of my city as a terribly unfriendly place, and usually

> it's just the opposite, but this person proves all the out-of-

towners'

> theories right, unfortunately. Far from bringing over a casserole,

> this woman banged on my door (when I had company over) and began

> telling me that my dog was " impossible. " EVERYONE LOVES MY DOG.

> EVERYONE. But she says he's barking " all the time. " He has never

been

> known to do that, but I figured, after a 2500 mile drive across the

> country, and staying in a new, strange apartment, maybe he was a

> little anxious. So I told her I was terribly sorry and please be

> patient. She terrified me so much that I took my dog with me

> *everywhere* and was afraid to leave the house. Sure enough, like 2

> days later, I left for *1 hour* without him and she called

management

> to complain. Nice patience. So I went out and bought an anti-bark

> collar for $125 - which I could scarcely afford - and tried it out.

> Turns out, of course, I was right - I didn't need it. As soon as my

> furniture arrived my dog was fine. I even taped him while I was

gone

> to make sure! Silence. Also, I had left a note on my door with

> apologies after this management call-in, and everyone else on my

floor

> was like, " What are you talking about? Who complained? Your dog is

> fine. " I didn't name names.

>

> Then, this same woman casually comes out in the hallway to say,

> " That's so funny, I can't believe you smoke. I used to smoke like a

> chimney, but I just quit. " The sirens went off in my head... uh-oh,

> this is just a taste of what's coming next. I was right. A couple

> months later my door was stuck and she came out to " help " me. The

> " helping " consisted of a 15-minute lecture about how I must smoke

more

> than anyone in the world, and she's all, " Don't worry, it doesn't

> bother me, I used to smoke so I understand, but I just want to let

you

> know you're killing yourself. " I said I appreciated her concern,

but

> inside, I *knew* she was full of you-know-what, and that

eventually I

> would hear the real story from her.

>

> Sure enough - right again. Why do people pave the way with " no

> problem " only to tell you later, " BIG problem " ?! Why not just tell

the

> truth straight off? Just this evening, she bangs on my door and

> demands I get an air-purifier. I was so calm. I was like, " Wow,

don't

> you remember when my door was stuck and you said it didn't bother

you?

> What happened? I don't want to be contentious, but it is within my

> rights to smoke in my own apartment. " She went BALLISTIC. " Let me

just

> stop you right there with your attitude, I've lived here for 12

years

> and I have far more history with the management than you, your

smoke

> is seeping out from your window straight into my bedroom, I just

quit,

> blah blah blah. " I calmly invited her in to discuss. She preferred

to

> stand in the hallway yelling about my " attitude " until I finally

said,

> " Hey. You're the one who's screaming. Please come in. " So she does,

> and I say, " Listen. I don't want to be on your bad side. But I

> honestly think an air purifier would do more good in your apartment

> than mine, if it's bothering you so much. It will clear the air in

> *your* apartment, whereas if *I* got one, it would do nothing to

stop

> the smoke from going out my window. " She continued yelling, so I

just

> said, " Look. I am not going to lie and say I will quit smoking for

> you. I'd like to quit eventually but I've got a lot going on and

it's

> not going to happen right now. Would it help you if I closed the

> window when I want to smoke? I'm really sorry you're so unhappy

with

> me as a neighbor. " She goes, " Whatever! " storms out, and slams my

door.

>

> Now let me just say to all you non-smokers out there - I *know*

> smoking is disgusting, and I *know* I have to quit. But the only

thing

> that will motivate me to do so is *me*, not some harridan neighbor.

> Let me also say that our fair city is not exactly one that's full

of

> pure clean air. God only knows what comes into *all* of our

windows!

> Everyone else on my floor is lovely to me. I have never had a

> " neighbor problem " in my entire life, and I have always kept the

same

> habits.

>

> But here's the thing... my experience with nada is making me

> *TERRIFIED* of this woman. The minute she left I almost puked from

> anxiety. My whole body starts shaking and all I could think was,

> " She's gonna get me kicked out, she's gonna get me kicked out, I'm

> gonna be in a cardboard box on the street. " Also, I am having a

> housewarming party on Saturday, and I thought, " Oh, god, what the

> hell's she gonna do? " Once I stopped shaking I realized what date

this

> is. September 11. So I wrote a note saying that on this day of all

> days, neighbors should try to be friends, and in that spirit, I

hope

> you'll attend, and left it under her door.

>

> Am I crazy? I don't really think she'll show up, but I felt

inviting

> her was my best psychological move. Kill 'em with kindness, so to

speak.

>

> But now, an hour later, I am still jumping at every noise I hear in

> the hall. I am practically expecting the Gestapo to come banging

down

> my door. I'm having Fatal Attraction visions of bunnies boiling on

my

> stove. I mean I am FREAKING OUT. I can't relax, can't watch TV,

all I

> can do is pace and write this.But of course, I can't pace or type

too

> loudly. AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!! It is so hard for me to feel secure

> *anywhere*, and now, feeling at risk in my own home, the one place

I

> always thought I could run to - it's really doing a number on me.

Does

> anyone have any advice on how to quell this type of anxiety, or

how to

> deal with people who evidently just can't stand you and want to get

> you out?

>

> Honestly guys - I hope you'll believe me - smoker or not, I am a

> *really* sweet person, and the nicest neighbor I know how to be.

> Growing up in such a congested city, you *have* to learn to be

nice,

> or it'll kill you! I feel so attacked, and so not-at-home in my

home.

> Thoughts?

>

> Sorry for the " rant " - I'm just petrified right now. I hope I don't

> sound too batty, but I'm still quaking, and crying, and paranoid

about

> her hearing me quaking and crying!

>

> Thanks for listening...

> Love,

> Holly G.

>

[Guest guest]

Did you sign a lease? I am betting you did. And the smoking and dog are

within the terms of the lease? As long as you are ok on these two points

then you will be pretty hard to get rid of if you pay your rent and so

forth. By all means talk to the management. I used to talk to management

regularily- I would bring them cookies and cake. And not because I had a

bad neighbor, just because I baked extra cookies and cake and my roomate

could only eat so much. So when I did start to have problem this year with

my neighbors and with my one evil roomate I think they realised that I

wasn't a evil person. The lines of communication had been kept open. They

said they would talk to the neighbors me for (the roomate was much harder to

deal with)- and it worked. Of course I had to do a little compromising, but

it wasn't a big deal.

Another thing that I think helped was that I went and talked to management

right away after a fight with the neighbor (or email as it was). I didn't

want the other side to pollute them, so to speak. I also knew I was in the

right.

So take some deep cleansing breaths (but first think just a few evil thought

like " purify this " ) and release them slowly. It will be ok.

If this women doesn't want to have the smell of smoke in her apartment she

shouldn't live in a smoking building. Hmmm.... Thats a thought to try on

for size. Or she could close HER window. I know if an unpleasant smell

comes inside through my window I will certainly close it. How does she even

know it is comming from your window to hers? Is she a physicist that has

studied that air particle trajectory patterns in that area?

-Ata

>

> " I am not saying to be nasty but I wouldn't engage the nonsense. I

> would cut her short politely and be authorStand your ground, you

> have done nothing wrong so why walk on

> eggshells in your own home. Being nice to people like that only

> makes them want to torment and control you more.itative with her. "

>

>

> " but it really does feel in my gut that trying to

> appease her is NOT the way to go. If she really is a BP, she's going

> to be

> hostile to you no matter what you do or don't do. You can't control

> it.... " Shana

>

> These are all the same tidbits of advice I have received in regards

> to my crazy neighbor from my husband aunt and other neighbors who

> are also dealing with them. I think that is all great advice! I

> totally can relate and it sucks I maybe had a few small talks with

> my nasty neighbor but nothing over 5 minutes. I still wave even

> though she won't. But I certainly refuse to beat a path down to her

> door. I did talk maybe 5 minutes to her husband a week or 2 ago and

> brought up the fact that his wife never waves he said she can't see

> very well. He invited me over, but I declined. I said if she wanted

> to talk to me I am at my house I refuse to pander to her behavior. A

> few minutes later I saw her outside and she waved at me like there

> was no tomorrow it was the first and only time in several months.

>

> I have been avoiding my house for 2 reasons the first being that

> hubby is gone ALL MONTH and it gets a little lonely sitting around

> here. I looked at the calendar yesterday and I will only see him 5

> or 6 days this whole month. So I try to stay away and keep busy. The

> other is I am SO SICK of her brats coming over and talking smack to

> me! I try my best to be kind but it is a lot to take especially with

> no man to back me up. Yesterday the little one came over and wanted

> to play I said no b/c there were lots of construction trucks

> outside. He went out and stood in the middle of the road. A worker

> got out of the truck moved him, yelled at him, and kept him to the

> side so he didn't get hit! My aunt was over and saw the whole thing

> and said where is his mom? Is that kid stupid? I told her that kid

> is always in the middle of the street and even goes head on to cars

> the mom never watches him. I have even watched him lay down and play

> dead in the street and his parents don't care! This week alone I

> have had like 3 or 4 people come to me and compliment me on the fact

> that I am always watching my kids and how well they stay on the side

> of the road. And in the process of saying that they always bring up

> the crazy neighbor who doesn't!

>

> The good news in all of this is that I have 2 really nice people on

> both sides of me. Also behind me the people seem ok. At first I was

> upset about the dog they seemed to be neglecting but I think they

> decided they were unable to take care of it and gave it away! So

> they must have some common sense. So for the most part the neighbors

> seem great and I think they will really look out for me now

> especially with hubby being gone. I have even had people say, if you

> need help let us know. My lawn mower didn't start once and on lady

> knows how to fix them so she helped me. I really feel blessed. I

> just think the best advice it so focus on the neighbors who seem

> normal and healthy. They should pick up on the crazy behaviors of

> other neighbors even with out you having to say a word they probly

> experience her to. I know mine have! And if the fun neighbors stick

> together and have fun there is power in numbers. So if she complains

> about everybody I think the management will see that. Especially if

> you're other neighbors like your dog, or don't mind the smoke. And

> for crying out loud you buying a purifier won't clean her air!

> People are not stupid they will start to see her ways, I know my

> neighbors picked up on the bitterness and craziness of my neighbor

> right away! It is just a matter of time. Good luck and just don't

> pander to her that is what she wants. I hope this helps. Love lizzy

>

>

> >

> > Hi all,

> >

> > I need some advice if anyone has any. In April I moved back to my

> home

> > city after spending a few years living across the country. Not to

> > compromise my anonymity, but let's just say I live in the

> > highest-priced real-estate market in probably the whole world. I

> > finally got a chance to move back here when I found a place that I

> > could (barely, with scrimping) afford to rent. Needless to say I

> > cannot afford to move again.

> >

> > So here's the problem. My neighbor (BP or not BP? That is the

> > question...)has had it in for me since my second night here. Many

> > people think of my city as a terribly unfriendly place, and usually

> > it's just the opposite, but this person proves all the out-of-

> towners'

> > theories right, unfortunately. Far from bringing over a casserole,

> > this woman banged on my door (when I had company over) and began

> > telling me that my dog was " impossible. " EVERYONE LOVES MY DOG.

> > EVERYONE. But she says he's barking " all the time. " He has never

> been

> > known to do that, but I figured, after a 2500 mile drive across the

> > country, and staying in a new, strange apartment, maybe he was a

> > little anxious. So I told her I was terribly sorry and please be

> > patient. She terrified me so much that I took my dog with me

> > *everywhere* and was afraid to leave the house. Sure enough, like 2

> > days later, I left for *1 hour* without him and she called

> management

> > to complain. Nice patience. So I went out and bought an anti-bark

> > collar for $125 - which I could scarcely afford - and tried it out.

> > Turns out, of course, I was right - I didn't need it. As soon as my

> > furniture arrived my dog was fine. I even taped him while I was

> gone

> > to make sure! Silence. Also, I had left a note on my door with

> > apologies after this management call-in, and everyone else on my

> floor

> > was like, " What are you talking about? Who complained? Your dog is

> > fine. " I didn't name names.

> >

> > Then, this same woman casually comes out in the hallway to say,

> > " That's so funny, I can't believe you smoke. I used to smoke like a

> > chimney, but I just quit. " The sirens went off in my head... uh-oh,

> > this is just a taste of what's coming next. I was right. A couple

> > months later my door was stuck and she came out to " help " me. The

> > " helping " consisted of a 15-minute lecture about how I must smoke

> more

> > than anyone in the world, and she's all, " Don't worry, it doesn't

> > bother me, I used to smoke so I understand, but I just want to let

> you

> > know you're killing yourself. " I said I appreciated her concern,

> but

> > inside, I *knew* she was full of you-know-what, and that

> eventually I

> > would hear the real story from her.

> >

> > Sure enough - right again. Why do people pave the way with " no

> > problem " only to tell you later, " BIG problem " ?! Why not just tell

> the

> > truth straight off? Just this evening, she bangs on my door and

> > demands I get an air-purifier. I was so calm. I was like, " Wow,

> don't

> > you remember when my door was stuck and you said it didn't bother

> you?

> > What happened? I don't want to be contentious, but it is within my

> > rights to smoke in my own apartment. " She went BALLISTIC. " Let me

> just

> > stop you right there with your attitude, I've lived here for 12

> years

> > and I have far more history with the management than you, your

> smoke

> > is seeping out from your window straight into my bedroom, I just

> quit,

> > blah blah blah. " I calmly invited her in to discuss. She preferred

> to

> > stand in the hallway yelling about my " attitude " until I finally

> said,

> > " Hey. You're the one who's screaming. Please come in. " So she does,

> > and I say, " Listen. I don't want to be on your bad side. But I

> > honestly think an air purifier would do more good in your apartment

> > than mine, if it's bothering you so much. It will clear the air in

> > *your* apartment, whereas if *I* got one, it would do nothing to

> stop

> > the smoke from going out my window. " She continued yelling, so I

> just

> > said, " Look. I am not going to lie and say I will quit smoking for

> > you. I'd like to quit eventually but I've got a lot going on and

> it's

> > not going to happen right now. Would it help you if I closed the

> > window when I want to smoke? I'm really sorry you're so unhappy

> with

> > me as a neighbor. " She goes, " Whatever! " storms out, and slams my

> door.

> >

> > Now let me just say to all you non-smokers out there - I *know*

> > smoking is disgusting, and I *know* I have to quit. But the only

> thing

> > that will motivate me to do so is *me*, not some harridan neighbor.

> > Let me also say that our fair city is not exactly one that's full

> of

> > pure clean air. God only knows what comes into *all* of our

> windows!

> > Everyone else on my floor is lovely to me. I have never had a

> > " neighbor problem " in my entire life, and I have always kept the

> same

> > habits.

> >

> > But here's the thing... my experience with nada is making me

> > *TERRIFIED* of this woman. The minute she left I almost puked from

> > anxiety. My whole body starts shaking and all I could think was,

> > " She's gonna get me kicked out, she's gonna get me kicked out, I'm

> > gonna be in a cardboard box on the street. " Also, I am having a

> > housewarming party on Saturday, and I thought, " Oh, god, what the

> > hell's she gonna do? " Once I stopped shaking I realized what date

> this

> > is. September 11. So I wrote a note saying that on this day of all

> > days, neighbors should try to be friends, and in that spirit, I

> hope

> > you'll attend, and left it under her door.

> >

> > Am I crazy? I don't really think she'll show up, but I felt

> inviting

> > her was my best psychological move. Kill 'em with kindness, so to

> speak.

> >

> > But now, an hour later, I am still jumping at every noise I hear in

> > the hall. I am practically expecting the Gestapo to come banging

> down

> > my door. I'm having Fatal Attraction visions of bunnies boiling on

> my

> > stove. I mean I am FREAKING OUT. I can't relax, can't watch TV,

> all I

> > can do is pace and write this.But of course, I can't pace or type

> too

> > loudly. AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!! It is so hard for me to feel secure

> > *anywhere*, and now, feeling at risk in my own home, the one place

> I

> > always thought I could run to - it's really doing a number on me.

> Does

> > anyone have any advice on how to quell this type of anxiety, or

> how to

> > deal with people who evidently just can't stand you and want to get

> > you out?

> >

> > Honestly guys - I hope you'll believe me - smoker or not, I am a

> > *really* sweet person, and the nicest neighbor I know how to be.

> > Growing up in such a congested city, you *have* to learn to be

> nice,

> > or it'll kill you! I feel so attacked, and so not-at-home in my

> home.

> > Thoughts?

> >

> > Sorry for the " rant " - I'm just petrified right now. I hope I don't

> > sound too batty, but I'm still quaking, and crying, and paranoid

> about

> > her hearing me quaking and crying!

> >

> > Thanks for listening...

> > Love,

> > Holly G.

> >

>

>

>